


Heartbeat

by MariannaRC89



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Newtisbottombecauseheisnewtothis, Newtissostubborn, Protective!Thomas, RestoftheficisTeenAudiences, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, SOMUCHFLUFF, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Smut, Thomastotherescue, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top!Thomas, bottom!Newt, depressed!Newt, explicitifonlyforonechapter, givehimtime, sick!newt, thesweetestsmutever, thethirdtolast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-21 13:49:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13742256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariannaRC89/pseuds/MariannaRC89
Summary: Newt has always kept everyone at arm's length because of his heart condition. Will a chance meeting with Thomas lower his carefully placed defenses? Will he let himself be cared for? Or will his fear win the battle?





	1. A bit of good luck.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, this is my first fanfiction ever. I have never posted anything of mine anywhere. Please be kind. I love this two. I hope I am doing them justice.

Newt took his pulse for what felt like the 20th time. It was really the fifth, but this kind of things always got to his nerves. Having a heart condition since childhood, he was used to taking his pulse regularly, painfully counting how many times his heart beat in a minute, so he could either, feel a little bit of ease about it, or further panic.  
  
His anxiety always crawled under his skin, making feel things that sometimes weren’t there. But sometimes they were. And when that was the case, hospitals and doctors could be expected.  
  
He was doing it now while waiting for his sister to show up. Sonya was always late, because she held down two jobs and was finishing her degree in History. Newt couldn’t blame her. She did enough already.  
  
As soon as he looked up, there she was, all smiles and apologies.  
  
“Hey brother! How are you today? What’s up?”  
  
“I’m still alive, if that’s what you mean.” Newt knew that underneath her innocent eyes and the seemingly normal questions, what his sister meant to ask was if his symptoms had acted up again, or if she could go on with her life without worrying about him.  
  
Sonya sighted, “you know, those were not the questions I made.”  
  
“It was what you meant to ask.”  
  
“Fine, let’s talk about your heart then, if it was you that brought it up”.  
  
Newt looked at her a long minute and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Everything is okay, Son. There is nothing for you to worry about. If there is, I’ll tell you. Now, I will rather hear how that boyfriend of yours is, or of your last essay...?”  
  
Sonya looked relieved before starting to talk uncontrollably about her life. It was always like these, their weekly gatherings. She would ask Newt about his health, and then she would spill all her problems for him to listen to. And her brother understood. Having both parents death at a young age meant they only had each other. And she didn’t have anyone else to look for for support. He felt badly enough for her being his emergency contact, and the one that always had to carry the weight of his condition, alone. He wanted to be there for her in any way he could. And he knew she did too. He was grateful for her, always.  
  
After around two hours of hearing about Maya culture essays and the shenanigans of her current boyfriend, the two blondes departed, each to their corner of London.  
  
Just as Newt was about to plug his earphones and take his path home, a force of nature struck against him. A man, just a little shorter than him and with shabby, short brown hair crashed against him, not only throwing him to the ground but pouring all of his scorching hot coffee on top of him. Big, worried brown eyes found his and then the man was apologizing, bringing him to his feet and fussing over his shirt.  
  
“I have ruined it, haven’t I? Damn, why does these things keep happening to me, and then I run into good people like you, who have to put up with my clumsiness”.  
  
Despite the fact that his skin was actually burned off and this was his favorite shirt, Newt smiled at the stranger, finding him not only honest in his mistake, but somehow, charmingly disarming?  
  
“Hey, don’t worry. This could have happened to the best of us. And this is just a shirt. Things can be replaced”.  
  
Newt was just making a motion to check if the coffee had reached his pants too, when the stranger yelped a little, his eyes on the hem of his shirt. He followed the path of his gaze and saw, clear as day, the patch of his skin revealed by the movement, clearly burned off.  
  
“Ohh man, that is not right. I am so sorry. I can’t let you go like this. Let me fix it. I live just around the block and can patch you up. Maybe even do a little laundry for your shirt?”  
  
Newt was about to open his mouth to thank the stranger and leave when he said “my name is Thomas. Please let me fix my mistake, will you? Please?” And there, just there, were the pretty brown eyes again, worried and big and making Newt do things he normally wouldn’t.  
  
“I’m Newt.” He extended his right hand to shake Thomas’. “And you don’t have to worry, really Thomas, I’m fine”. Newt didn’t think this name suited the stranger. His heart seemed far too big for a name like his, which sounded... stoic, was the word he was looking for?  
  
“I insist, please”.  
  
Newt knew better than this. It had been a while since he had involved himself with strangers, let alone strangers that made him a little wobbly in the knees. He didn’t want anyone other than Sonya, who could absolutely not be spared whatever way he had tried, to get involved in his life, which was always at flight risk. But he couldn’t help it this time and with a smile and a thank you, he followed Thomas through the streets to his flat.  
  
It was really just a block away, like the brunette had said, and they reached it in about 5 minutes of comfortable silence.  
  
“So Newt, huh? That’s not a common name.” Thomas said as he was fumbling with his keys to open the door to his building.  
  
“Well, that’s not my real name”, said Newt blushing, “it’s Isaac Newton, but I am sure you can understand why I don’t want to use that”. His skin was really staring to hurt him and the walk here had tired him a bit. He tugged on his hair a little, teasing the top of his blonde locks so that they looked completely disheveled.  
  
Thomas smiled at him with what seemed like, fondness? Curiosity? Appreciation? Newt couldn’t tell. All he knew what that his eyes were glued to the lips tugging up at the corners, to the eyes that seemed to search into his very soul.  
  
“Yes, I can understand that. Newt is cool though, original”.  
  
They finally made it into the landing of the building, and with dismay, Newt realized that there was no elevator at the end of the corridor, only stairs. That meant, of course, climbing stairs. And that also meant giving this complete stranger an explanation of why, he would rather get burned off again than have a go at any sort of cardio. He swallowed audibly and Thomas seemed to notice his distress, since he said “it’s only on the first floor”.  
  
It was like he, by some Godly reason, understood the situation without Newt saying half a word about it. He tried to smile and say nonchalantly “yeah, of course”.  
  
They both made for the stairs in silence. Newt let Thomas take the lead so that he couldn’t see his face as he made it up the stairs. The blonde didn’t want the brunette to see whatever grimace he was sure to make because of the effort it was going to take him.  
  
Thomas seemed to take the hint and said nothing, never looking back as they made it up. Newt tried to take it calmly but before he knew it his heart was doing weird things to him. And not the nice kind.  
  
As they were reaching the landing of the first floor, Thomas turned around. “Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? You went all pale on me”. Those eyes on Newt’s again. Full of worry.  
  
Newt made a half smile before answering “yeah, yeah, just need to sit down soon, if you don’t mind”.  
  
He took a big gulp of air, which his lungs failed to register. He was missing breath so much that he didn’t notice how, all of a sudden, he was inside Thomas’ apartment, sitting down in a big, comfortable chair with a glass of water beside him. He gave it tiny sips and felt his heart easing with every passing moment. His air was returning. He closed his eyes. He knew he was going to be alright.  
  
When he opened them, Thomas was sitting just across him, looking at him, with concern written all over his features. Newt blushed and cursed himself internally. Here he was, getting a complete stranger into trouble because he got a little weak in the knees at his smile, his eyes. He should know better.  
  
“Feeling okay?” Thomas said. “I am sorry, I seem to only get you into trouble”.  
  
“No, not at all... this thing that just happened to me is normal. I mean, I am used to living with it is what I mean by normal. I...” but he trailed off. He didn’t want to say it. Refused to say it. Not if he could help it.  
  
“You don’t have to tell me” Thomas said, standing up and making grabby hands at Newt. The blonde only stared at him in bewilderment until he understood. Thomas wanted his shirt.  
  
With reluctance, he took it off. He knew what was underneath his shirt. A long, vertical thin scar, that went all the way from below his collarbone to the last of his ribs. Open hearted surgery. A  few months ago.  
  
Thomas was a decent man, though, and didn’t look at him, turning around the moment he made the motion to remove his favorite item of clothing. He threw him a t-shirt, presumably his, before turning around and saying to the air “you can keep that if you like. The least I can do after getting you in such trouble”.  
  
“Don’t worry Tommy, really” he said while he pulled Thomas’ shirt on himself. It smelled nice. Like coffee and clean linens and manhood. He was so entranced by the scent that he failed to realize he had just called this stranger by a nickname he didn’t even know he had given him. His brain had just betrayed him.  
  
Thomas turned around and said “what did you call me?” His eyes sparkled. He didn’t looked freaked out, as Newt would have been if a person he just met twenty minutes ago would have already given him a pet name. He looked... pleased, if that was even possible.  
  
“Hmm... I’m sorry, it...it... it...just came natural. You have been so kind to me already, I just.... your name doesn’t really suit you...” the blonde was beet red and staggering with his words.  
  
Thomas blushed slightly and answered “no, it’s okay. I like it. It’s just has been so long since someone referred to me with any kind of affection...” he trailed off too, moving towards the back of his apartment.  
  
Newt refrained from saying more. He knew what it was like to not want to spill your wounds to just about anyone and he had gotten his foot in his mouth too much already.  
  
Thomas came back from where he had gone, with a professional looking first aid kit in his hands. “Now, let me see that stomach”.  
  
Newt stared at the thing with reserve. “Are you a doctor?”  
  
Thomas sighted. “No. I’m not. I’m a paramedic though. Taking care of burn wounds is part of my everyday life. Now, let me see”.  
  
Paramedic? Thought Newt. He knew there was a reason why he hadn’t been questioning him about the whole debacle with the stairs. He probably had an idea of what was going on with his heath. Damn he knew.  
  
But there was little he could do now, could he? He had come here of his own free will, despite knowing better. All he had left was to see this through to the end. And then never see this kind and entrancing stranger again.  
  
He slowly lifted Thomas’ shirt, up to where his scar could not be seen. Reality was, it did hurt him a bit. And his skin did look pretty charred.  
  
Thomas’ eyes flashed several emotions in a heartbeat. Appreciation? Recognition?Concern? And then he was working on him, ever the professional. In less than 5 minutes Newt had his wound cleaned and patched up, a bandage covering the lower part of his torso. The pain had lessened considerably. And he was grateful for that.  
  
Thomas looked at his handiwork, before saying “that will need to be redone soon. And I would tell you to come back here but I think the stairs and you are not great friends” he grinned, if only a little. “Maybe I could come to your place or if you would rather go to a hospital...”.  
  
“Does it really need so much attention?” Newt didn’t want Thomas more involved. He seemed like a genuine nice guy and he didn’t want him close to him, close to the mess that was his life. Because if he let him in, then he knew he would not be able to let him go. No, Tommy deserved more than that. Ohh, and hospitals were out of the question.  
  
Thomas sighted, “I know you understand me when I tell you that your body doesn’t need an infection right now. And this, without proper care, is going to become one”.  
  
Newt, surprised by the frankness, mumbled “how do you know I don’t need an infection?”  
  
And right then and there, was what Newt suspected all along. Thomas knew. “Please Newt, I can recognize heart conditions when I see them”.  
  
Newt didn’t know what to say. He fumbled a little, and felt his heart’s rhythm increase. He was just about to open his mouth when Thomas repeated, like just a few minutes ago “you don’t have to tell me”, but then continued “please, let me help you with this. I know you are going to try and refuse my help but I feel really bad I got you this wound in the first place. A wound you don’t need. Let me see to it until it’s healthy again and then I won’t mess up more with your life. I promise”.  
  
“How do you know I don’t want you to mess up with my life?”  
  
“Because you have that look about you. The look I see in Cancer patients all the time but also in some heart patients. The look that says you don’t want to implicate more people in your problems. The look that says you would rather go at it alone”.  
  
Newt looked down at his lap. How could this man know so much about him in a single look? Obviously he had experience treating with sick people but still. It’s like he had read his mind.  
  
A few minutes passed in silence. Newt didn’t know what to do. Thomas was entrancing to him. His kindness beckoned to him, the warmth behind his smile and his eyes melted his heart. And he was so alone. So terribly alone, Sonya being his only link to humanity. That is the way he had liked it thus far. The way he had made sure it happened. But now, life seemed to throw him a little good luck, in meeting this stranger, who seemed to care for him, if only a little. Maybe he could give him a chance? Maybe he could lower his defenses?  
  
Before he knew it, he had answered “okay Tommy. I’ll let you help me”.


	2. Protective Streak.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas can´t help but want to protect the man he is slowly falling for. But is he prepared for what it means?

Thomas closed his door behind him, sighting. He had just left Newt at his front door, having convinced the man to walk him back home. He didn’t want him to blank out again, alone, and as a paramedic he knew that a burn wound would weaken his stamina, at the very least.

He was a stubborn one, that Newt. He clearly kept his emotions hidden, putting up a “I am tough and can do this alone” front that he knew was a way of protecting others from what he though was the main problem: himself.

That probably meant he felt as lonely as Thomas was, despite his lone ranger act.

There was something about the blonde though, something that made Thomas do a double take every time he placed his eyes on him. Despite being so protected there was a certain vulnerability in his eyes that was disconcerting. He couldn’t keep up the façade that well, Thomas thought, since his brain had clearly betrayed him by calling him “Tommy”.

A sweet nickname, if there ever was one.

Thomas knew there was so much more inside that protective shell. A rich world he wanted to find. To explore. And it didn’t hurt that his blonde, disheveled hair made him look handsome as ever, even with that pale skin which if healthy would probably have a delicate milky hue. He looked like he seriously needed care. And like he had neglected any kind of help for a very long time.

The protective streak in Thomas was instinctively activated, wanting not only to protect the blonde but to make him....happy?

_*Really?*_  Thomas thought. * _You just meet the guy and you want to make him happy already?*_

He took a sit in the same sofa that Newt had been in, just about an hour ago. It smelled like English Breakfast tea, antiseptic and something musky. 

Could you really fall in love with someone from meeting them briefly? Thomas though it was impossible. But he also knew he had been wrong in the past. Why not now?

He checked his phone. He had given Newt his number in case he needed anything and made a plan to come by his house tomorrow afternoon to clean his wound and bandage it. He rather hoped the blonde would need him before that though, but his phone showed no new messages. And he didn’t have work until 4pm. 

_*Minho is going to kill me*_ he thought, as he texted his best friend and main advisor. 

—————————————

“Thomas, are you even over Teresa yet?” Said Minho, his mouth full of dumplings, his gaze intent in his best friend. 

“Teresa dumped me six months ago man, I can’t continue mourning her for the rest of my life” answered Thomas, his mouth full of dumplings too. They meet at this particular joint to have Chinese food whenever one of the two had an existential crisis, which lately seemed often. 

“Yes, but you told me not that long ago that she was the love of your life Thomas, and that can’t be taken so lightly”.

Minho had a point. Thomas had indeed said that. But when he looked back at his relationship with who just a year ago he thought was the woman of his dreams, it seemed like he had been doing exactly that: dreaming. Nothing about the time they had had together seemed real, from when, thinking her out of his league, he had asked her out, to when she broke up with him, claiming, maybe correctly, that he wasn’t in love with her. 

“Teresa was a dream Minho. And I was smitten with her enough to say that. But it wasn’t real. We didn’t love each other. We loved the idea of the other, just that”.

“And how can you know it’s so different with blondie?”

“I can’t know for sure but there is something about him Min. In his gaze. Like he is full of love to give but afraid of doing so. Like he is afraid of breaking, but strong. And it calls to me”. 

“Look at you Romeo, ever the romantic” Minho raised his eyebrows as high as his hairline and continued “well, at least I have never seen you like this about anyone before. I say give it your best go. And if it doesn’t work, we will always have dumplings!” He laughed but grew serious quickly again, breaking the question Thomas knew was coming “how will you handle his heart condition? Are you sure you want that in your life? And no, don’t look at me with that face of indignation, you know the implications this can have. I’m only worried about you.”

Thomas paused a long minute before answering “Min, he deserves love no matter what his health condition is and I... I would rather be with him, besides him, taking care of him, than not try this just because I am scared of what the future might behold. I will rather have one minute, than nothing at all”. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “I’m afraid I might not have a choice now anyways. My heart seems quite taken to him, whether my brain likes it or not”. 

“Maybe being with you will do him good and he will get better. If you manage to make him fall in love with you first, that is” Minho teased. 

“Shut up!” Thomas almost screamed, throwing him a napkin.

—————————————

The day went by as expected. He took his shift at 4pm, and though the day was hectic and kept his mind busy, he still checked his phone every 30 minutes or so, to no avail.

Finally, as he finished by 10pm, he couldn’t resist it anymore. He had to know something about Newt. He wrote several texts only to end up erasing them. He wanted to sound caring but not overbearing. He wanted to sound interested but not a stalker. 

Finally, he settled with a simple:

_Hey Newt! How is the wound? How are you feeling?_

He stared at his phone for long minutes but nothing came. He even got a snap on the head by his coworker Gally who just blurted “what are you waiting for, you dork?” as he passed by. But still, no texts.

After 15 minutes or so he was starting to get worried. What if the wound had gotten infected, despite his best efforts? What if Newt had passed out alone in his house? Did he even have someone who would look for him, if something happened? 

He remembered all the conversation he had had with Newt and at no point did he reference a sibling or a parent or someone. When he came to think of it, he didn’t even know what his heart condition was. He had tried to avoid questioning him to make him feel comfortable but now he realized what a mistake that had been. 

Would he look like a complete maniac if he showed up at his house? Was there even a realistic reason to be this worked up because of an unanswered text? 

He tried to calm himself down. This wasn’t such a big deal. And just then, as if God-sent, his text tone chirped happily. He opened his phone with trembling fingers:

_Hey Tommy! I’m sorry it took so long for me to answer. Apparently I have been napping for the past 3 hours. And I’m feeling good. The wound is okay._

Thomas re-read the text several times. Napped for the last 3 hours? That didn’t sound good. People with heart problems are known to get tired easily but three hours? His paramedic instincts told him that the wound was indeed sapping his energy and the blonde was putting up his tough act rather than ask for help. Or maybe he was just reading too much into it. To get more information, while trying not to be intrusive, he wrote back:

_Napped for 3 hours huh? I will get myself burnt with coffee next time if that gives me the capacity to nap for three hours._

He was testing the terrain, hoping Newt would tell him if this was normal for him or not. This time around, he didn’t have to wait long for the answer.

_Yeah, apparently getting burned does this to people. Hadn’t napped for three hours since I was 5._

And there it was, the proof Thomas needed. So the wound was bothering him. But of course, he had said nothing.  _*Why would he tell YOU anything? Maybe he’s told his family, whom should be there for him. You have known him for ONLY 12 hours!*_ his brain said. But he wasn’t going to listen to his mind this time, because so far it had only brought him not even knowing what Newt really had. This time, he followed his heart, typing:

_Hey, would you mind me coming over to check on the wound? I don’t want to be a stalker but it would ease my mind. :)_

He tried to be as honest as possible, while not giving away the fact that he was completely worried over this guy who seemed to have stolen his very soul. The answer took longer to arrive. 

_“It’s 10:30pm?”_

Damn it, Newt was right. It was late. Still, he pressed on, not caring now if he seemed pushy. 

_“Yeah well. I just got out of my shift so I thought I could check on you, but if it’s too late,I’ll see you tomorrow, like we agreed”._

5 minutes went by and nothing. Thomas sighted, grabbed his things and was beginning to make his way home when the text showed up on his screen: 

_“It’s okay if you want to come by. It’s not like I’m sleeping more anyways”._

Thomas heart filled with relief, changing the direction of his steps to Newt’s house, a grin on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a tiny chapter because it felt natural to end it there. What will Thomas find when he arrives to Newt´s? Stay tuned.


	3. I take it back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas wants nothing more than to protect Newt. Will Newt let himself be cared for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So friends, I am obviously not being very accurate with the medical terms. It´s for dramatic purposes only. And god, if there is drama in this chapter. Enjoy!

Outside of Newt´s house, Thomas found himself too nervous to knock. His heart was racing, not only because he was about to see the person that he had been most smitten about in all of his life (yes, even more than for Teresa, he would later tell Minho) but also because he feared his state. 

All this infatuation had blocked his mind from all the medical knowledge he had acquired as a paramedic, and on his way here the walk had cleared his mind enough to remind him that, depending on what Newt´s actual heart condition was, the burn might have affected him enough to warrant a visit to the hospital.

And he had done it to Newt. It had been an accident, he knew, but still he couldn’t help but blame himself. 

Summoning up his courage, he knocked once. Nothing. Twice. Still nothing. Three times and he finally heard soft steps coming from the other side of the door. The face that greeted him was pale. Far too pale. Despite napping all afternoon the blonde looked exhausted and Thomas noticed that the hands that held to the door as for dear life were shacking a bit. 

It was as bad as he had feared and his heart sank a bit. 

Still, he tried to sound casual, not wanting to spook the man. “Hey, how are you feeling?” 

“Still fine, as I told you 20 minutes ago” Newt´s voice was weak in spots but had a defensive undertone Thomas had not expected. The brunette also noticed that the blonde was not letting him into his house. 

“Well, I just wanted to check on you. Can I come in?” Thomas didn’t wait for an answer and as he moved to enter the place he noticed Newt was using the door for support. But before he could say anything the blonde was blocking him while practically screaming, “Do you really have to? Bloody hell, I´m not a 5 year old kid, I can take care of myself!”

Thomas didn’t see this coming. He knew Newt had set up high walls not to let anyone in but he didn’t think hostility was one of them. But apparently, it was. And if he wanted to be with this man, he realized, he would have to cross the frozen tundra that were his moods when he wasn’t feeling particularly well. So be it then, he was all in. 

“If you can take care of yourself, and don’t want me here, then show me that you can at least keep yourself upright without holding on to the door” The brunette challenged. Fire with fire, he figured. 

Newt straightened and with care released his hold on the door. He stood on his own perfectly fine for about 10 seconds before staggering, Thomas right by his side the moment he lost his balance. 

“Bloody fucking hell,” he cursed with fury. Then he turned around at Thomas, a pleading look in his big brow eyes “please go. You don’t have to be here for this. I´m sure you have better things to do with your time. If its guilt that is making you check on me, I forgive you. Just leave me alone”. 

His voice was desperate and a sheet of sweat had already broken out on his forehead. Thomas found himself at a loss for words but with renewed motivation. He was going to take care of Newt, if it was the last thing he did. 

“You promised you would let me help you, remember?” His voice was soft, low. 

Newt sighted and mumbled, all the fight leaving him, “I take it back”.

“No backsies, you gave me your word. Now, lets move you inside shall we? Before either of us ends up with our asses on the street”.

Carefully, Thomas moved Newt into the house and to the only couch that graced the living room. He noticed vaguely that there was not much inside and it was dim from lack of light, cold as a graveyard. Didn´t Newt had heating? This temperature was surely not helping him. 

He went back to close the door, which was still ajar from their interactions, and saw that there were no decorations at all in the place. It looked even worse than his flat, which was as plain as it could be, since Teresa took with her all the adornments they ever had when she left. 

When he came back he found Newt exactly were he had left him and he figured the man had no energy to move by himself. Of course that would piss him off. And it worried Thomas to no end. He took a long breath, bracing himself for what was to come. He had to have ¨the talk¨ with the blonde.

“Listen, I don’t want to pry but I need to know what is wrong with your heart. Then I can take the proper precautions to make sure the wound doesn’t give you any trouble”. 

“Its not giving me any trouble”

“Yeah, right, and that is why you slept the whole afternoon and can’t move on your own. Please. Tell me”. Thomas tried not to sound too frantic, too concerned. He probably failed though.

Newt looked down at his trembling hands. And then said “I don’t want your pity”. 

Thomas was about to loose it but he kept his tone intentionally light when he answered, “I´m not giving you my pity, I want to help you.”´

“Then I don’t want your help either!” the blonde shouted. “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me, and yet you come here wanting to help me because you think it is your duty as a goddamn paramedic? Want to fix the broken man? That is pity if I ever saw it and I don’t want it!”

There it was. Something Thomas had feared but foolishly hoped wouldn’t be problem: his background as a paramedic. It was normal for patients to have an aversion to doctors and he could understand that Newt might be wary of him because of his profession, but that was certainly not why he wanted to help the blonde. His interest had nothing to do with duty. Only with his heart.

Still, he understood where Newt was coming from, he did. But he was far too vexed to care, at this point. All the shouting had only made the blonde paler. And Thomas was afraid he might end up taking him into hospital after all. He had to tell him something, something that would make his intentions clear and would make Newt talk to him, before it was too late.

“Look Newt. I see why you might think that. I understand that you don’t want me here and I understand that being sick absolutely sucks but you must let me help you. I can´t prove to you that I want to be here on my own free will, but I do”.

“And why, tell me in heaven´s sake, why would you want to spend your Friday night with a sick shank that can´t even stand straight on his own?” Newt´s voice was a mix between pure sadness and anger. He wasn’t shouting but his voice wasn´t exactly low either. His gaze was pointed down, and his blonde mop of hair covered his forehead enough that Thomas couldn’t see his eyes. 

And it was now that a realization dawned on the brunette. Newt wasn’t wary of him because he was paramedic. He just couldn’t believe someone, anyone, would be willing to help him, to be with him, from any other reason than pity or duty. He couldn’t fathom that he might be worthy on his own, despite his illness. He couldn’t see himself past the illness that was clear. 

Despite the trepidation of the situation, Thomas swore to himself that he would change that. Because he couldn’t live in a world where the blonde didn’t see that the dimples that formed themselves in his cheeks when he smiled made him look adorable, or that he clearly had a sharp wit about him. He had to show him. He had to. 

He put all his heart in his next few statements: “Because I like you Newt. I like that you found a way to change your name into something new and original. I like that you are not easily frightened, because anybody else in your position right now would be freaking out. I like the fact that you didn’t react badly when I ruined your shirt. Other people in London would have at least screamed at me for it. But you didn’t, because you have a kind heart. I can see it in you. Please. Let me help you Newt. Let me be your friend”.

The blonde was still looking down when Thomas finished his little speech. He didn’t move for a bit, but for tiny shakes of his shoulders. Was he crying?

“Okay”, he said simply. “I had an infection in my heart about 6 months ago. I had openhearted surgery to remove colonies of bacteria. Some of my valves got affected. They, the doctors I mean, are still trying to figure out if I should have another surgery to place artificial valves in my heart or if I can make it on my own. I am a rare case. The test results are inconclusive.”

Thomas understood everything now. True, his case was a weird one but not unheard of. Despite still lacking important details of the story, he decided not to press any further. He had what he needed. Though still he wondered how was Newt allowed to live on his own, with no one watching over him. But those questions were for another time. He had to move quickly now. 

“Thank you” he puffed out, and in two skillful moves he was checking the blonde´s wound, making sure there was no inflection in it. He now knew that an infection would be disastrous if it presented itself and he was determined not to let that happen. Not on his watch. 

Luckily, there were no traces of anything bad in the injury, and Thomas found himself breathing again. It was just as clean as it had been when he left Newt in the morning. His body was simply taking a toll in trying to mend it. He re-bandaged the long torso with special care, doing his best to keep his gaze clinical and not appreciative. He was beginning to earn the blonde´s trust. Showing his interest in something more was sure to send the man flying to the other side of the country. And he didn’t want that. 

“There, better. But I will have to keep an eye on you. Mornings and evenings. This can´t get infected. It just can´t.”

“I know”, said Newt quietly, and raised his gaze for the first time in the last 30 minutes. His cheeks were streaked and his eyes were red. That he had been crying was no longer a hypothesis. “Thank you Tommy. For this. For caring. For being my friend”.

There was the nickname again. It sounded so sweet after the blonde’s previous tone that Thomas found it intoxicating. He realized he didn’t need any more gratitude. Newt calling him Tommy was all he needed as a thanks. 

He answered with a big smile and a “the pleasure, I assure you, is all mine Newt”.

He hesitated for a minute. He had to do something else to improve the blonde’s condition. He simply couldn’t leave him like this. A hospital was not needed, according to his experience, but Newt needed someone there to look out for him. To help him stand up, move, until he felt better, which Thomas thought would be in a couple of days.

Of course, he wanted to take care of him himself but he didn’t want to upset the man any further. He had invaded his life too much already. 

So, he asked in the most casual of tones “Have you eaten already?” Thomas knew the answer, so he wasn’t surprised when Newt answered no.

“Well, if you would be so kind as to grant me access to the kitchen, I am sure I can work something out. I haven’t eaten anything all day and I’m starving” he was not hungry of course, but he thought that if the two ate together, it would feel much more like they were just hanging out, instead of Thomas taking care of Newt. Which was the impression he was trying to avoid. 

The blonde, looking tired as ever, answered “help yourself”.

So Thomas entered the barest kitchen he had ever seen and tried to cook something out of the things Newt had on the fridge, which were a hard block of cheese and butter. In the cupboard he found a packet of pasta and thought he might as well put his Italian cooking skills to the test. 

He tried to do things quickly, stealing glances at the blonde who seemed to doze off and wake up in intervals. He seemed calmer at least. 

Finishing up, he put the finished plate in Newt’s lap and nudged him gently to open his eyes. At first the brown orbs where a little surprised but then smiled at him, full of light. It was just a moment, a precious moment, before the blonde tore them from Thomas and set them into the dish in front of him.

“Pasta is my favorite. How did you know?” He mocked, his voice full of playful sarcasm. He knew that there was nothing in his kitchen and this was the best that could be expected from it’s contents.

“Well, I am both an excellent pasta chef and a seer” Thomas teased back. Newt’s mood seemed improved too. 

They ate in silence, a silence that they had shared before, that wasn’t at all uncomfortable and surely belonged to a relationship in which the people had known each other forever, not their brief one.

When they were both done Thomas grabbed the plates and took them to the sink for rinsing. When he returned Newt slept peacefully, his mouth slightly open, his body relaxed.

The brunette checked his watch with a smile on his face, and saw, to his astonishment, that it was past midnight. Time had passed him by so quickly.

So he looked for a blanket to tuck the blonde in, wondering again about the heating and the lack of light in the place, and as he was turning to leave a wild idea entered his mind.

It was crazy, and certainly went against everything he had been trying to do so far but this was an opportunity he just couldn’t let go. If he wanted to take care of Newt, he had to be bold. It had worked so far hadn’t it?

He turned back on his heels and entered the living room, preparing himself to stay the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Newt react to Thomas staying? Will it be good? Will it be bad? Stay tuned.


	4. Because I met you, silly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt wakes up to Thomas in his house and he doesn´t mind one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized my plot goes perfectly along to Abba´s "The name of the game". I didn´t do this on purpose, I swear. Im changing perspectives and this time we see things through Newt´s eyes.

Newt awoke feeling rested and comfortable. It had been a long time since he had slept so well, he thought. Most nights he either had problems sleeping, his erratic heartbeat bothering him too much, or he woke up breathless and unsettled. So was life with a heart condition. He was almost used to it.

He shifted only to realize that there was someone else in the room with him. That was definitely a first. He taunted his arm to see if he had a drip. Being in the hospital was the only plausible explanation for him not waking up alone.

There was nothing. 

He tried to remember yesterday. He had been exhausted all day, after meeting Tommy and getting burned by his coffee.... ohh, Tommy.

He opened his eyes with caution. Yes, Tommy was there. He was curled up in his side, to his right, on the couch. They weren’t fully touching, but they were close enough so that his back was really near Newt’s shoulder. 

How had this happened? 

And then he remembered, with a little embarrassment because of his behavior, the events of last night. Tommy coming over, distress all over his pretty brown eyes. His speech about liking him. Offering his friendship. The pasta....

Newt didn’t know how to feel.

He liked Thomas. He liked him a little too much actually. In a way he had never really liked anyone before. But he also didn’t want anyone else in his life because he was trouble and bad news for everyone he came close to. Just look at poor Sonya, with a sick older brother and no one to protect her.

But Tommy knew. He had known of his heart condition and he had still come to him, looked after him, offered him his friendship, perhaps a little more?

Newt hadn’t had many friends but he was sure staying over to take care of someone wasn’t customary for people that had only just meet.

Maybe Tommy liked him a little bit too much too.

_*No. Get that out of your head Newton. He is being nice to you because he is a kind person. And a paramedic. You are nothing special to him. Probably just one of many*_ His thoughts betrayed him. He was used it. That was the reason he started with the whole nickname business with Thomas anyways.

Just then, he felt movement on the couch and closed his eyes, faking sleep. Thomas moved a little away from him, stretched and stood up.

“I know you are awake Newt”.

_*So, he caught me*_ Thought the blonde as he opened his eyes and stretched too.

“Good morning Tommy, how... how did you sleep?” He decided to wave a white flag this morning, not doing anything more to damage their relationship. Newt wasn’t sure he was going to allow Thomas any further than just friendship, but for now, he just couldn’t resist the brunette. 

“Wonderfully actually. It had been a while since I slept so well. Newt... listen, I’m sorry I stayed the night. I just couldn’t leave you alone. Not after how I saw you yesterday. I figured I would be here if you needed anything and I was too exhausted to go home...” he trailed off.

Newt thought he ought to be scared by a total stranger deciding to sleep at his house without his consent but he simply  couldn’t bring himself to it. Thomas felt like an old friend, like he belonged in the blonde’s house, somehow. He knew his intentions where pure. Again, not very normal, but good. 

“It’s okay Tommy...Thank you…for taking care of me”. He found out with increasing pleasure that he could indeed stand up on his own. The stretching got a little excessive though, for just a second later he was saying “ouch”.

Thomas took 2 seconds exactly to be by his side, and 3 to start checking the wound on his stomach. His dexterous fingers worked the bandage off and on again, after a little care by the brunette.

“There. It is fine, just don’t stretch that much.” Thomas winked. Newt felt his face redden.

“I’m happy to see you are feeling better. Stronger, I take it?” Tommy mused, making his way to the kitchen.  _*Yes*_  Newt thought,  _*he seems to belong here. Taking to everything so naturally*._

“Yes, much better. Thanks to you. And that bloody pasta you made me. Hadn’t eaten in hours, thank you for that too mate”. 

Thomas’ eyes found his and he thought he saw pain in the beautiful brown orbs. After looking at him for a breathtaking moment he returned to brewing tea. How had he found it, Newt had no idea.

“Newt... I’m sorry to ask you this. Again, I don’t mean to pry but... but friends tell each other things right? Trust each other?”

The blonde scratched the stubble in his jaw and cut to the chase, “what are you trying to ask me?” His voice had gone cold unintentionally. Why he was perfectly fine with Thomas making tea in his house uninvited but not okay with him asking questions about his life remained a mystery to him.

Thomas seemed to notice his menacing tone for hurt crossed his eyes for a moment before he asked, unwavering, “why do you live alone?” 

“When I clearly need to be looked after?” Newt finished the sentence for him. He knew that that was what he had meant. Like with Sonya and her questions, he was sure that he was asking after his health in the end. 

“Yes” Thomas had stopped mid way with the toast he was trying to butter, “when you do need someone to look after you. Just like we all do, but specially you. What you told me yesterday is no joke Newt. You need to take care of yourself if you are to make a full recovery. Yesterday you hadn’t eaten anything when I arrived for fuck’s sake. You need your strength. The surgery wasn’t even that long ago”. 

“How do you know I want to make a full recovery...” mumbled Newt but Thomas caught it. His eyes flashed with hurt again, the toast forgotten, but his voice was dead serious “What did you just said?”

“You know what I just said! See? This is why it’s a bad idea for you to get involved! Now is a good time to take your exit Tommy, even if you already know where the tea is in my kitchen (Thomas blushed slightly at this). You can still get out”. Newt’s heart was beating unevenly at the effort it was taking him to control his emotions and just not scream at the man in front of him. His words had been loud, yes, but not a yell. Yet.

“Why do you think I want to get out? Why do you think it’s a bad idea for me to get involved? Damn it Newt, can’t you see it? I like you! A lot! I’m here, I stayed the night, because there is something about you that just calls to me. I want to be here. I want you to be healthy. I want to help you get better. I already told you this last night! But this whole tough act is getting tiresome and I will leave if that is really what you want. Is that really what you want?”

Thomas words struck Newt in the face and in the heart. He had to take a sit, because his balance was threatening to leave him. He saw Tommy almost rush over to his side but deciding otherwise.

“No” the blonde said quietly. “Of course not. I want you to stay Tommy. But what about the consequences? What if you get hurt because of my condition? Because of me?”

“I am willing to take that risk” Thomas moved to his side, a smile on his face, sitting on his heels so that they were face to face with each other. “But you gotta stop pushing me away, okay? Yesterday we agreed to be friends, right? Let’s honor that”. He chuckled “Damn, I’ve never fought so much with anyone in my life”. 

Newt shock his head slightly, “I’m sorry. And you have been so kind to me all this time...” he looked at his lap, but Thomas’ hand was in his cheek, pushing his head up to meet his gaze “Hey, no apologies. Maybe just answers?”

Thomas eyes were searching his own and Newt’s defenses came tumbling down. There, the decision had been made. He was going to let the brunette in. As in as he wanted to. No matter the consequences... on them both. 

“I live alone because my only family is my younger sister, who has two jobs and college to keep her busy. I don’t want to bother her more than necessary”, he answered truthfully.

“So no parents…”Thomas trailed off and Newt nodded, continuing “no cousins, aunts, uncles, distant relatives. My parents moved to the U.K. a long time ago, before I was born, from Germany, where I suppose the rest of my family is… I just never meet them”.

Thomas looked thoughtful for a minute and then said “But you don’t qualify for a care taker? I mean with your insurance?” 

Newt lowered his gaze yet again, “I told you, I don’t want anyone´s pity. Especially from someone that I don’t know. And I have been holding up on my own. Well, till you burned me”, he flashed a tiny, tiny smile. 

Thomas took the comment way more seriously than Newt intended “I know, I know, this is all my fault”. 

“No, no, no. I don’t mean to blame you. I was just stating the facts. Like you asked me to? I guess my body is just taking too much of my energy healing, that´s all. But today I feel fantastic” he made to stand up again but got a little dizzy and sat back on the couch.

Thomas chuckled “yeah, right Superman. In my experience you will be better in a day or two. You just have to take it easy. Rest. EAT.” The last word came a little bit too strong and Newt´s eyes widened. 

“I do eat. I was just too tired yesterday.” 

Thomas´ eyes focused on his body and Newt felt a little uncomfortable. He knew he was a little too skinny. He didn´t really cherish food, that was real. He only ate when he was hungry and that was not very often. Tommy had also racked the contents of his kitchen so he knew there was not much there. 

“Well, your cupboards beg to differ” the brunette said, echoing Newt´s thoughts. 

“You would know, you used it´s only contents yesterday. Now all we have is toast and butter. Well, and tea”. He smiled sheepishly, not only because of the teasing nature of his comment but because he had referred to them, Newt and Tommy, as a we. They didn’t have what to eat. They as in together. 

“Hey, I have an idea. Let´s eat this toast and then go get a real hearty breakfast, shall we? My treat. As compensation for practically breaking into your house yesterday.” Tommy´s eyes looked hopeful, full of… affection? 

It was a good thing that Newt was sitting down because his knees would have gotten a little bit too wobbly at the sight of Thomas ‘gaze to carry him up. “Yeah… yeah, let´s do that”. He offered him a smile, which was returned by the brunette. 

“Well, now we just have to figure out the logistics of it all” sighted Thomas.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

They both showered. Separately, to New’t distaste. He let Tommy borrow one of his fresh t-shirts, so that he didn’t have to use the same clothes he had been wearing the day before. The garment was a little bit too tight for the brunette, but that only meant that his musculature showed more, to the blonde’s delight.

_*Thank God for the little things*_ he thought. 

They left the house and made their way through the London streets at a very slow pace. Pedestrians hissed at them because of it but Thomas didn’t seem to mind. He kept his steps in tune with Newt’s, clearly making sure they were going at a rate that didn’t bother his heart. They walked very close to each other, and the brunette seemed ready to catch the blonde if he so much as faltered. 

The place they were looking for was really near anyways. 

“I told you, you need rest. But first, you need proper food and maybe some sunshine?”said Thomas as they took their seats in a charming little restaurant Newt had never seen. It was clear to the blonde that Tommy’s intention had been to take him out of the house. Maybe to cheer him up? Did Newt need cheering up...? He wondered.

They ate pancakes and fresh fruit and wonderful tea (well, Thomas had coffee). They talked about what movies they liked (apocalyptic ones, where there was a virus killing off humanity), their hobbies (Newt was a bookworm and loved plants, Thomas was about to run his first marathon) and their families. 

Thomas told him he had an older sister and that she and his parents lived in the United States, where he was from. 

“What are you doing here then?” asked Newt, pointing everywhere around him. 

Thomas looked like he didn’t want to answer but then said, “I followed a girl”. He lowered his gaze.

Newt’s heart sank. There it was, what he had been waiting for. The kink in the machine. Everything had been too perfect up to this point. Thomas obviously wasn’t interested in him, because he wasn’t even gay. 

_*I told you so!*_  screamed his brain.

Hurriedly, Tommy continued “It’s over now. Has been for a while. She said I didn’t love her. And you know? Now I think she was right. She went back to the U.S. but I couldn’t find it in me to leave London. My best friend Minho moved here about a year before me, so I have him“, the brunette shrugged and then continued “Now I think it’s a good thing though, that I stayed”.

Newt’s question was honest “why?”

“Because I met you, silly”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t tell me people can´t fall in love in two days because I did.


	5. Like strong tea in the morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love confessions and Minho ruins everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, please do me a personal favor and listen to "When Ginny kissed Harry" from the "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" soundtrack as you read this, to intensify the chapter´s effect.
> 
> A bit of a trigger warning for eating disorders and depression. 
> 
> We have Thomas´perspective for this chapter. Enjoy!

Newt´s eyes had gone as wide as saucers at Thomas´ remark. He blushed slightly, and looked away quickly. He looked adorable, and like he didn’t believe Tommy´s words at all.

Thomas moved his hand across the table to lift his chin and the eyes that met his, big eyes the color of honey, were vulnerable, open. That was exactly what he had seen the first time he had laid eyes on the blonde. That softness in his gaze, the brunette noticed, that he tried (and failed, when it came to him) to cover with tough words and a tough exterior.

Thomas felt fortunate. He was sure not many people had seen this tiny miracle in Newt´s eyes. He smiled widely at him, trying to show his appreciation for his vulnerability. When he spoke his voice was deliberately low, “why is it so difficult to believe I feel fortunate to have met you?”

The brunette knew he had hit the bulls-eye when Newt staggered to find his words “because… because… because Tommy, you met a sick shank who needs help but refuses to ask for it. How is that fortunate?”

“That is everything you see Newt, but it´s not what I see. I am very lucky to have met someone who is brave and considerate, who, despite trying his best, can´t hide his golden heart. Someone who would rather be miserable than trouble his sister. Who thinks of others so much that he puts their wellbeing on top of his, even when he has every reason to want all attention on himself. Someone who I want to be with, learn from, even though I just met him about a day ago. I consider myself pretty fortunate, to tell you the truth. But I am not sure you can say the same. You met a stalker”. Thomas laughed a little at his own joke but realized Newt wasn’t joining him in the mirth. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, but intense.

“I met someone who has such a big heart that he cares for a strangers, when most people never look at the person next to them. Someone who doesn’t mind my condition, and is okay with the problems that having me close might bring. Because he is kind enough. Because he is good, like strong tea in the morning. Someone who speaks his mind, bravely. Who is not afraid to show his feelings. Someone, I too, want to know better.” 

Newt hesitated for a bit, looking like he didn´t have the strength to continue. However, he carried on ”Don’t take what I am about to say lightly Tommy, because it is not easy for me to say it. I don’t let anyone in. I haven´t, in a very long time. Heck, I don’t spend this much time with anyone. Not even with Sonya. I don’t want to give anyone trouble, and really, I am sure everyone is better off if I am out the way and well, I can manage, mostly, on my own.” His eyes looked a little glassy, Thomas realized. And his voice quivered a little. “But you, you somehow managed to evade all my carefully placed walls and be here with me now… you don´t see me as a burden, as a cripple…why, I don’t understand. But it means the world to me and I… I don’t know how to thank you…” his voice broke and again, he lowered his gaze.

Thomas took the chance to grab the blonde´s hand in his own and gently, ever so gently, he caressed it. “Hey, hey, you already gave me a nickname I cherish. That’s enough thanks for me. And you are not a burden. You are wonderful. Never let you head tell you otherwise. And if it does, come see me. I´ll straight it up for you”. He smiled. His most genuine smile yet. 

Newt raised his head and looked into Thomas´ eyes. Was there love in those eyes? Could you fall in love with someone so quickly? His past question haunted him. He knew what he felt. And it was not only infatuation. It was not only that the blonde had the most beautiful gaze, or his light figure, or the dimples on his cheeks. It wasn’t just his amazing hair, which stuck out at odd angles all the time and made him look ohh so handsome.

It was the way he smiled. The way he talked. The very choice of words he used. His breath. Thomas had never felt like this for anyone. Certainly not for Teresa. If this wasn´t love, then what was it? He couldn’t fathom it. 

He decided to test the waters. He thought what he saw in Newt´s eyes was affection but maybe it was just his own love reflected back to him. He had to know. The fact that the blonde had not removed his hand from where it lay in the middle of his own was a good sign though. 

He took a deep breath and then said “Look Newt, I… I like you. I know I already said this but I like you in a more than friends way. I know it is too soon, and that you are not used to having someone so close to you, heck we don’t even know each other that well but…but, if I don’t say this, if I don’t try this now, my heart will surely break.” Newt looked at him intently, his hand still on Thomas´. The brunette noticed the blonde´s hand was shaking, like his own. “Even if I sound like I am a bit delusional and stuck on the 19th century, I want…to ask…permission to court you? Date you? Be with you? Something…? His voice gave out. Those had been some of the most difficult words he had ever had to utter. He felt relief though, for letting that big truth out. He felt nervousness, for Newt hadn´t answered yet.

The blonde had his gaze poised on Thomas. His lower lip shuddered, making the brunette want to kiss him even more than he already did. It took all his strength not to do it. But he figured, Newt had problems getting close to people and kissing him now, well, it just wouldn´t do. That type of intimacy had to be earned. He had to deserve it.

Newt´s eyes showed an inner storm, and for a moment, a torturous moment, Thomas thought his heart was about to shatter in a million pieces for he supposed his blonde was about to say no. But finally, and after what felt like an eternity, the blonde man nodded, his eyes glassy again. It seemed like he couldn’t speak and the gesture of his head, along with the squeezing of his hand was all he could do to show approval. 

Thomas let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Light flooded his world. He felt new, strong again. He smiled at his man. A big smile, a smile of pure love. 

Newt grinned too and laughed a little, muttering “19th century huh Tommy? I didn’t know you could court still.” Though weak, his voice seemed to have returned to him. He looked happy. Cheerful. Happier than Thomas had seemed him so far and he was glad, oh so glad that he was the reason for it. 

Suddenly, he went serious again, his eyes darkening and he asked in a voice so small that Thomas could barely listen to it “what about your girl though? The one that you came to the UK for?”

Thomas was confused “what about her? I didn’t love her, I told you”.

Newt looked like he truly didn’t want to speak the words that would eventually come out of his mouth but he forced his voice anyways “You like girls don’t you? Am I the first boy you want?”

Ohh, so that was the problem. Thomas smiled at him, relieved that this was the topic for which Newt had gone so dark so suddenly. He had feared worse and this, this had an easy explanation.

“I like boys and girls Newt. In fact, I think I like people, regardless of their sex. You are not the first boy I fancy.”  _*But I have the feeling you are probably be the last*_ Thomas thought.

The light returned to Newt’s smile as he said “that is bloody fantastic, because I haven’t liked a girl in my whole damn life”.

They both laughed. A little shyly, but still.

Suddenly, Thomas phone rang loudly, cutting through the bubble of intimacy the two men had just been sharing. The brunette cursed all the God´s as he saw the name in the screen. It was Minho. And then he remembered. He had just stood him up.

“Sorry, I need to take this” he excused himself to Newt, who looked rather disappointed at the development of the situation. He answered the call. “I know Man. I´m sorry. I´m sorry. I… the time just flew by…I´m with Newt yes… Don’t call him Blondie! (Newt chuckled a little at that) I’m sorry again, I promise to buy you dumplings for the rest of your life… yes… yes… I´ll see you later. Bye.”

Thomas´ face was red. That little interruption by Minho had not only cost him one of the best moments of his life but also the spilling of information he was not sure he wanted to give his blonde just yet. Of course, Newt was not going to pass the chance to tease him, he was sure.

“That was Minho? Your best friend?” Thomas nodded, still red. “And he knows about me? How does he know I´m blonde?”

Thomas would have preferred a colonoscopy to answering all of Newt´s questions. In the end, he decided to take an honest approach “I might have… told him about you” he breathed out.

The blonde´s eyebrows went all the way to his hairline. “Infatuated, aren´t we?”

“In love, is more like it. And I just stood him up. We had plans today, which I seem to have completely forgotten about. It´s your fault. You and your pretty eyes made me forget.”

Newt´s face went a beat red. “I´m sorry. Let´s ask for the check and get you going”. He made a motion for the waiter to get their receipt, to Thomas´ disappointment. Damn Minho. Everything had been going so well. Still, he had an excuse not to leave the blonde alone for that long a time. He decided to play his cards.

“Nothing to be sorry about. It was me who made the mistake. Listen Newt, I see the color has returned to your cheeks and I am happy to see that through out the time we have been out here, you have been feeling okay, right?” Newt nodded. “But we can´t take that many chances. You need to promise me things.”

Thomas realized he had no right asking anything out of Newt but he didn’t care. He wanted both, to keep the blonde safe and to be with him, and if to do that he had to sound a little delusional so be it. It had worked this far, hadn´t it?

“What do you want me to do Tommy?” Newt said, but his tone was a little sad. Was that because Thomas was going to leave him? Because the topic of conversation was back to his health?

“Well first, promise me that if you feel bad at all, you will call me, please?” The blonde nodded. “Anything out of the ordinary, whatever you feel, don’t text. Call. Second, you need to eat. And having an empty fridge is not an excuse… arg, see, this is why you need someone to care for you?!” Thomas interrupted himself in frustration. Newt couldn’t eat if he had nothing edible in his house and in his state going grocery shopping wasn’t exactly the best idea. The only solution he could think of was if he went to the stores himself and bought him simple things to eat, that he could cook when Thomas wasn’t around.  Even if Thomas planned to be around as much as he could.

Newt started talking “don’t worry Tommy, I´ll get some take out or… something”.

Thomas looked at Newt with as much gravity as he could muster, to get his point across effectively “I´m not sure that is going to be enough. No offense my dear, but I don’t trust you to do it”. The brunette had used the word  _dear_ with caution. He had permission to date the guy, yes, but he wasn’t sure he could start calling him names just yet. Newt called him Tommy, didn´t he? But that was different because it was a variation on his name and it felt as natural as water, damn it. 

Newt looked taken aback by the use of the endearment for a moment but then sighted, “I don’t blame you. Look Tommy, I’m not very good at eating. I never get hungry and though I know I need it to be strong to recover, I just forget about it all the time. It never pops into my head”.

Thomas was sure that that was a symptom of depression if he ever saw one. In fact, there were many there that he just couldn´t ignore as a paramedic. Taking Newt out of his house this morning had been a risk he had been willing to take if only to give the blonde a moment in the sun, to uplift his sprits a little. It was clear to him that being so isolated and so sick had been very detrimental for the blonde´s mental health. Which was also something he planned to improve. Soon.

“I understand, but I need you to eat. To make an effort. I know people tell other people to just ¨make an effort¨ all the time and it never helps, but now I am doing it only for you to realize that it won´t be easy, but I need you to do it anyways. For me?”

Newt smiled but answered “Bloody hell, we are bossy aren´t we? One minute you are courting me and the other you are ordering me to eat. Okay Tommy, I´ll do it”. His thick English accent did strange things to Thomas´ groin. And that was a problem he didn’t want now so he tried to ignore it. Unsuccessfully.

He settled on smiling and trying to push his luck just a little harder. He wondered when Newt would just tell him to sod off and leave. “You still have nothing to eat though, so I´ll just do the shopping and pop back by your house in the afternoon. To check on the injury too?”

For a moment Newt looked like he was about to say no and Thomas held his breath. But then the blonde smiled, a teasing grin on his face, “Okay mom. Whatever you say”.

Thomas exhaled gratefully. 

There was a third item on his list of requests for Newt, and since being bold had worked so far with him, so he decided to put it plainly, and be done with it: “Just one last thing…Newt, I need you to take care of yourself. No unnecessary moves, no Superman act. Just be careful, okay?” There was honest worry in his voice and he let it show. He needed to convince his blonde of just how precious he was to him, how much he cared, to maybe get him to see himself in a better light and change his attitude.

Newt seemed to catch it for he answered “Yes Tommy… I… I …wont give you reasons to worry”.

Thomas grabbed the blonde man´s hand in his own again and kissed it lightly. “Thank you, thank you. Now, let´s get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Newt really okay with this? He has never been this close to anyone right? Stay tuned.


	6. What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt fights his inner demons and Thomas fights for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let´s just say this was very difficult for me to write. Trigger warnings for depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, eating disorders and health related angst. 
> 
> I made Brenda and Minho sort of a couple because I have always liked the thought of them together, mischievous little rascals that they are.

_What the bloody hell do you think you are doing Newton?!*_ Newt thought to himself as he closed the door of his house behind him.

He leaned against the door and let himself slide to the floor. He could still feel Tommy’s arms around him, as he had hug him goodbye. He had been taken by surprise by said sign of affection, as he was not used to hugging anyone. Sonya and him were very German about it and barely ever pat each other on the back. It didn’t mean that they didn’t love each other. They did, dearly, but it was just not a touchy feely type of love.

Thomas, though, seemed to be very physically affectionate. From grabbing his hand when they had been doing their “love confessions” to hugging him just now, he had seemed like he was just grasping to touch Newt wherever he could. 

Newt just didn’t know how to feel about it. It was unknown territory, completely out of both, his comfort zone and his experience. 

But that was the least of his troubles now. He had said some things and made some promises back there to Thomas that were completely out of character for him. That went against everything he had been doing with his life up to this moment. 

From the moment he had fully grasped what his heart condition entailed he had decided to stay away from love, if only to spare his potential partner from pain.  
  
So long in his life he had undergone 4 surgeries, a heart infection and multiple procedures. At 23, that was a lot. All the doctors told him so. It didn’t stop them from happening though.  
  
He had seen Sonya go through enough because of said procedures, always outside of hospital rooms with their terrible coffee and bad news waiting around the corner. And the whole responsibility of Newt’s health. Alone. He loved his sister, and it burdened him to put her through these things, at her young age.  
  
That was mainly why he had decided to stay away from everyone, not just potential love interests. Not to repeat what he had done to his sister to some other poor, innocent soul. 

The last time he had seen his doctors they had still been inconclusive of whether or not he needed another openhearted surgery to place artificial valves in his heart, since his own had been affected badly because of the infection. Some of his cardiologist (yes, he had several) thought he could make it without the operation, because he already showed progress. The damage had gone from severe to bearable in the last 6 months. There was hope for him. But only if he took care of himself. Took his medication on time. Rested, ate and stayed away from any other kind of sickness.   
  
And those were exactly the things Newt hadn’t been doing.  

It was not like he didn’t want to do them, they just slipped past him. He just forgot. If he was being honest he just didn't want to fucking do them anymore. It wasn’t as if he was actively trying to kill himself. He was just negligent about his care... sometimes... all the time.

He wouldn’t commit suicide with his own two hands, for how could he do that to Sonya? After everything she had done for him?

But he was tired, ohh so tired of taking care of himself. Of following doctors orders. Of not being able to simply sprint like any other 23 year old, of always having to measure his strength, of never being able to do anything. Not even buy his own bloody groceries.

He wasn’t sure he could stand another stay at the hospital. Another stay at the ICU. Another drip. Another inconclusive test result. He felt like he had given all he had to give and now, now he was just so damn exhausted.

So he stopped being so careful. Maybe he missed a pill or two. Maybe he didn’t adjust the heat in his house at night so he wouldn’t catch a cold. Maybe he just wouldn’t eat unless he was actually hungry.

And he knew that if he did take care of himself he might avoid the dreaded openhearted surgery. But he was sure there would a next one, if he avoided this one. It had happened before.

But that, that had been before he had met Thomas. Thomas and his pretty smile and his pretty eyes. Thomas and his kindness. Thomas and his warmth. Ever since meeting the brunette he had been acting pretty strangely.

Sure, at first he had tried to stay away from him, knowing that he just couldn’t live with himself if he implicated such a good person in the mess that was his life.

But then, then Tommy had been there for him, caring and loving and telling him he was not just a burden but someone who deserved to be loved. Someone worthy. 

Newt had never known such kindness. Newt had never seen himself outside of the confines of a cardiologist office. He had never been treated with such love, not even by Sonya. And this man, damn he gave him hope.

A hope he had not had for so, so long.

He had promised Thomas he was going to eat. That he was going to take care of himself. He wasn’t going to give him a reason to worry.

Could he do that? Could he really latch onto this hope and run with it? Could he change all he had been, all he had believed in to this day? Was it fair? To Tommy?

Newt knew that Thomas had one version of his sickness. He had told him only a part of the several things that ailed his heart (sure, he had told him the most important, but still) at a moment in which it was paramount to calm the man down. He had curated the words he had used so that he didn’t have to spill the whole and complicated truth of his health. At the time, he still thought there was a way to keep the kind brunette away from him. Now he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to let him go.

Maybe with Tommy at his side he would have the strength to finally heal and get better. At least he would have a reason, a motivation.

He decided that if there was to be hope for him, for them, he had to tell him the truth, the complete truth, before they involved themselves any further. 

Then the brunette would have the whole information to decide whether he wanted to stay with Newt or leave before it got ugly.

Newt cursed himself. Why hadn’t he been strong enough to keep the brunette out? Why didn’t he just said no from the beginning? Now it was too late. He was too exposed. He cared too much about Tommy.

He hadn’t realized the moment he had stood up and had started pacing his living room, circling it round and round. Now he was out of breath. He tried to steady himself. Take big gulps of air.

No use. He took his pulse. Not good. He made for the living room to go sit down but he didn’t make it. He passed out in the middle of the house.

————————————

Thomas hit Minho in the head the moment he saw him. 

“Damn you Minhotaur” he said, using the nickname he had given his best friend when he was five, which he knew annoyed the living Jesus out of him.

“Don’t call me that Romeo” Minho teased, unsuccessfully trying to avoid the zap in the head. He rubbed with his hand where Thomas had just hit him and said “I’m sorry if I interrupted your romantic morning but we had had those tickets for forever and now you made me miss the play of my life”.

“I doubt it was the play of your life Min. And I already apologized. I will buy you dumplings till we are 70, what more do you want?”

“To know if you have kissed him already?” Minho stuck his tongue out in a bad taste imitation of a kiss. 

Thomas glared “I’m not telling you that.” But then said, with a big smile, “I am glad to report though, that he has agreed to go out with me.” 

“And look at your face of satisfaction. It’s official man, we have lost you.”

“Who have we lost?” Said a feminine voice behind them. They turned around to greet Brenda. She had been Minho’s girlfriend for a while, before they decided they were really just friends with benefits and decided to quit the façade. She was from the US too and together with Thomas, they made a weird little trio. They were the best of friends and the only family Thomas had known since he had moved to London. For some strange reason he had never seen Brenda as anything more than a sister, though she was defiantly attractive. Just not his type though. No, his type had unruly blonde hair and eyes the color of honey...

“Earth to Thomas? Are you there Thomas?” Brenda’s hand was waving in front of his face and Thomas startled. He hadn’t noticed it was there.

“Yes, we lost him” she looked back at Minho, who winked at her. 

“Guys, guys, just let me be okay? It’s not like you don’t know what it feels like to be in the early stages of love” Thomas said.

“Talking about love already? I want to hear all about this guy” Brenda pushed them both into the pub in front of them, where they had agreed to met after Thomas had stood up Minho so unceremoniously. The asian man had said that the only way he could forgive his best friend was if he paid a round of beers at the local joint, and if Brenda accompanied them. 

_*Fair enough*_  thought Thomas. He had neglected his friend because of love reasons and now Minho wanted to gain a little something out of it by getting an excuse to see Brenda. So be it.

Even though this still didn’t excuse him from the dumpling debt.

They talked at length about Newt. Brenda was just as troubled as Minho was about both, the fact that she wasn’t sure Thomas was really over Teresa yet, and the heart condition of his blonde.

“I am sure you know Thomas, as well as I do, that heart infections just don’t happen over night. They usually come from the malfunction of a medical device in the heart or some other kind of sepsis. There is more to Newt’s story, which he clearly hasn’t spilled” Brenda said, critically. She was a doctor after all. A dermatologist sure, but she still knew enough of what she was talking about. 

Thomas considered this. “Yes, I know there is more than he has told me. But I didn’t want to push him with my questions. Not just yet. He has revealed what he is comfortable with, and for now, I am still winning his trust. He will tell me everything at a point, I’m sure”.

“He should have told you from the beginning if his intentions are honorable with you”.

“You don’t know him Brenda, he seems really scared about his condition” Thomas tone had a little defensive edge to it which threaten to over take his voice completely.

“The more reason for you to have your reserves. You don’t know what he has gone through. Maybe it is really serious and you are tying yourself to a lost cause” Brenda’s voice had gone a whole octave higher in the last 5 seconds.

Thomas was raging now and he answered furiously “then so be it!”. 

Minho quickly interrupted the argument, raising his hands between both his friends “guys, guys, easy there. Brenda just cares for you Thomas. We are all on the same side here.”

“I’m sorry Thomas” said Brenda automatically, looking honestly regretful for her reaction. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”

Thomas took a deep, deep breath  to calm his nerves before answering “it’s okay Bren. I know you want me safe. It’s just that I can’t picture myself unsafe with Newt. Even if his condition is awful. Would you rather know true love once, or not at all?”

Brenda, always practical, answered “I think you are being too romantic about this. And you don’t know what you have gotten yourself into. But yes, I guess I would rather know true love once...I still can’t get how you got over Teresa so quickly.”

Thomas almost chuckled. Maybe his friends would never understand him. It was okay though. Because he knew they loved him. And because he was sure of his love for Newt. As much as he was sure he breathed air. As long as he had Newt by his side, he would be okay. More like great actually. And they would all be alright.

Right? 

He checked his phone and saw with disappointment that he had no texts or calls. Newt had promised he would call or text if he felt anything out of the ordinary so him getting no messages was a good sign surely. He still would have liked for the blonde to text him, if only to know that he was fine. He sighted. He couldn’t get worked up every time Newt didn’t send him anything. He opted to be proactive about his worry though, texting the blonde:

_Hey Newtie!_  (he cringed at the word but it was the closest thing to an endearment he could use right now, besides dear which he had tried but his blonde didn’t seem to like)  _How are you feeling? I’m just closing up with my friends to go see you. I’m gonna stop by the shops first. Do you want anything in particular other than a block of cheese and earl grey?_

He registered that in the background Brenda and Minho has gone into a conversation about the immigrant legislation in Europe. He tried to chip in, giving his opinions about it, happy that they had left his love life as the main topic for the day.

Time passed though and he didn’t receive an answer. At first he thought it was normal. Newt had probably taken a nap or something along those lines. By the 30 minute mark without an answer though, he started to panic. He sent another text:

_Newt, you are scaring me. Are you alright?_

Nothing. 

He excused himself from the table, to both Minho’s and Brenda’s apprehensive gazes, and called the blonde. 

Nothing. 

This sure wasn’t normal. 

Another call.

Nothing.

He came back to the table to grab his things. “Newt is not answering me guys. I’m going to go check on him. He is surely napping or something but I would rather see that he is okay with my own two eyes”. He tried to keep his voice steady. He failed.

He knew, deep down, that there was something wrong in this picture. Fear clutched his chest and threatened to overtake him, but he wouldn’t let it. He had to be strong now and think clear, to get to Newt quickly out of whatever situation he currently was in.

Had the walk in the morning been too much? _*Damn you and your bad ideas Thomas!*_

Brenda and Minho looked at him worriedly but both nodded, almost at once.

“Go. Be quick about it” said Brenda looking into his eyes a little bit too much for his liking.

“If you need anything man, I’m here.” said Minho.

“Me too” added Brenda.

He just gave them a short nod and made his way to Newt’s house, panic tracing his every step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I´m sorry. This had to happen at some point. Don´t fret though. The next chapter is coming soon.


	7. I´m not leaving you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals, sisters and crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify the medical data a little bit, just know that every healthy human must have from 60 to 85ish heartbeats per minute. It may vary but usually having something below or above that means bad news. For someone with Newt´s age and height 70 beats per minute would be the ideal. 
> 
> How do I know this? Well, blame the internet.

Thomas was startled by the hand thrown in front of him to greet him. He had been too worried, too damn panicked to notice much around him. He looked up.  
  
A blonde girl, more or less 20, with long locks and eyes that were strikingly similar to her brother’s was standing in front of him, her arm outstretched.  
  
“Hey there, sorry to startle you, you must be Tommy” she said. The name sounded so wrong on anyone else’s voice that it made Thomas jump a little.  
  
Sonya seemed to notice “I’m sorry to call you that but it was the name Newt gave me. I will rather call you Thomas if you prefer that”.  
  
Thomas grabbed her hand and shaked it “you can call me whatever you like. Sonya, right?”  
  
“I see that my brother told you about me. And yes, before you ask, I know exactly who you are.” She winked conspiratorially at him as she took the seat next to him in the E.R.  
  
Thomas went red for a moment and then asked in disbelief “he... he told you about me?”  
  
“Do you honestly think my brother would fall in love for the first time and not tell me? I don’t know what he told you about our relationship but, let me tell you, it’s pretty close. I applaud your stubbornness in getting Newt to open up a little to you. You are persistent.”  
  
So Newt had indeed told Sonya everything that had happened between them. Thomas sighted and looked at the young woman. He could see what Newt meant when he said he didn’t want to bother her more than necessary. She clearly looked out of place in the waiting room of the hospital they were currently in, with her blushed cheeks and her colored dress.  
  
It took him just a little longer to register some other hidden thing that had been on Sonya’s words. Newt was falling in love with him! Or that was what she had understood from what he had told her and that was enough for him.  
  
The realization that they were in a hospital and not in some random café talking casually suddenly hit Thomas. He had forgotten it for a moment, getting to know this new piece of Newt’s life he had in front of him in the form of his sister.  
  
The other new part of Newt’s life that he was learning about wasn’t as nice as this smiling child.  
  
When he arrived to Newt’s house he had had to take down the door by force, because the blonde hadn’t opened, no matter how much he knocked. He had found him in the middle of the house, passed out.  
  
The fear that had clutched Thomas’ heart since he had called Newt to no avail intensified at the sight, almost blinding him, but thankfully his paramedic training had kicked into gear, calling an ambulance and making sure the blonde was alright until it arrived.  
  
He had taken his vitals only to realize his pulse, at 40, was low. Very low considering both Newt’s age and height.  
  
Ever since arriving at the hospital though he hadn’t known anything about his blonde, because he, of course, was not related to him in any way. The medical staff had called Sonya, who wasn’t only the emergency contact but also the only one who could call the shots. She had full decision making rights.  
  
Thomas had been going a little insane before she had arrived, worried sick about the man he loved. And could do nothing for. He had tried to get information the nice way (by asking), breaking into the emergency room, sneaking in, but so far with no success.  
  
The chief of nurses had threatened to get him kicked out of the hospital if he didn’t behave and that had been enough to make him take a sit in the waiting room of the E.R. and wait for Sonya to arrive.  
  
And then, he thought, he would coax the information out of her. But she didn’t look like she needed much convincing to tell him what he wanted. She even looked relaxed. This clearly wasn’t her first rodeo.  
  
Sonya touched his arm warmly and said “I know you are worried about Newt, but you don’t have to be. This is not the first time this happens. It won’t be the last. He is fine. Just didn’t take his meds on time and did a little too much Cardio. He is like that, my brother. Never takes care of himself. They are stabilizing him and then we can take him home”.  
  
Thomas was relieved instantly by the knowledge that Newt was well enough to be discharged so quickly. He was also thankful to Sonya for including him in the “taking Newt home” part. She didn’t know him but seemed to have taken to him quite well.  
  
“Thank you.” She said, her voice quiet “for keeping an eye on him. For bringing him to the hospital. I don’t want to think how long it might have been before I realized something was wrong if you hadn’t been looking out for him. We are close but my life is just so busy...” she trailed off, looking guilty. With each sentence that came out of her mouth Thomas understood Newt more and more. She didn’t deserve to be here. He could see why he would rather suffer than cause her trouble.  
  
“You don’t have to worry about it” he said, truthfully. Then took a big breath, realizing that he was talking to the only family Newt had. Even if she was still a girl Sonya had already showed him kindness and her approval at his relationship with Newt. He had to at least let her know his intentions with her brother were honest and serious.  
  
So he started talking, nervous, but sure of what he was saying: “I am not sure we should have this conversation here, in the middle of the E.R., But before anything else happens I just want you to know that I mean well by your brother. I’m not here for a while to take advantage of his vulnerability or his pretty eyes. I... I don’t know if you believe in love at first sight but I honestly think that is what happened to me with Newt. I was hooked the moment I met him.” She smiled sweetly at him but didn’t interrupt him.  
  
“And I am a practical, sensible guy. This had never happened to me before. But your brother just has something, which makes me want to give him everything I have”.  
  
“You do look like you are in love with him” she said coyly. Then, she proceeded with a much more serious tone “But do you know what are you getting yourself  into? Newt’s Health is a mess Thomas. And that is not even the worst part. You haven’t seen him feel bad yet. He gets into moods. Stops talking for days. He is never easy on the doctors. He eats one day and starves the next. He never lets me help him. Well, in that regard you do seem to have achieved much more than everyone that ever tried.” She sighted, looking 10 years older than she was.  
  
“What I mean to say and no, it is not to discourage you, I am the first one who is including you in this, is that it won’t be easy. It won’t be like any other relationship you ever had. He needs another surgery soon. Dummy ruined his chances of going without it because he didn’t take enough bloody care of himself. The doctors just told me.”  
  
Thomas shook his head slightly. He knew Newt wasn’t taking proper care of himself but he didn’t know this much was on the line. Ohh what he wouldn’t give to go back at the beginning of all this, to take care of Newt. To make sure he ate and rested and chase his demons away. But that was wishful thinking. He had to act with what he had now, and if that was surgery then he would face it with his love. By his side.  
  
“What I mean to tell you Thomas” she continued “is that if you are in, then by all means, welcome to the party. God knows my brother needs something to fight for. But if you are not ready for this and no one would blame you for it, please make your exit soon before you break his already broken heart “. Her tone wasn’t menacing but it wasn’t innocent either. It was almost sad.  
  
Thomas looked Sonya straight in the eye to make sure his point came across clearly: “ever since I met Newt, everyone, and by everyone I mean even him, has tried to warn me about what it would mean to get involved with someone like him. They all have told me that I am risking my well being and that nothing good can come of this. That I will suffer by seeing the one I love hurt. But I tell you this now with all of my heart, conscious of my choices, I am all in. In the upcoming surgery and even if tries to cut me out, I’m here to stay.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers “I told this to my best friend and I hope you understand it as well. It’s not like I have much choice. Newt seems to have stolen my very soul. I am doomed, whether I like it or not”.  
  
Sonya grinned at him “God help you”.

—————————

Newt was still asleep when they finally let Thomas into the little cubicle in which he was nested in the E.R. He had a drip and the monitor above his head showed that his pulse counted to 45. Better, but not much better.  
  
Thomas sighed, all the tension that had accumulated on his body from the hours of worry draining from him, leaving him empty and limp.  
  
He suddenly found his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer and took a sit in the chair that was next to Newt’s bed.  
  
He took the white hand that lay in the duvet in his, and leaned his forehead into their folded hands.  
  
Just as he was about to close his eyes a low voice, not above a whisper, said “I seem to have given you reasons to worry and I promised you otherwise. I’m sorry Tommy”.  
  
Thomas looked up to see his blonde, pale as a sheet of paper but awake, at last. He felt so much relief he could almost cry. He smiled at him, weakly, and said “I only forgive you because I like you very much. But we have to talk about a few things, you and me.”  
  
“You know about the surgery?” Newt looked exhausted but not physically. He look tired in his mind. In his soul.  
  
“I do” said Thomas slowly and then continued truthfully “There are many things about this I still don’t understand but for now I want to leave a few matters clear, okay?”  
  
Newt nodded. His eyes were guarded, their usual vulnerability not showing. Thomas understood. He thought he was being dumped. He couldn’t expect anything better.  
  
“Don’t even try to push me away. I’m not leaving. If this surgery gets ugly, I’m not leaving you. If Sonya has me dragged into the street I will come back. If you try to cut me out and I know you will, I won’t let you. You have been alone enough Newt. You have faced these things on your own and done enough as it is. But you don’t have to do it anymore. You are not alone.”  
  
Newt looked like he was about to cry and even though his voice quivered he kept a straight face as he said “but I am alone Tommy. Always have. Always will. This is my burden to carry. Not yours. Not Sonya’s. Mine”.  
  
“Will you stop being so damn stubborn?” Thomas almost yelled. Newt looked taken aback but he remained silent. Thomas continued “you are not alone Newt because you have me now. Me. I’m here for you. You said you would let me court you right? Well courting now means caring. I am here. I’m not leaving you”.  
  
And then Newt broke down. Thomas hugged him close as tiny sobs racked his light body. The blonde seemed not to know how to return the hug but he let himself be held anyways. Probably for the first time in a long time thought Thomas sadly. He cried and cried, holding fistfuls of Thomas´ T-shirt (his own on Thomas actually) in his hands. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by the brunette’s shoulder “I just can’t do this anymore Tommy. I can’t. I won’t be able to stand another surgery. Why can’t I just be healthy? Then I could be with you. Then I could make you happy”.  
  
Thomas pulled away slightly and the sight that greeted him broke his heart. Newt’s eyes were red and his face was streaked all over from tears. There was a look of complete hopelessness in his eyes that only made the brunette want to protect him more. He grabbed the precious face in his hands and spoke directly to his eyes “Hey. I’ve never been happier than the first time you called me Tommy. But when you said you would let me court you comes as a close second. I had never known such love and agony as I have in the last few days. It’s like I was asleep and now I am finally awake to what life truly is. What it means. Why I am here. You make me happy. And you can be with me. And we will make it through this together, till you are better. You hear me? When you feel like you can’t do this anymore I will be here for you, giving you the strength you need to carry on. We will do it. Together.”  
  
Newt hiccuped a little but the vulnerability in his eyes seemed to have returned. He finally nodded, his voice shaky when he spoke “together”.  
  
“That’s right”. Thomas said, kissing his head gently and enveloping him tighter in his arms.  
  
Above their heads, the vitals monitor beeped happily, showing a 50 on itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing Sonya and she gets better in the next chapter. Notice how Newt and Thomas never refer to their houses as home. Because they are not their home. That is coming later.


	8. Goofy with feelings and impulses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experimental touches and sex talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you eventual smut didn´t? I realize with Newt´s condition is a little problematic, but this is at least an addressing of the subject. We will get smut at a point. I promise.

Newt was discharged not long afterwards. The unlikely trio of Newt, Thomas and Sonya took a cab to the blonde’s house where the brunette helped him get settled into the only coach in the room (ohh how this bothered Thomas, he had no idea why). 

Sonya looked honestly relived and thankful that now they had Thomas with them. He didn’t even want to think how the petite girl managed to do all this without help before. She thanked him profusely and threaten to marry him if Newt didn’t. 

“Leave him alone!” shouted Newt from where he was sited, at his sister’s remark, but with a tone that suggested playfulness. 

Sonya raised her eyebrows, whispering to Thomas as she motioned for him to stand in the little corridor that led to the living room with her “I’ve never seen him in such a good mood after a stay at the hospital, what did you do, drug him?”

“I can hear you!” Newt shouted at them again. “If you are going to talk about me at least do it to my face.” His tone remained light. Thomas thanked all the gods for that.

They moved then to face the blonde, who had tucked his legs under him in the couch and was halfway laying on it. “Don’t gossip like two wicked school girls, tell Thomas what you were going to tell him in front of me” the voice had a little edge to it this time.

“Well, if we must. I was going to tell Thomas that you are a bloody pain in the ass and that because you simply can’t take care of yourself then I will probably end up moving here. At least I have to stay the next two days since the doctors ordered you bed rest and I know you are not going to do it.” 

“You are not going to stay here” stated Newt simply.

“I want to see you try to stop me brother” answered Sonya, fire in her eyes. Thomas figured this was his queue to enter the argument. 

“Newt, you need someone to take care of you. And we won’t take no for an answer. You forfeited your rights to go at it alone the moment you passed out. Now, Sonya can stay with you, or I’ll stay here. Pick.”

Newt looked bewildered. “You have work”.

“Well, tomorrow is Sunday and I can get someone to cover me on Monday”.

Newt opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, looking at a loss. 

Sonya grinned “ja! Someone finally shut you up! Pick brother mine. Me, the demon in the skin of your sister or this hunk who has the sweetest smile I have ever seen. If you don’t pick him, I might”. 

Thomas went profusely red but smiled. He liked Sonya. She had a no nonsense streak to her that made her sassy and strong. And she was helping him. 

“Him, obviously” Newt had gone red in the face as well but looked, if possible, a little pleased. He smiled at Thomas “You are sure this is not an imposition Tommy?” 

“I offered, right?” He smiled back at Newt. Two days alone with his blonde sounded like just what the doctor had ordered him, pardoning the obvious reference. 

“Right then. So it is decided. Thank you Thomas. You will never know just how grateful I am to you and to all the Gods that you burned my brother with your coffee that fateful morning. You are already making our lives better.” 

“He already made my life better” he nodded at Newt, whose eyes sparkled at his statement. 

“Ohh you two are so cute. Now I will go get the shopping done so you have something to eat and I will be right back. Don’t kiss too much while I’m gone.” And with that, Sonya turned around and left.

Newt smiled apologetically at Thomas the minute his sister was out “she is weird but she is my sister”.

“Are you kidding? She is great!” Thomas said, honestly believing so. “She loves you very much”.

“I know” Newt lowered his gaze, “I know”.

“Hey. Hey. There is no reason to be sad. Unless two days with me seems like too much of a burden?” Thomas voice had a little too much excitement in it. He had tried to hide it, but he found he couldn’t. He was just giddy to finally have an excuse not to leave Newt’s side, to finally take care of him. 

“Sounds bloody amazing actually” the blonde snorted. “So, I can asume you will continue using my shirts till Monday huh?” 

Thomas considered this for a moment “I’ll go back to my house and pick a few things I might need. Sometime later. Right now I am just where I need to be. I still want your shirts though.” 

They grinned at each other, goofy with feelings and impulses that Thomas couldn’t stop and Newt had never felt before. The brunette approached where the blonde was sitting, and took the place by his side, in the lonely coach. He grabbed his hand, delicately, and kissed it lightly. Newt shuddered and froze. Thomas noticed and said in the sweetest of tones “this is new to you, isn’t it?”

Newt nodded, gulping. “I’ve... I’ve never touched anyone before. Hadn’t been touched much either... other than by doctors and nurses that is”.

“Well, lets hope this is very different” said Thomas and he clasped the hand in his own, enveloping it “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, or let me do anything that you don’t like. Just tell me how you feel. Does me holding your hand feel good?” the brunette ironically thought he was the perfect candidate for Newt’s boyfriend, since his profession gave him insight into his condition no one else would have. He knew that the blonde’s pulse had been stable at 50 when they left the hospital, and though he didn’t know the full extent of his health’s situation yet, he did know that raising said pulse with this tiny signs of affection wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Newt closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of the touch “it does feel good...” his voice came out a little too much like a purr and now it was time for Thomas to shudder. 

He cursed himself. A little moan from Newt and he was in pieces. What would he do when they actually... ohh but it was unthinkable now, with the blonde as he was. But he could hope right? For the future. A future he would make sure they had. 

Newt was looking at him with a strange expression in his face. “What are you thinking about Tommy?” 

Thomas realized he had been a little too obvious with his body reactions “about the future, about us in the future” he answered truthfully. 

Newt looked sad for a moment but Thomas squeezed his hand just a little “you are going to make it. And then we will be free to do whatever we want. You just have to bear with me and take care of yourself, okay? You don’t even have to do it yourself, just let me care for you, yes?” His eyes were pleading. 

Thomas could almost see the internal turmoil going on in Newt’s mind but finally he said “yes”.

Thomas opened up his arms and made a motion for the blonde to lay in his arms. Newt looked wary but eventually he leaned in. Stiff. The brunette touched his back lightly, rubbing soothing circles in it, until he relaxed. He whispered into Newt’s ear “is this alright?” 

The blonde breathed out a sweet “yes” and then a “don’t stop”. 

Tommy could feel his hot breath on the delicate skin of his throat and he had to think about dead fish to stop his incoming reaction. He cherished every moment he had touching the blonde in any way to ruin it with his manly reactions. 

Good God, Newt was going to be the end of him. 

———————————

When Sonya returned he found the pair sleeping, Newt nuzzled into Thomas’s arms, looking relaxed and happy. She smiled and sighted with relief. She had never seen her brother this well after a hospital stay. Scratch that, she had never seen her brother this well period. She put away the groceries and left them a quick note that read:

_Lovebirds,_

_I found you two sleeping when I came to leave the groceries, and since it is past midnight and it has been a long day for all of us, I decided to let you rest. You know where to find me if you need anything. Newt, behave please. Thomas, you are awesome mate._

_Love,_

_Sonya._  

_—————————_

Newt woke up feeling rested and warm for the second day in a row. _*Well, this is something I could defiantly get used to*_ he thought to himself, as he opened his eyes slowly. He found out with mild surprise that he was huddled in Tommy’s arms, his cheek pressed against his chest.

He could hear the steady heartbeat beneath the rib cage, so different from his own. He felt relief with each beat and was thankful for the first time ever for being the sick one. He wouldn’t be able to cope if something happened to Thomas. 

He thought about that statement for a second. Had the brunette become so vital to him in just a few days? And then he pictured his life before him, a life that was so near and yet felt so far away. A life of despair. A life without hope. 

Yes, he admitted to himself then. Tommy had become his light and if he was being honest with himself, something more.

Tommy spoke so easily of love and Newt thought that it was because he knew what love felt like. Could identify it easier than him at least. He had never loved anyone that wasn’t his sister. He still couldn’t place if the feeling of happiness and warmth and devotion and excitement that latched onto his chest whenever he was near the brunette was actually love.

Though it sounded like it. Though he thought it felt like it. 

He remembered being touched by Tommy just some hours ago and found out that he was smiling. Because it had felt good. Better than anything else in his world so far. Maybe he should try it more? Take the initiative?

“What are you smiling about?” 

He looked up to see that Thomas had been watching him the whole time that he had been awake. He blushed profusely. “Well, really... I was thinking about... you. What... what were you doing watching me sleep?” He asked in counter defense.

“I like it. You look peaceful and happy” the affection in his eyes almost made Newt melt. His chest fluttered and for the right reasons for he first time in his life. He also realized Thomas had made no movement, so that his body was still pressed flushed against the brunette. They had slept like this all night. The first time he slept with anyone. 

And then he realized they both had a little problem going on in their nether regions. Some morning wood so to speak. His face went completely red but Thomas just laughed lightheartedly. 

“And this, Newt, I’m sure you know, is what happens when you sleep with someone you like. Give it a while, it will get better”.

And then it dawned on Newt that this part of a normal relationship was something he couldn’t give the brunette. Not now at least. Only if he actually got better. If he managed it. But Thomas was a healthy man in the peak of his youth and of course sex was something he would crave and then, and then it would all go to hell.

Thomas seemed to have read his thoughts for he said: “you know? Sex is an important part of a relationship but it isn’t everything.  You can have sex with a stranger easily and it can mean nothing. What is not easy is to find someone with whom holding hands feels earth shattering. Someone you would give your whole damn life only to hold them in their sleep. That is rare. And I don’t know about you but I feel that way with you. I prefer that any day than sex for the sake of sex. Plus, since you will make a full recovery, we will get our chance. You’ll see”. Thomas winked at him.

But Newt wasn’t going to get convinced so easily. He spoke, his voice a little loud and panicky “that is what you say now but as time passes... and then if I can’t... you will go running to someone else and I... I won’t be able to take it”. That he felt fear, actual fear, at the thought of Thomas leaving him because of this surprised him a little. The reaction was overblown and he knew it. Still he couldn’t hold it in and then he was gasping a little for breath. 

Thomas noticed for he straightened up and grabbed him by the shoulders. He spoke clearly to him “Newt, breathe. Listen to me. Breathe.” Then he hugged him warmly, rubbing his back. Newt relaxed a little into his embrace and then moved a little away to take a sense of his pulse. It was jittery but not that bad. 

Thomas hugged him again, whispering in his hair “you are alright. We are alright”.

Breath found his lungs again and he leaned fully against Tommy, who grabbed his cheeks and looked into his eyes “do you really think I am here because of that? I mean, I won’t lie to you, my body does weird things when he hears your damned accent or you lean against me just like this.” Newt tried to move away but Thomas’ arms wouldn’t let him. So he remained still and listened to what the brunette had to say.

“But it’s only natural because I like you so much. Yes I am young but I’ve had my fair share of experience knowing that the flesh is not all that it’s about. And I do want you that way Newt. But I also know now is not the time and  I will wait for it to the end of my days if necessary.”

Newt looked deep into Tommy’s pretty brown eyes. He seemed to be telling the truth. He had obviously known this was going to be a factor when he got involved with someone like him and still, he remained here. He had been here more than anyone else ever had. So he decided to trust the man, for all the evidence showed him trustworthy. 

Also, he knew that if he entertained the idea that Thomas might leave him because of it he could end up in the hospital again. And all he wanted now was to spend the next two days alone with Thomas in the confines of his house. So no. He decided to let it go. For the time being at least.

He said then, his voice a little shaky “I hope it’s not till the end of your days”. 

Thomas sighted and said “it wouldn’t matter. Newt you are special, can’t you understand it?” 

“To you” he muttered.

“Yes to me. Do you want to be special for anyone else?” Thomas arranged them on the coach so that Newt was fully in his arms, chest to chest, his arms around his torso. This was the closest physically they had gotten so far but the blonde decided that despite the circumstance that had led to it, he liked it. He felt like butter to Tommy’s touch. He felt protected. He felt loved.

“Of course not” answered Newt shifting a little to get more comfortable “I only care about you”.

“Great. Cause I only care about you. Now, let’s stop talking about sex this early in the morning and get some breakfast, okay?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Sonya is a delight guys. I want to make her her own fan fiction.


	9. I want you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domesticity, sad talks and kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff and more fluff.
> 
> Chapter inspired by Dido´s "Look no Further" (I know my music references are ancient but give them a go, it makes reading a little better, in my experience.)

Thomas stopped halfway through buttering a scone. He looked at Newt, who was laying on the couch, on his side. His face was buried in a book about plants and every now and then he muttered things to himself. His hair was wilder than usual, sticking out at incredible angles, the only thing of him visible behind said book. 

Thomas looked around. The little house, which had left such a bad impression on him the first time he had seen it, now had a little charm to it.

There were clothes everywhere, and books lying around. Cups of half finished tea littered the flat surfaces, as did candles in different states of melting. There were no decorations but the walls were painted a buttery yellow which offered a stark contrast to the rest of the frankly empty space.

The place smelled strangely of honey and antiseptic and yes, earl grey tea. A smell he had known before. Newt’s smell. 

Yes, he smiled, he was home. 

He looked back at every decision he had made. From being a paramedic, to courting Teresa and coming to the U.K. with her to advance her career, he could see every moment of his life aligning to bring him here. To this place. To Newt’s kitchen. 

“Is that scone ever getting buttered? I’m afraid for it’s life purpose.” Thomas was startled by Newt’s voice but he recovered quickly when he saw him, a grin on his face, his book lowered.

“I was just thinking that your house is a mess” he said, cheekily.

“Try cleaning when you are ordered bed rest one day and also the next” his voice was playful. Thomas had never heard Newt talk about his condition this casually. It was a good first though. Maybe it meant he was getting less afraid of it. 

“Well, we need to get house cleaning” 

“We?” Newt’s voice was a little expectant. 

“Well, so far I’m going to stay here for a couple of days but later, who knows, maybe you will be ordered more bed rest.” 

“We aren’t officially together yet and you want to move in?” His eyebrows were raised but the smile remained in his lips. That gave Thomas a little room to rest, despite feeling a pang of nervousness at the topic. 

He hadn’t realized, for some strange reason, that Newt and him weren’t officially together yet. The days had been so eventful and Sonya had been so accepting of him that he somehow felt like they were a couple already. 

Newt probably noticed the dumbstruck look on Thomas’ face for he added “you were going to court me...? Though I doubt taking me to the hospital and baby sitting me count as a real dates”. 

“Well, by my estimates we already had one real date. I took you to breakfast remember?” the brunette finished buttering the scones and took a tray that had that, some fresh fruit, hot steaming tea and three pill bottles to the only other furniture in the living room: a small wooden table. 

Bed rest meant Newt couldn’t get up much, so it fell on Thomas to feed him and make sure he took his meds. It made him very happy to have that job. That meant he would actually have the certainty that the blonde was getting the care and rest he needed. And that was exactly what Thomas wanted. Above all things. Well, except maybe a kiss from Newt. 

“And asked to court me in it. It doesn’t count”. Newt said as he looked at the food. He took the tea in both his hands and frowned  at the rest. “I’m not hungry”.

The pout on his face was so cute Thomas thought he could eat him for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

“Hey, remember the talk we just had about sex? How do you think you get there? By not eating?”

Newt looked truly embarrassed at Thomas’ words but the later knew he had hit the right buttons when the blonde took a scone and tentatively nibbled at it. So this was the way to make him eat, he thought bemusedly.

“And I say that counts as a date” he continued, like he hadn’t just blackmailed his blonde with sex. “But I’ll tell you what. Let’s have our second breakfast date right here, right now”. He took a sit on what had become his side of the couch and grabbed a scone.

Newt looked doubtful for a moment but then nodded. “I guess this is the best we can do with me strapped to this damn couch”. 

That was Thomas’ cue to ask some questions that had been burning his mind recently “Newt, why do you sleep here? Don’t you have a bedroom?”

The blonde lowered his gaze, embarrassed “I do, it’s up the stairs”.

Ohhh, so that was it. Because he couldn’t climb the stairs on his own without getting agitated. But then Thomas remembered seeing a door at the end of the corridor on this floor and suddenly it made no sense.

“But there is a bedroom right next to here” he stated before he could think about it. 

Now Newt looked downright sad “it was my parent’s room. I... I don’t go in there”.

Thomas first instinct was the pull the blonde close, and into his arms. Newt had more practice with this now and he let himself be hugged, his body relaxed and his hands tentatively touching the brunette’s back. 

Thomas almost gasped at the touch. It was the first time the blonde had touched him, out of his own free will. _*Progress*_ he thought happily as he cherished the hand on his back, his nerves sparkling with delightful sensation at the point of contact. He had to remind himself that they were talking about something sad not to moan outright at having the object of his affection this close to him, touching him. 

He pulled back a bit from the hug to refrain himself from doing anything inappropriate at this sensitive moment but still held the blonde in his arms, if a little loosely. He started to mumble “I’m sorry I asked, it’s just that...” 

Newt stopped him in the middle of his sentence “it’s alright” he said. And then continued “this is my parent’s house. The estate gave it back to me when I turned 18 as part of the inheritance that they left us. Sonya and I lived here together for a while when she was released from the foster care system two years ago. But it was brief. She left for university almost as soon as she got here. So, I live here. It’s not the most convenient of places for me to be in now, but you know, it’s fine”. He shrugged.

Thomas had never realized that Newt and Sonya were foster care children. He knew their parents died when they were young but not exactly how young. 

Newt read his mind and answered his unspoken question. Thomas thought that they answering questions that hadn’t been yet stated by the other but where about to was becoming a habit of them. They were connected, in one way or the other, he figured. 

“My parent’s passed away when I was 13. Sonya was 10. We went from foster home to foster home for years, mostly because our foster parents complained about me being too much work with my heart and all. It didn’t help that we were two and would´t let them separate us”. 

Thomas knew this was a delicate topic and it probably wasn’t the easiest thing for Newt to talk about. He had escaped his arms and now was sitting in front of him, halfway through the scone, his legs folded to his chest. Like he was protecting himself. Like he was that child all those years ago. Tommy longed to touch him again, comfort him, but decided against it, giving his blonde the space he had claimed between them. He probably needed it, he thought, and it wasn’t like he wanted to spook the slender man with all his need to be near him. 

“That must have been hard” he said then, not knowing what else to say.

“It was. The thing I most regret is that Son had to go through all of that because I was the sick boy no one wanted”.

This little tale explained many, many things to Thomas. Why Newt felt he was always a burden. Why he would rather push everyone out than be rejected because of his sickness. Why he wouldn’t trust anyone and was so stubborn when offered support. 

His past experiences had surely taught him that he was a nuisance, his foster parents never wanting to care for a child that needed a little bit more attention than the rest. They, Newt and Sonya, had been rejected repeatedly, and it probably made the blonde afraid of people, preferring to be wary of them before ever letting anyone close enough to hurt him more. 

It was so sad Thomas could weep with the despair of it all. He wondered how had Newt been strong enough to carry on till now, alone and sick and with such a weight on his chest. 

He was resilient, thought Thomas, and obviously very strong. 

Then, a truth escaped Thomas’ lips before he could stop himself “I do want you Newt”.

Newt gave him a tiny smile and lowered his head on his knees “I still don’t understand why”. Then he continued, snorting lightly “bloody hell, this is a great conversation for a second date”. 

It dawned on Thomas right there and then that no matter what words he used, or how many times he said it, the blonde wasn’t going to believe him when he told him he was amazing. If he tried to tell him now that he appreciated his strength, his bravery, the fact the he still had a kind heart after all he had gone through, Newt wouldn’t listen.

And it made sense. Years of rejection and lack of affection could not be whipped away with a few nice sentences, no matter how much love was behind them.

But then Thomas remembered the way the blonde had almost hugged him a few minutes ago or his response to the sex talk they had earlier. It seemed like Newt learned well through experience, through touch. 

And it also made sense. He hadn’t been given much affection of this kind (or any other really) since he was a child so maybe he could show him now, through actions rather than words, how much he meant to him, how much he loved him.

Yes. Loved him. He wouldn’t be using the L word today but Thomas knew it wasn’t that far away. Every minute he spent with the blonde he felt them grow closer, the huge protective walls of Newt lowering down.

He had never fallen in love so easy or so quickly, but like he had told Sonya before, Newt had something special. He had certainly called all Thomas knew and understood into question. He wondered now if the notion of soulmates was possible. If it was, well then Newt certainly seemed to be his.

So he made a decision. A bold one, but again, it had worked this far. 

“Newt?” the blonde straightened up at the mention of his name.

“Yes Tommy?”

Thomas moved closer to him, inching his way on the coach. When he was so near Newt that his thigh bumped against the feet of the blonde on the couch he stopped, giving the man enough time to back out if he wasn’t comfortable. He felt the blonde shudder at the closeness, take a deep breath. But he didn’t move. 

Then he angled his head to face Newt, their lips so close that they were sharing breath. He gave his love a few minutes to adjust and when he didn’t move, but rather closed his eyes Thomas made his move.

At first the press of his lips against Newt’s was chaste. The blonde froze and didn’t move for a minute, to Thomas’ panic, but then he seemed to relax and press his lips back against Tommy’s. His lips were smooth and soft and so incredibly sensual the brunette had to stifle his whimpers with an iron will he didn’t know he had. 

They moved their lips slowly, rhythmically, but closed for what seemed like an eternity.

But then something happened Thomas could have not foreseen. Newt opened his mouth to him, and it was clear to the brunette that instinct was guiding him, pushing him, all his hormones and feelings bubbling up inside of him.

Tongues danced a slow and tentative dance, experimental, full of innocent curiosity but also love and desire. 

Thomas had to control himself for the kiss was getting so hot so quickly he could have taken the blonde right there and then. 

But someone had to keep their head cold in this situation, because he had to mind Newt’s heart too.

So with all his strength he pulled away, hearing the blonde pant but looking perfectly healthy, a red flush in his cheeks, lips raw and tender, and a sparkling, breathtaking expression of happiness on his face.

Thomas returned the smile with one of his own and said, with all the emotion he could muster, “I want you, I want you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I´m traveling this week so I´m not sure I will be able to post as often as I have been so far. I´m going to do my best. Promise.


	10. Breathe my love, breathe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisses gone wrong, sad stories and clearing of terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, the science here is a little wonky. I know someone who knows someone to whom this thing Newt has actually happened to, so I digged in as much as I could to get the facts straight. Still, I´m sure there are things I didn´t get right. Ask anything if it is not clear. 
> 
> This chapter is more exposition than I would like it to be (and therefore a little longer than normal), but the story of Newt´s health is something I have been promising you for a while, so here it is. 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy!

It was like he had been drowning and now he was taking his first gulp of real air. It was as if he had been thirsty all his life and now he was offered a jug of water. 

Newt had never felt anything as earth shattering as Thomas’ lips on his own.  

The sensation had filled his senses, reaching deep down onto his core, seeping warmth into his bones. It was not only the hormones, though fuck where they present, it was his heart, which besides obviously racing, felt renewed, felt awoke. 

He contemplated for a minute, and for the first time in three years, that he might just want to fight for his health. Maybe, just maybe, he could make a full recovery and then have a chance at a full life with Thomas. The man certainly deserved it, since he had been fighting to be with him from the moment they met, caring for him even when he had tried so hard to push him away.  

He had given up so long ago that the thought of actually cooperating along to treatment and trying to get better other than for Sonya’s sake felt completely foreign to him. But he had to try. For Tommy. 

He didn’t quite know what to do with himself after the kiss and suddenly it dawned on him (and to prove his point further) that Tommy had just told him that he wanted him, which was earth shattering on it’s own.

After being rejected all of his life, here was a little piece of heaven in the form of this man, who had only open arms and kind words for him. A man that wanted him. Him. Broken, sick, lonely him. But it was just more evidence for the fact that this time around he had to fight, he had to do all he could to assure their future and that Tommy wasn’t hurt because of him.

He felt a pang of regret, for he had done what he had sworn himself he wasn’t going to do: involve another innocent soul into his mess. A mess that said soul didn’t even know that well. He had to tell him the whole truth. He had to.

His face probably showed his emotions for Thomas lifted his chin slowly, a chin he didn’t even realize that he had lowered, with his right hand and looked into his eyes “that bad of a kisser am I huh?”

Newt lifted his eyes to Tommy’s and said with all the emotion he could muster “that was the best thing that has ever happened to me, in all of my life.” 

Thomas smiled coyly “I’m glad. You just looked so sad for a minute there I though maybe I was a shitty kisser”.

“You are wonderful Tommy, really, you are. Much more than I think I deserve, and it’s exactly because of that, we have... we have to talk” his voice was full of emotion. It was now or never he figured. He had to tell him, because he felt the man more ingrained into his soul with every moment and having him not know such an important part of him felt unbearable.  

The smile fell from Thomas’ face in a second and before Newt could do anything, the brunette was already talking, his tone alarmed and high “No Newt, don’t even start. I’m not going. I’m not leaving you! No matter what you think you deserve or not. We already talked about this, you can’t just push me out again, please let me stay by your side, I want to be with you...” but he couldn’t finish his sentence because Newt had kissed him again, if only to shut him up, to calm him down.

Thomas was startled by Newt’s actions but after around 5 seconds of hesitating he was kissing the blonde again. Only this time it wasn’t sweet and experimental, it was needy and raw and demanding. It was like Thomas was trying to consume him, afraid he might simply disappear if he let go. 

The kiss got very hot, very quickly again. Thomas’ hands were in Newt’s hair, in his neck, in his arms. It was like he wanted to touch every surface of him, to map it, to trace it. His desperation was clear in his actions. They were raw and uncontained, not the careful Tommy to which Newt was so used to. The blonde himself didn’t quite know what he was doing himself but his hands were in Tommy’s T-shirt before he could help it (again, his own on the brunette) and then underneath it and now he was touching skin and bloody hell it felt so shuckingly good all his breath left him and then...

...then his head started spinning and he had to break the kiss to get a deep breath in for he was sure he was going to pass out of he didn’t. He could feel his heart racing desperately in his chest and his vision blurred a little.  _*Bloody hell, I really need to get healthy, don’t I?*_  he thought to himself, as he tried to relax.

He had to focus to see that Thomas was leaning into him, his wrist in his hands. He was taking his pulse. In two swift movements, the brunette had him lying on the couch full on, grasping his hand on his own as he sat on the floor besides said couch, rubbing gently into his knuckles.

His voice was raspy when he spoke “Breathe my love, breathe”.

Newt noticed through all the trepidation that Thomas had just called him “my love”. Maybe in the panic of the moment he had let the endearment out. Maybe he meant it. Newt couldn’t still take it to heart. Not yet. 

Thomas continued speaking, using words he had used before “you are okay. We are okay”. He seemed to be calming himself down as much as Newt.

He suddenly stood up and spoke again, pacing the space of the living room, just as Newt had done a few days ago before he passed out “Damn it Newt. We have to keep these kisses light. We can’t go full on like that!” His tone was suddenly angry, but the blonde realized it wasn’t against him “I have to keep my head straight. I have to take care of you! I can’t just go do this, when I know your instincts will lead you to other more intense things. I am the one that needs to keep it together!”

He stopped when he registered the hurt in Newt’s eyes, who had been listening to him and now knew he was actually hurting Tommy. His sudden flash of rage had made him realize Thomas really needed someone with whom he didn’t have to measure his responses. It was miserable enough that Newt himself had had to measure his strength for most of his life to now make Thomas have to do the same. 

The brunette must have seen what was coming for in two strides he was back on Newt’s side, bringing him into his arms, sitting on the couch and putting the blonde on his lap, hugging him close. He whispered into his ear “no Newt, we are not doing this. We are not playing at this game where you push me out and I try to stay by your side, over and over and over again. Can’t you see that the reason that kiss went as it did was because I thought you were sending me away again? I...I don’t think I will be able to take it, if, if, if you sent me away...” he trailed off, his face buried in the crock of Newt´s neck.

Newt stroked Thomas’ arm with his hand gently and said in a tiny voice, barely above a whisper “I just don’t want to hurt you anymore, and I can´t stop thinking that all this is hurting you”.

Thomas´ head snapped up and he said, very serious “The only way you can hurt me now is you push me away, or don’t take care of yourself”.

Newt sighted “I was just want you to be happy Tommy”.

Thomas was calmer now, the contact with the blonde seemingly doing the trick to ease his emotions. “You know what would make me happy?”

“Yes?”

“If you would agree to be with me?”

“I am with you” answered Newt, confused.

“If you would be my boyfriend. Officially”.

“Ohhh” Newt didn´t answer at first but he knew what he was going to say. Guilt still nibbled at him and he just couldn’t give his consent to this if Thomas didn´t know the whole truth of his health. So he continued “only if you listen to me first”.

The hopeful gaze in Thomas´ eyes darkened a bit but he nodded.

Newt took a deep breath “I have been avoiding telling you this since I met you. Since you first asked me what was wrong with me I told you only part of it because it is such a complicated tale and I still thought I could somehow convince you not to get involved…” at his Thomas stiffened a bit. He obviously didn’t like it. The blonde continued “but I just can`t get this, between us, get any further without you knowing.”

Tommy nodded, urging the blonde to go on. His eyes remained dark but some hopefulness had returned to them. 

“My parents realized there was something wrong with me when I passed out on school grounds playing tag. Apparently I had a heart arrhythmia, which made my heart beat without much rhythm to it, and slow, as you have already noticed. The treatment is easy, you get a pacemaker, a small electrical device which makes your heart have proper rhythm and frequency. The implantation is easy really, a minor surgery and you are done. You have to take care, and go to doctor´s appointments regularly, but nothing mayor. I still don’t understand why my foster parent´s complained so much.”

Thomas remained silent, letting the blonde talk, now and then nuzzling his head in his shoulder. 

“But the battery does deplete, being a device and all, so it has to be replaced every few years, with other minor surgeries. The thing is that the second time I had said surgery I was in a foster home and well, I wasn´t all that cared for. And I wasn´t that careful either so… the wound got infected, and the infection went into my heart. And no one realized it did. So I lived like that for a while. Years. I had palpitations, uneven heart beats, even with the pacemaker there which obviously failed because of the infection, and got cold spells. No doctor could say what I had. I went to so many doctors and had so many tests done I can´t even remember them all now. It was hell.”

Thomas had begun to stroke Newt´s hand, which he had taken in his, but remained quiet, giving the blonde his space.

“By then I was out of the foster care system and had to fence on my own, while Sonya remained in custody. The infection eventually went to my lungs, and then, well, I met the ICU pretty closely, lets leave it at that. Only because of it did the doctors eventually figure out where did the infection came from originally. And I still had a weird arrhythmia with a faulty pacemaker at the same time all this happened. At the beginning of this year I had open hearted surgery to remove the infection, and the defective device, but by then my heart valves had been compromised so…well, right now I need another pacemaker, that is why my heartbeat is so irregular, and some work done on the structure of my heart, that is why I pass out. And then I didn´t take my bloody meds. It all means open hearted surgery again. Because it didn’t almost kill me last time…” 

Newt´s tone was bitter. Telling his own story made him realize just how incredible it all sounded, despite being real. He hadn´t thought about it with detail for a while and now he realized it was way more serious than he gave it credit for, in a regular basis. He also realized that Tommy would get most of what he said, with the undertones it had, because he was a paramedic. He obviously knew what all this would entail.

The voice of Thomas was quiet when it spoke, but sounded reassuring, to Newt´s surprise “So it´s just one more surgery, right? They can implant the pacemaker and fix your valves in the same trip to the hospital?”

Yeah, he got it alright. Newt sighted, “yes. But the mortality rate of such procedure is high. Very high. I almost died last time. If only I had taken my bloody medicines, then I would have evaded the open hearted surgery part. I would have only gotten a minor one to get the pacemaker in me, and that was that. But the last test result didn’t look too good and now you are here with me and I wish I could just go back in time and know you were coming. Then I would have done something to fight instead of giving up like I did.”

Now it was time for Newt to get angry. He released Thomas´ hand and balled his fists, doing his best to control his emotions. But he wasn’t alone anymore and it took Thomas just a second to envelop him back in his arms, and shush small noises into his ear. He calmed down automatically. 

When Thomas spoke his tone was calm, if a little shaky “giving up, after all you have been through, seems like the reasonable choice to me. I don’t think I would have been able to go through it all and still be standing in one piece like you are. Don’t blame yourself. Being this sad, this afraid, is the only plausible answer to what happened to you. I only wish I had been along sooner, to help you fight it.” 

He paused to draw in breath and then continued “But I can´t do that right so…so…let´s fight this now that I am here, together. The fight is not lost Newt. You still have one more chance. And we can make it happen. We can. I am sure of it.” He hesitated, then continued “I wont lie to you though, I am scared. Shitless. Of loosing the one precious thing I just found. The one person that matters, much more than the rest of my life ever did. But I don’t want to think what might happen and rather have hope.”

“See now why I didn’t want you involved? I knew from the first moment I saw you that your heart was big. That you didn’t deserve pain. All I have been trying to do since the beginning is spare you this fear you now have.” Newt was laying it all out now. Being as honest as he could be. If they were going to have a relationship, then he wanted to tell Tommy the truth, always. 

Thomas smiled, to Newt’s surprise, and said “This fear I now have is because I have something I never had before. Something I care for. Someone I love. This had never happened to me before Newt, I swear. I have never felt this much towards any other . Don’t ever feel sorry for giving me this tremendous gift, please. I take it over living my life without ever knowing it. I cherish the fear. Like I cherish you.”

There, that word again. Love. Newt treated it carefully but still felt it go past all his defenses and nestle into his heart, filling it with warmth, with hope.

Still, there was something else in Tommy’s words he had caught which bothered him a bit. “You didn’t feel this way towards the girl you followed here? I mean you must have liked her a lot to move across the sea for her.” He evaded the word love carefully.

Thomas sighted “the more I think about Teresa the more I think she was just a vehicle to bring me to you. Even this house, it seems, don’t take it the wrong way please, it feels like home. Like the apartment that I shared with her was just a stopping point.”

Newt blushed slightly and confessed “don’t take this the wrong way either Tommy, but the first night you stayed with me and went to get toast the only think I could think of was how much you seemed to belong here, how much it seemed natural to have you here.”

Thomas looked down and clasped Newt’s hand in his. When he looked up his eyes were tender, open, full of devotion.

“I could never take that wrongly.... Newt.... I... I don’t know if soulmates exist but if they do then you are certainly mine. I know this as I know there is air in my lungs. I knew it from the beginning. The moment you called me Tommy, something moved, shifted and I was latched to you. Like I was always meant to be with you. Would you...” he trailed off and swallowed. He looked nervous. Newt had never seen him like this, he was always so confident. But then he continued “Newt... please be my boyfriend?” 

Newt actually beamed when he answered this time, his heart full of relief and joy “Yes, Tommy, yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m still not back from my trip but I thought I would get you something to read while I´m gone. Thank you for the patience. And as always, your comments keep me writing.


	11. Despite the infamous coach.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living arrangements and love confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than normal because I am trying to make it up to you for not being here for a while. Enjoy the last of the fluff in a while my friends because what´s coming...ohh well. Trigger warning for eating disorders.

The rest of the two days went by in a flash for Thomas. 

He escaped to his house for 30 minutes while Newt napped to get some fresh underwear and a few T-shirt’s. He didn’t want to stop wearing Newt’s clothes, and was tempted for a moment to simply continue borrowing them, but in the end got his own. To be honest, he brought back a few more things than he needed, just in case. 

He didn’t know how life was going to function once Newt’s two days of bed rest were over, but every time he thought about leaving the blonde’s side and go sleep at his house, so empty, so meaningless now, a weight dropped down in the middle of his stomach. Both because he dreaded the idea of ever being far away from Newt, but also because he wanted to take as much care of him as he could, and he knew the only way to do that was to be close to him. 

After hearing all of Newt’s health story he had to admit he was worried. What Newt had been through had been hell, but what was to come wasn’t exactly going to be easy peasy either. Thomas cursed his paramedic training. He somehow wished he didn’t understand so thoroughly what were the stakes regarding his love’s condition, the possible next surgery. 

The odds were not very much in their favor and though Thomas had faith Newt was going to make a full recovery, he still felt a pang of panic every time he thought too much about the situation. He had somehow underestimated every time both Sonya and Newt told him the blonde’s health was a mess. Cause it was. It truly was. It hadn’t changed his mind of staying by Newt side though. His heart was set. His soul stolen.

And because of that he had been watching the blonde closely, doing his absolute best to make sure he ate properly, took his medicine, slept right. Newt wasn’t as easy to care for as he had thought though. He was never rude to Thomas or had silence spells like Sonya had told him but he had to be pushed to eat more than a couple spoonfuls of food at every meal.

He was so skinny Thomas could cry. He noticed it more and more, as his contact with the blonde grew. His hip bones protruded, as did a couple of his ribs. When the brunette hugged him, sometimes he felt like he was holding a bag of bones.

Thomas understood that his frame was light by design and liked it, but desperately wanted to put some meat on those bones. Natural slenderness was different from starvation and Newt’s lack of fat was achieved by lack of eating. 

Newt was also very stubborn and when Thomas had proposed to carry him upstairs to his room so they could sleep in a proper bed he had completely refused. He didn’t let Tommy help him up more than to the bathroom and once, when the brunette had come back from a trip to said place, he had found the blonde washing the dishes. It took all his patience to convince him to go back to rest.

“I don’t want to be a fucking cripple” he had said. 

Still, he did look better. He wasn’t as pale as he used to be, a tiny flush on his cheeks now at all times, and his pulse was holding steady at 55. Considering everything, those were some really great news. 

As far as their relationship went, Thomas couldn’t be happier. They were full on touching now, the blonde becoming bolder and bolder with his moves. 

The change in their relationship status had a direct impact on the way they acted towards one another, giving them way more freedom for touching, experimenting, and in general being affectionate. Thomas noticed the change almost immediately in Newt. He seemed less and less guarded, more open, more lose.

It seemed like they were glue now, almost always touching some part of the other at all times. Newt didn’t have a TV but they had taken to sitting on the couch, the blonde between the brunette’s legs, his head resting in his chest, legs tangled.

Usually Newt read his book while Thomas played some random game on his phone, caressing now and again the blonde mop of unruly hair he was so fond of. The whole domestic bliss of it all was all Thomas ever thought he would need.

Thomas understood that Newt needed as much affection as he could get and as long as the blonde allowed him to, he was there to supply it. Maybe that alone would help heal him. 

As far as sleeping went, they had been doing it tangled on each other. After the first time Newt had dozed off on Thomas’ arms, there hadn’t really been a question of how they were going to sleep. Newt just leaned into Thomas at night and went to sleep, as simple as that. It was like a silent agreement. The brunette loved having that effect on the blonde. The fact that he felt secure enough to go right to sleep when embraced by Thomas meant he trusted him, felt cared for by him. And that was all that Tommy wanted.

The brunette wished they could sleep in a bed though, instead of in the couch which housed Newt at all times. It wasn’t comfortable, it wasn’t meant for two and it wasn’t convenient at all. But Newt simply refused to go up to his bedroom and Thomas wondered if there was something else to it, apart from not wanting help up the stairs.

Still, he had to admit these past few nights with Newt on his arms he had slept better than in all of his life. Despite the infamous coach. 

Thomas had been interrupted in his happiness by two things, however. 

First by Minho’s and Brenda’s texts, which had come in a flurry ever since the brunette left his friends. They were both worried about him and while Minho showed his support at all times, Brenda kept on telling him that Newt was nothing but trouble. He had stopped answering her a while ago though, to quietly let her know he wasn’t going to take her shit. 

And second by his coworker Gally, who he had called to ask if he could cover him on Monday. The response he had gotten _“This will cost you later shuck-face, and it’s a one time event”_ had made him realize that he had to go back to work and to his life at a point, and leave this tiny bubble of contentment he had been living in for the past few days behind. And he didn’t want that, for the life of him. 

The outside world kept pushing in whether he liked it or not on Monday’s afternoon though, after Newt had been in a particularly foul mood. He had been difficult on the eating, had refused a hug from Thomas ( _“because I know I’ll do whatever you ask of me if you hug me”_  he had said) and was now sulking (because there was no other word for it) on the couch while Thomas did the washing.

He lifted his head from his hands and when Thomas turned to look at him he saw regret in his big, vulnerable eyes. And then he spoke “I’m sorry I’m being such an arse Tommy. I’m just worried... about tomorrow”.

“Tomorrow?” Thomas asked, leaving the dish he had been drying in its place in the counter. “What about tomorrow?”

Newt looked like he didn’t want to answer but finally said “you are leaving... and then, there’s the doctor....”.

“What doctor Newt?” Thomas tone was concerned now and when he tried to hold the blonde’s gaze he dropped it. He avoided the issue of him leaving carefully, just for now.

“I have to go see my main  cardiologist tomorrow. She wants to evaluate me and see when I can...” he trailed off but picked up just a moment later, his voice high, like the words he was speaking were curses “when I’ll get the next surgery”.

Thomas moved cautiously to where Newt was sitting, his head still low. He understood everything now. The blonde had been in a horrid mood because he was afraid of facing the doctors. Still, the brunette remained carefully away from him (since he didn’t want a hug right?) sitting on the edge of his side of the couch.

Newt didn’t move for a moment and then Thomas spoke, quietly “Do you want me to go with you? I understand if you would rather go alone though...” The truth was that he didn’t understand but wanted to respect the blonde’s wishes. He had intruded in his life enough already.

Newt’s gaze remained on his lap. “I think... I should go alone.” Thomas’ heart broke a little, but then the man continued “but I don’t want to go alone.”

Thomas felt a little relief at the statement and answered quickly “then I’ll go with you. It will make me feel better too Newt. To know what is going on. If it’s okay with you?”

Newt nodded, his eyes still low.

Thomas smiled shyly and poked his man’s arm with his index finger, bringing the deep brown eyes to his own. “While we are talking about important things... what are we going to do? Now... now that your bed rest is over?”

He didn’t want to say he was leaving, because it was truly the opposite of what he wanted. This past days with Newt had been a joy. Despite the dark moments they had shared Thomas had never felt more comfortable anywhere. He had never felt more love, or wanted so badly to remain close to someone in his entire life.

But it wasn’t as if he was sure asking the blonde to move in so fast was the right thing to do. And he had a life to go back to, as Gally had so kindly reminded him. So he decided to measure Newt’s response and see where that took them.

The blonde shifted closer to Thomas, but still didn’t touch him. “I don’t bloody know Tommy. I can’t just ask you to move in now can I? You have a life and things to do and my life is suspended by threads. I can’t work or study or anything really...till I get better. And believe me I have plans. And dreams. I had abandoned because I really had no hope for the future but now that you are with me.... maybe I have a chance. Maybe I can go to uni and I don’t know...be useful.”

Thomas thought Newt’s tone was as hopeful as he could remember it being and he noticed that the blonde no longer talked about himself as a burden. He was actually thinking about the future in a positive light. Surprising what a few days of well placed love can do.

“You can ask me to move in with you, though I would think of it as a little cheeky, considering you haven’t even told me you love me yet” he teased expertly, using what cards he had. The L word was still a topic untouched and he wanted to move it along. He loved Newt. He wanted to tell him so. 

Newt’s eyes went wide and he blushed a little, but then he was holding Tommy’s both hands on his own, shaking a bit. He spoke quickly, jittery “Tommy, I don’t know what I’m doing here. This is surely easier for you than it is for me since you have been with other people. But I haven’t. You are my first. My only probably...” he hesitated, like he had said a little more than he had meant to, but then continued “I don’t know how soon I can ask you to stay here with me or if you want to, or when do you tell people you love them? How fast is fast? I don’t know these things and... and then you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so bloody afraid of screwing it up and...I don’t know what to say” he stopped, took a deep breath. 

Thomas shifted closer to Newt, their thighs touching. He could feel his heart going a million miles an hour in anticipation. When he spoke his voice was very soft, very tender “just tell me the truth.  Just tell me what you feel, you won’t scare me away, I promise”.

The blonde seemed to gather his courage, pausing for a moment and then said, as if his life depended on it “if you want the truth... if you want the truth then I would tell you that I never want you to leave my side. I would ask you to move in here or take me with you, if your bloody stairs wouldn’t have almost given me a heart attack last time I tried to climb them. I would tell you that you give the sweetest kisses. That my body goes nuts at a simple touch of your skin in my fingers. I would tell you that for the first time in forever I have hope I might actually recover and be something other than a waste or a burden, and for the first time also I am willing to fight for my health. For you. Because yes Tommy, yes, I love you. I might not have known how love felt like in the past but now, today, I have the certainty, like I know gravity exists, that I love you. I know it might be too fast, I know that you don’t love someone so soon but it...It seems to me, like you said before, that all that has happened has led me to you and if that is the case, then I am happy it did. Because now I have you, because I love you...” Newt’s voice gave in, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

Thomas, however, was crying freely. He tried to control himself but he simply couldn’t. Tears streamed down his face and despite his previous reservations he did the only thing that felt right at the moment: he kissed Newt.

This time the kiss was slow and tender, and filled with emotion. Tongues danced slowly, carefully, sensually. Newt’s hands went to Thomas’s neck and the brunette’s went to the waist of the blonde. They kissed each other for a long time, pausing every now and then to draw breath, Thomas being very conscious of keeping things light to take care of his man.

When they finally separated, they both had swollen lips and bright smiles, their foreheads touching. Thomas’ voice was shaky and low when he spoke “I love you too my love. And I have been dying to tell you this because I loved you the moment our eyes meet when I burned you with my coffee, the best coffee of my life let me tell you. I love you as if I had loved you before, in a previous life, as if my whole damn life was about loving you in the first place.”

Thomas felt so bare, so vulnerable saying this, but he wanted nothing more than to let Newt hold his heart, to tell him every truth inside of him, caution be damned. Destiny be damned.

The blonde smiled a dazzling smile and kissed him lightly for what seamed like a second before saying, his eyes to his lap once again “you kept calling me “my love” and I tried so desperately not to cling to it, not to believe it. I thought the endearment was involuntary, only slipping in moments of stress”.

Thomas snorted “it is exactly on moments of stress that you let the most important truths out. It is then that you lower your walls and let what is on your heart out. When you are not being careful. I called you my love because I considered you my love from the beginning. Because I love calling you that. And yes, because I was scared but it doesn’t make it any less real. I love you. And yes, I love your nickname too but I like it more when I claim you as mine. If that’s okay with you...?

Newt grinned and teased “as long as you move in then it’s bloody perfect”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize the moving in thing might be a bit too much too fast for two regular people but I am taking Newt and Thomas as soul mates here, so it all makes sense in my head. I hope I wrote it decently enough so that it does in yours too. As always, your comments make me happy!


	12. I´m so happy my dumb brother found you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt´s bedroom, hospitals and doctors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here comes the angsty part I have been promising you in my tags. Just so you know, heart rates below 30 have a high risk probability of just stopping suddenly. They also mean that most bodily functions are in serious risk of collapsing. The ICU is the intensive care unit, by the way.

They ended up deciding that no one was going to move in with anyone just now. Thomas would go back and forth between his place and Newt’s, till he could get out of his lease and then, well then they would figure something out.  
  
It wasn’t as if Newt wanted to stay in his parent’s house either. It had too many memories. It haunted him too much.  
  
They figured once everything settled after Newt’s surgery they would move somewhere different, together, to a place they would both choose. Their home. The future, however daunting, seemed to have a light at the end of it, and they both had hope.  
  
Newt finally let Thomas go up to his bedroom and see what could be made from it, given that they needed long term sleeping arrangements.  
  
What Thomas found was a rather untidy, big room with bright blue walls, legos scattered everywhere and child made pictures hanging on the walls, presumably made by Newt as a kid, of a family of four and a dog in different iterations. He recognized Sonya with her long blonde hair, always at the left side of a woman who had a red dress in every picture. He also saw, and his heart broke a little at this, a tiny version of his boyfriend, always at the right side of a man who had his exact mop of hair. Or at least that was the way kid Newt had drawn them. In the right corner of it all was a double bed.  
  
Thomas’ heart ached at the image before him and understood immediately why Newt didn’t want to come here. It obviously hurt too much. It hurt him and he wasn’t even the one who lost his family. He figured he would have to do a lot of cleaning before they could move up here.  
  
Thomas was fucking glad he was there to take care of Newt. Everything that had happened to him wasn’t fair and it took him an extra moment of control not to curse the gods for his love’s fate. But he was here now, to right all these wrongs.  
  
————————————  
  
Newt’s medical appointment was in the morning, to Thomas’ luck, since his shift started at 4pm.  
  
The blonde was fidgety the rest of the afternoon after their love confessions, clearly doing his best to smile at Thomas every time they looked at each other, but then changing his expression to quiet anxiety.  
  
He refused to eat anything else and Thomas took to doing the only thing he thought he could do: he hugged the blonde, warmly, while he faked he read (the brunette knew he wasn’t really doing so), rubbing soothing circles in his back, in his arms, wherever he could.  
  
He told him he loved him constantly, to reassure him, but refrained from further kissing. He didn’t want to raise his man’s pulse further, since he was sure his heart was racing anyways, anxiety coursing through his veins.  
  
He even caught the blonde taking his pulse a couple of times, a nervous tick he hadn’t seen him do since he first met him.  
  
When it was time to sleep Newt leaned down onto Thomas, quietly since he had seldom said anything since early afternoon, but didn’t go to sleep.  
  
Thomas tried to stay awake for as long as he could while watching over the blonde and caressing him, but eventually he slipped into uneasy slumber.  
  
He woke up to a body trashing in his arms. Newt trembled and shook and clawed at his own arms, mumbling what sounded like “no... please.... not again” over and over.  
  
Thomas shook him lightly, then strongly, panic settling in the pit of his stomach. “Newt! Newt please wake up! Newt!”  
  
But nothing. He reached for his hands and had to use all of his strength to stop the blonde from hurting himself, holding the skinny arms with his own hands, making a quick check of his pulse. It was sky high. He had to wake the blonde, or something bad was going to happen.  
  
His paramedic impulses helped him just then, and suddenly he knew what to do. He slapped Newt straight across the face, with as little strength as he could.  
  
The blonde opened his eyes automatically, irises full blown in fear. He managed to mumble a faint “Tommy” before he passed out straight into his boyfriend’s arms.  
  
“Newt?! Newt?! Newt?!” Thomas shook him but he knew in his heart that the blonde was not going to wake up. He froze for a moment, fear gripping his heart in an icy fist, and tears started streaming down his burning hot cheeks. He didn’t move, couldn’t move, too panicked to do much, until he finally snapped awake again and made to go grab his phone, dialing for an ambulance.  
  
He stayed where he was for the eternity it took the ambulance to arrive, holding the limp body of the man he loved in his arms, rocking it back and forth gently. He whispered to him and to himself “you are okay, we are okay” all the while, taking his pulse which had gone from very high to very low in a matter of minutes.  
  
Newt’s pulse was down to 30 when his fellow paramedics finally took the man from his arms, forcing him to become aware again to give them all the specifics of what had happened. It took him a moment to realize he had called the hospital where he worked, out of instinct he supposed, and Gally was standing in front of him, asking him things.  
  
“Thomas!” he snapped as Gally shook his hand in front of him. “I need you here man, how old is he?”  
  
Thomas found it difficult to breathe but forced himself to speak “23. Heart arrhythmia, damage to the heart valves, past endocarditis, past lung infection. His pulse had been holding between 50 and 55 but it plummeted after his nightmare. He was in the hospital 2 days ago”.  
  
Gally’s face was unreadable as he wrote down the information. Finally he lifted his head “and what is he to you?”  
  
“My boyfriend. His sister is the emergency contact though. I’ll give you the number” Thomas didn’t hesitate for a moment in saying this and Gally’s mask of impassiveness melted.  
  
He put his hand on the other man’s shoulder and asked “is this why you couldn’t be at work today?”  
  
Thomas nodded, a lump forming on his throat again.  
  
Gally’s eyes went warm “You can call his sister from the ambulance. Ride in it with him. I will simply forget you are not the emergency contact for now, okay?”  
  
Thomas nodded again, tears now on the brink of spilling. He had known that Gally was a good guy inside but what he was doing now for him was huge. He didn’t even trust his voice to thank him.  
  
———————————  
  
He called Sonya from the ambulance, telling her everything that had happened. She seemed actually alarmed, which was different from the reaction he expected, seeing how she had been so cool last time Newt had been in the hospital. And then he learned the reason why: “Newt’s pulse has not been this low since he was in the ICU” she had said, promising that she was on her way now.  
  
Thomas gulped down, seeing the monitor above his unconscious, pale boyfriend beep another 30.  
  
He grabbed his cold hand in both of his and whispered, leaning into him “we have so many things to do, to feel, to experience Newt. Please, please fight for you. For me. For us. Please Newt, please”.  
  
Before he knew it, they were on the hospital. Time seemed to be passing funny for Thomas now, some going either painfully slow or incredibly fast.  
  
The moment they unloaded Newt onto the A&E he got separated from him, not even Gally being able to grant him access into the wing. He almost knocked out a few people who tried to tell him “he wasn’t the emergency contact” or “he had to wait to get information” but in the end, it had been Gally himself who had calmed the man down, promising him he would get him whatever intel he could quickly if he “promised to sit the fuck down and not hit anyone else”.  
  
Thomas had then taken a sit in the waiting room, his head in his hands, trying to stifle the sobs which escaped his mouth. He wasn’t very successful. The paramedic voice in his head kept telling him this was serious, that Newt probably needed emergency surgery, that the chance he could get through this was slim, as even the blonde himself had told him. It drove him mad, amplifying the deep fear which seemed to have a steady hold on his heart.  
  
Just as he was about to stand up and seek Gally again a warm hand landed on his arm. It was Sonya. She looked pale and disheveled, like she had just gotten out of bed, which she probably had. It was the middle of the night after all.  
  
She took a sit next to him, mirroring the actions they had both taken just a few days ago at a different hospital. Only this time she didn’t seem to be top of the situation, as she had before. She was shaking slightly, tear tracks as clear on her cheeks as they were on Thomas’. When she spoke, her voice quivered.  
  
“He is being stabilized. The cardiologist wants to talk to me but God, I’m scared Thomas. The last time it came to this my brother almost died.” She took a deep breath, cleaning a tear from her right cheek. “Can you... can you please come with me? I don’t think I can do this alone.”  
  
And there, Thomas saw the little girl with long blonde hair standing at the side of the woman with the red dress in Newt’s drawing. Sonya looked so much like a child, her face free of makeup, a hoodie on her back, the eyes of her brother, the brunette couldn’t stand it. He nodded emphatically and hugged her, trying to show her all his support without words. He knew words wouldn’t do just now.  
  
The blonde hugged him back, and said between hiccups “I’m...so... happy...my... dumb...brother...found...you.”

\--------------------------------------------

It was early morning on the next day when Sonya and Thomas entered Newt’s main cardiologist office. It had been a very long night, having little to no news of the blonde other than he was stable, and that they needed to talk to his doctor.  
  
Gally had produced no other news either, simply assuring Thomas Newt was as well as he could be for now and that no visitors where allowed. Not even Sonya.  
  
Neither of them had slept at all, taking turns pacing the almost empty waiting room, praying for morning to arrive. Thomas had ignored Minho’s and Brenda’s texts asking where the hell was he, knowing full well that if he told them the truth he would only get a handful of I-told-you-sos. And that was the last thing he needed.  
  
When Dr. Paige had finally arrived, she had taken them to a sterile looking office, white from wall to wall, glass everywhere possible, a single steel desk with a computer and three chairs on it, and asked them to take a sit.  
  
The woman in question was in her early 50s and had long blonde hair tied up in a bun, blue clear eyes and a very crisp looking white doctor’s coat on. Thomas realized he had never seen her in the hospital and wondered if this was really her office or if she was borrowing one. It dawned on him that she probably didn’t work here but since Newt had been admitted here, she was adapting to the situation. Somehow, that made her seem kind.  
  
She took a sit on the opposite side of them on the desk and greeted Sonya with a sad gaze “I can’t say I’m happy to see you again Miss Newton”. She then turned to Thomas and asked “and you are...?” Sonya answered for him, thankfully, “he is my brother’s boyfriend, Thomas”.  
  
Her eyebrows went up and then her tone lightened a bit “so you are the famous Tommy. Let me tell you, Newt wanted nothing to do with us if you weren’t there. I think he almost pulled his drip out to go look for you”.  
  
This new information hit Thomas in the face and before he could think about it he blurted “So he is awake? Why can’t we see him?”  
  
Dr. Paige’s eyes went a little sad again “he is in the ICU Thomas. I might make an exception for you to see him but it will have to be brief. His condition is delicate, to say the least. He needs emergency surgery, as you two probably have guessed already, but we need to make sure he is a little stronger before we proceed. His iron levels are too low. We all knew he had anemia but not to this extent. We should be ready to operate by tomorrow night, if all goes right”.  
  
Thomas’ paramedic self took over as his mind railed with a million questions. He turned to look at Sonya, who seemed to be folded into herself, not moving a muscle after this new information. So he started talking “is the surgery needed because of his valves or the arrhythmia? Will you fix both issues in it? How long will he stay here, if the surgery goes right? What can we do to help him?”  
  
Dr. Paige seemed a little taken aback by all of his questions but she answered quickly enough “the surgery is needed because Newt’s heart can no longer take living with both the arrhythmia and the damage to his valves. We hoped he was going to get better, since his test results from a while ago looked promising, but then he stopped taking his medicine and well...” she paused to sigh and then continued “both issues need to be fixed in the surgery if he is to make it out alive, so that’s your answer. There is no way of knowing how long he will be here. It might be two weeks, it might be two months. Depends on his body’s recovery rate and how willing he is to get better, which now I am sure will be no problem at all” she eyed Thomas carefully again, seemingly appraising him and finished, looking straight into his eyes “what you can do for him is give him a reason to fight”.  
  
She then turned to look at Sonya, who snapped out of her daze, “since he is awake, we need to get him to sign the high risk agreement for his surgery. We both know how it went last time. Should we let this guy convince him? She nodded her head towards Thomas.  
  
Sonya’s bearings seemed to have returned to her for a moment for her remark was “if you or I even try to do it, we will be stabbed with whatever sharp object my brother can get his hands on, even in the ICU”. Then her voice lowered and she continued “he needs to see Thomas now anyways”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I did the "Please Tommy Please" part in reverse because I just couldn´t resist it.


	13. I won´t.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brenda is nice, ICU time and sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t know why but I loved calling them Mr. Eddisson and Mr. Newton.

Thomas finally caved in, answering Minho when he actually called him to see why his best friend hadn’t answered his texts in days. The brunette tried to keep his cool, but Minho was the closest thing he had to family in the U.K. and he eventually ended up sobbing on the line, needing some comfort himself.  
  
It had taken the Asian about 20 minutes to arrive to the hospital, Brenda inevitably in tow. At first Thomas had refused to talk with woman because he knew what she had to say, but surprisingly, instead of trying to lecture the brunette, she had moved whatever influences she had in the hospital to get him some information.  
  
What she had told Thomas had almost been too much for him.  
  
Newt was very weak. His heartbeat had only gone up to 35, despite the doctor’s efforts.  The moment he woke up he had indeed tried, and failed, to pull his drip out and go look for the brunette, only to find out he had too many contraptions fastened to his body to properly stand up. It wasn’t as if he had the strength either. Still, he refused to sleep, despite needing it desperately, or cooperate in any way, until he saw Thomas.  
  
“The doctors are not sure it is a good idea for you to see him” said Brenda, her tone matter of fact, “You might excite him too much or he might get too upset, you know? But Paige shut them all up saying they would never get consent for the surgery if you didn’t intervine. So, they are letting you through. 1:00pm. Be ready. It’s not a pretty sight.” And with that she stood up from the place where she was sitting next to him and patted his back briefly “I’ll go get you coffee”.  
  
———————  
  
It wasn’t a pretty sight indeed. Newt was laying in a hospital bed that looked far too big for him, curled on his side. There was a drip on his arm, obviously, but he had a line on his neck too, which Thomas knew went directly into his heart. It was that bad huh? He cringed at the though of how much it must have hurt the blonde when that thing was installed.  
  
Besides those two things, there was a vitals monitor on Newt’s finger, a blood pressure cuff on his arm, and a supplementary oxygen mask which covered most of his face. All around him there were monitors beeping, reporting on various medical measurements. His heartbeat counted to 35, still. Everything looked... scary, to say the least.  
  
Newt himself was pale as sheet, his usually unruly blonde mop of hair plastered down onto his head and his forehead. His chest raised and fell shallowly with each brief inhale and exhale. His lips, which Thomas knew first hand has been rosy and soft just a few hours ago, were chapped and white. He looked so vulnerable and sick...the brunette’s heart ached in places he didn’t know he had.  
  
It took him a couple of minutes to recover from the shock of the scene and gain his bearings again. His legs trembled badly and it hit him for the first time that he had only slept for a couple of hours. He was sure that insomnia was going to be his default state for a while. At least while Newt remained like this.  
  
He walked to the blonde’s side slowly, not trusting his legs. When he finally turned to see Newt’s face the eyes that greeted him were tired and scared. So different from the ones he had seen not so long ago, when they had kissed for the first time.  
  
The voice of the blonde was raspy and muffled by the artificial air being pumped into his lungs but clear enough for Thomas to hear “you are... here”.  
  
It was clear it was taking him a lot of effort just to pull those sentences together. Thomas automatically made a grab of his cold hand and enclosed it into his, caressing it lightly “I am” he said, when he felt he could trust his voice. He was on the brink of tears and was sure he was going to spill a couple before he left the damn ICU.  
  
“I kept asking for you...” Newt’s voice was a little stronger now.  
  
“I know. They wouldn’t let me see you my love, I’m sorry. I hit a couple of people outside to see if they would let me in but it didn’t work. I’m sorry it took me so long...” A tear now made its way down Thomas’ cheek but he made a quick motion with his free hand to clean it up. He hoped Newt hadn’t noticed.  
  
“I’m so scared Tommy... everything hurts so much... I don’t... I don’t want to die” Newt’s own tears started rolling down his face and into the oxygen mask. Thomas cleaned them with his gloved fingers as best he could and gave his boyfriend a kiss in the forehead.  
  
His voice was completely broken when he said “you are not going to die my love. The doctors are doing the best they can to make you better and you are going to hold on. You will see.” he paused a minute to pull back his tears yet again, but Newt spoke before he could.  
  
“I told you I was going to give you nothing but trouble”.  
  
The sentence broke Thomas’ resolve and he cried openly, unable to hold back anymore. He leaned down onto Newt’s stomach, careful not to hurt him in anyway, and soiled his bedsheets with his tears, filling the air with his sobs. The blonde stroke his hair silently, weakly, clearly crying himself.  
  
It took Thomas longer than he would have wanted to compose himself and when he raised his head to gaze into Newt’s watery eyes he only saw love in them. Which broke him even more. When he spoke he knew he was blabbering, probably not making much sense, but he didn’t care “I’m sorry. I know I am supposed to be the one comforting you but... but...I just can’t loose you now. I just got you Newt. I just got a slight sense of what it is to live with you and love you and I just can’t let that go. It means too much for me. I need you Newt, please don’t leave me, please don’t.”  
  
The blonde looked taken aback but nodded and spoke quietly “I won’t, I won’t”.  
  
Thomas straightened up and said, a little calmer now “This is just all so wrong, and we both know it will get uglier still. There is no point in denying it. But we are together and, and, we can’t loose hope” he realized he was saying this more for himself than for Newt’s sake, since he had lost his shit just five seconds ago.  
  
Still he carried on, speaking whatever words come to his mind from his heart to let the blonde know he was loved and give him a reason to fight. Dr. Paige was effective, he realized. Her words had stuck with him.  
  
“Every time you feel it gets too hard, every time you see another doctor or they draw yet more blood from you, or you are scared or want to give up, remember that I love you. Remember that this idiot is in love with the fact that you leave unfinished teacups all over your house or that you are reading basically an encyclopedia on plants, or that your accent is very heavy even when you are on the ICU...” the brunette couldn’t finish what he was going to say, because a nurse entered the room just then, holding the papers that Newt had to sign.  
  
She looked honestly regretful to have interrupted them but still said “Mr. Eddisson, here are the permits Mr. Newton has to sign”.  
  
Thomas cleaned his face and managed a “right”, before reaching out for said papers and taking them from the nurse. She smiled with empathy and said before leaving “5 minutes”.  
  
Newt gazed at the papers in Thomas hand with a knowing look and then said “So they sent you to convince me to sign... those things”.  
  
Thomas nodded. “They told me you gave them a hard time on the last surgery?”  
  
“You weren’t there...” the blonde croaked out, “I will sign whatever they need me to... I just want to get better.... for you”.  
  
Thomas felt a semblance of something close to relief. He had expected the blonde to put a fight, if what Sonya and Dr. Paige had told him was right. But he wasn’t here last time and it filled him with some sort of pride to know that he could get past Newt’s defenses like this. Only him could do that. Only him had ever manage to get this close to the blonde. It was a privilege, really, a gift.  
  
Thomas hold the papers steady and arranged them so that Newt could sign where needed, using a nearby tray as a base. His hands trembled badly and he had trouble with the pen, but the brunette helped him where he could.  
  
Finally, the papers were signed. And it was just then that it dawned on Thomas just how fucking much was at stake. That Newt might not get out of his, that he might not see his boyfriend again, that he might just get out of this thing with a hole so big on his chest that he might not be able to go on afterwards.  
  
A sense of desperation took over him and before he could think it he was removing the oxygen mask from his boyfriend and kissing him.  
  
The kiss was very brief and short. A sweet, tiny peck on the lips. The brunette didn’t want to upset the blonde’s heart or his monitors, but he just had to do this, in case of....he couldn’t bring himself to think about it.  
  
After the kiss he gathered as much of the man as he could in his arms and hold him to his chest, careful not to pull too much on the cables all around him. Newt’s response was automatic, his skinny arms reaching to touch Thomas’ skin where he could, which was not much to be honest, his body soft against the brunette’s, clearly weak but also clearly aching for more contact.  
  
A knock on the door and a throat clearing pulled them out of their daze. The nurse that had brought in the papers was standing in the doorway.  
  
“I’m sorry to interrupt you but, Mr. Eddisson, it’s time for you to leave” she hesitated for a moment, looking genuinely sorry for bringing this news, but then finished “I’ll give you a minute more. I’ll wait for you outside” and with that, she went to step out of the room.  
  
Newt’s face was panicked as Thomas arranged the oxygen mask back on his face. “Don’t go please... don’t”.  
  
Thomas was as scared as Newt looked but he had to keep a straight face, at least this time around, to encourage his boyfriend. To give him strength. So he pulled the bravest face he could muster and caressed Newt’s left cheek (or what was left exposed by the mask) and said “I have to. I don’t want to, but I have to. Don’t worry though, I will come here as much as I can. Even if I have to punch a couple more people on the face, okay?”  
  
Newt nodded, still looking scared.   
  
Thomas continued “And I need you to sleep. Okay? I need you to please cooperate with the doctors. I need you to fight for your health. Please”.  
  
“But... but...what if I...what if I don’t wake up?” The blonde mumbled.  
  
So that was why the blonde had refused to go to sleep unless he saw Thomas first after he woke up. To make sure he would see him one last time in case... the brunette gulped down his fear and his tone remained steady, thank God “You will wake up. You need to sleep to get better and not resting is only hurting you. If you want to get better, if you want to pick a house with me to go live after this whole ordeal is over, if you want to kiss me without having to measure your strength. Sleep. And trust me. You will be okay. We will be okay.”  
  
Newt nodded again, still looking apprehensive, but mumbled “okay”.  
  
Thomas went as near as he could to the blonde one last time to grab his hand in his own and kiss his knuckles.  
  
Both their eyes filled with tears, but before they could spill he turned around, making a move to leave but not untangling their hands. He was going to wait until the very last minute to do that. Before he could go, however, Newt pulled lightly on him and said  “I... love... you...Tommy. Remember that too. No matter what happens.”  
  
—————————————  
  
Thomas had to be hold up by the sweet nurse that had just separated him from his love. He was sobbing so badly he was sure he was going to fall down unto the ground the moment the woman stopped supporting him. He had no idea how but he was eventually maneuvered back to the waiting room by her, where Minho was at his side in a flash of a second, his arm around his shoulders.  
  
Sonya ran to him, an alarmed look on her face. Thomas hold a hand up to her and croaked “he is fine, just give me a minute.”  
  
Brenda appeared out of nowhere too, handing him a cup of tea.  
  
He could hear the nurse tell Sonya that her brother had signed the papers without a problem, and that his last blood results had come out better. The paper work was being finished and the surgery was programmed for tomorrow night, as Dr. Paige had told them.  
  
Minho sat him in a chair nearby and practically shoved the tea down his throat, not removing his arm from his shoulders.  
  
Sonya thanked the nurse, who gave one last sympathetic look at Thomas before leaving, and then went to stand by the brunette. Brenda was beside her. They all waited patiently while the man regained his bearings, cleaned his face and finally spoke “he is very weak, but a little better than I expected him to be. Mostly he is scared, but who wouldn’t, in his position?” His wet eyes found Sonya’s “but your brother is strong and he is going to make it through”.  
  
Sonya plummeted in the seat next to his and sighted, a few tears spilling down her cheeks “again. He will make it through again. This is too much like last time, it’s all just so bloody awful...”  
  
Brenda, despite knowing the blonde girl for just a few hours, hugged her warmly, and Sonya just let herself be comforted.  
  
Thomas felt tremendously thankful for his friends just then, and for Sonya herself, since he was sure he wouldn’t be able to do this without them. Maybe they had been a little judgmental in the beginning but they were always there for him when he needed them.  
  
This could be his little British family now, he realized, if they made it through this. Minho and Brenda and Sonya (for whom he had developed a strong affection for, despite the short time they had known each other. He wondered if all members of the Newton family could have had this effect on him, if he had met them at all) and... Newt.  
  
Before he could register something else he was crying again, but he felt a little better this time around, knowing he was surrounded by friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surgery is next, promise.


	14. Please don´t go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surgery. Before, during and after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably my longest chapter yet. I just wanted to get through this all, since it is not easy to write. Just a few things. 
> 
> I wanted to make Harriet Sonya´s girlfriend but realized way too late that I had already called him boyfriend in the first chapter, so Aris will have to do.
> 
> Cardio thoracic surgeons are the ones that perform open hearted surgeries, so it was a good queue to let Janson in, as the asshole he is. Dr. Paige is an electrophysiologist, who are the cardiologist that study the way the heart beats,and never operate. So she is just there to advice the surgeon. 
> 
> On that note, the heart has four valves but only two can get damaged by an infection and be replaced with prothesis, which are the mitral and the tricuspid valve. Those are the ones that our blonde needs help with.
> 
> I know Newt´s description in the ICU might seem like a little much, but I did my research my friends and it is accurate to what I found. Apparently after open hearted surgery you do need 15 machines and 6 substances to keep you going, since your heart is too busy healing itself and needs all the help it can get to keep the rest of your bodily functions going, which is were the medical contraptions and chemicals get in. Don´t ever get this type of surgery folks. It looks awful.
> 
> Finally, the title and a lot of inspiration for this chapter was taken from the song "Please don´t go" by Stephanie Rainey. If you want to sob like me when I wrote this chapter, listen to it while reading.

Thomas wasn´t able to see Newt before the surgery. He and Sonya had pleaded, cried, talked to Dr. Paige, but achieved nothing. The brunette had tried to move whatever strings he could with the people he knew from the hospital and nothing. Even Brenda and Gally had tried to help him. But nothing.

He even attempted to find the nurse that had helped them on the ICU, whom he realized didn’t know from his time in the hospital, but found her nowhere to be seen. 

All of Newt’s treating physicians said that the blonde’s condition was holding upon the edge of a knife and if they did anything to upset it, they might not be able to operate. Even if that thing was something the blonde expressively had asked for.

And Thomas felt horrible, horrible for he had promised his boyfriend that he was going to punch a couple of people if he had to to get to see him but he felt so worried, so tired, so fearful, he felt the fight had left him. He also knew the doctors were right. The risk of heart failure was too big at this point to be foolish, even in the slightest bit. 

He realized that if something happened to Newt, however, he was going to have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life. If he actually had a life to go back to. 

Minho told him that he had done everything he could, but still he couldn’t shake the feeling.

It didn’t help that since he last saw the blonde he hadn’t slept for more than 30 minutes. Minho and Brenda took turns watching over him, he realized, coming and going to and from the hospital, making sure he ate something and at least tried to rest. 

He hadn’t left the place since he had brought Newt in, his shifts now being covered by his coworkers. Gally had told everything that happened to their boss, Alby, and he had been more than understanding, telling him to take as much time as he needed. Thomas had almost kissed Gally then, thanking him and hugging him with enough emotion to make the taller man feel awkward. He had saved his sanity more times than he could count in the past days, the brunette realized. Gally had just patted his back and given him a quick “it’s okay you shank” in return.

Sonya had escaped just once to settle her affairs at school, returning after just a couple of hours with a big bag which she said “contained enough to keep them alive while they waited”. Thomas found out soon after, that said bag had several jars of Nutella in it.

Finally, the fated night arrived and Thomas felt he was going to go crazy, if he wasn’t mad already. Dr. Paige introduced them to the cardio thoracic surgeon that was to operate on Newt (since she was an electro physiologist and they don’t operate) and the brunette was less than pleased to see that he was one of the doctors with whom he had worked before. Thomas didn’t like Dr. Janson because he always treated patients like they were numbers on a spreadsheet and seemed to love delivering bad news. His heart sank a bit further than it already was, if that was even possible. 

After the brief introduction, Dr. Janson proceeded to tell them that this was an incredibly difficult surgery and that he had never faced such a challenge in his career. Then he said the procedure would take up to 6 hours, in the worst-case scenario, and that he would be out once done to tell them what had happened. And then, he was gone, taking Dr. Paige with him, who smiled sympathetically to both Thomas and Sonya, but not before telling them that Newt had been as all right as he could be up till being taken to the OR.

Thomas and Sonya had stared then at the doors through which both doctors disappeared and didn’t move until Brenda came for them a good half an hour later and took them both to the cafeteria for tea.

Thomas was too high strung to weep anymore. His body felt tight, like it was about to spring into a run at an moment, his tear ducks empty, his heart hammering at his chest. He figured he would have a heart attack at any minute if he kept on like this. Minho had joined them, as had Sonya’s boyfriend, Aris, a tall lanky kid who said very little and only hugged the blonde girl to him tightly.

The hours went by slowly, painfully. Brenda didn’t allow Thomas to have coffee because she said it would snap his nerves in two and all it did was give the brunette a reason to yell at her and storm out of the place to see if outside his lungs could finally register something like the air he had been missing since his blonde had entered surgery. It had been Minho who eventually got out to get him to then have his shirt stained with his friend’s tears, hugging the man tightly as he sobbed miserably.  _No tears left huh?_ He thought to himself. 

———————————

It had been 5 hours since Newt had gotten into surgery and despite being camped right outside the OR doors they hadn’t received any news. Thomas paced the small corridor space in which they were for what felt like the hundredth time and looked at his watch. Janson had said that worse case scenario it would be 6 hours. Did the fact that the operation was taking this long supposed to mean that it had indeed turned itself into the worst case scenario? 

Just as he was about to take yet another peek into the round window on top of one of the doors which led to the OR, Dr. Janson came out, looking like he had just butchered a deer. All his operating scrubs were tinted red in which was, it took just a second for Thomas to realize, his boyfriend’s blood. Suddenly, he didn’t want to know what had happened anymore. His spit dried up on his mouth and he stumbled back, only to have his hand grabbed by Sonya and squeezed tightly, to the point of bruising. She pulled him to where Janson had stopped, and demanded answers.

The surgeon looked tired and distraught. He took a moment before speaking and Thomas was sure if he didn’t say anything quickly he was going to pass out from the fear cursing through his veins. Finally the doctor spoke “Isaac is in a very bad state. It was a complicated surgery, he lost a lot of blood. I didn’t get the chance to do everything we set out to do in the beginning because he was dying on us. We could only place the pacemaker and the mitral valve prothesis in place and the tricuspid valve... well, it will have to wait. We might be looking at another surgery, possibly in a few hours, maybe a day or two. If he is strong enough to survive the aftermath of the surgery, that is. There are no guarantees he will make through the rest of the night”. He took a deep breath and continued, “he was sent directly to the ICU, and is in no state to he seen. That is all I can tell you” and then he turned around and went back through the OR doors, leaving Thomas and Sonya livid.

The brunette was sure he had forgotten how to speak English for he hadn’t registered two things of what Janson had just said. In the back of his mind a voice was screaming at him to do something, to do whatever it took to get this ache out from his heart, which was breaking into pieces over and over again but he found that he couldn’t even move. He didn’t have it in him. He barely realized that Sonya was taken by Aris and was crying silently in his arms, or that Brenda and Minho were both hugging him, telling him that Newt was strong and he was fighting to get better, for him.

Suddenly, he felt vile accumulate in his mouth and before he could do as much as take a step he was throwing up his tea, the only food still left in his stomach.

The last thing he remembered were the faces of his friends, worried.

————————

The next time Thomas opened his eyes it was to Sonya gently shacking him. Her face was a little blotched and she looked honestly sorry to wake him up but it was for a good reason, the brunette would find out soon. 

“They are letting us see him” was all that she had to say to have the man completely awake and up on shaky legs. He realized he had been sleeping? Passed out? On a coach of a room that he knew from working at the hospital was meant for long-term patients. His face must have given voice to his confusion for Sonya answered his silent question “they put us here after you passed out because Newt is staying here for God knows how long anyways and this will be his room.” 

All of yesterday’s happenings came rushing back to Thomas’ mind and he had to take a sit to process everything. Sonya eyed him apprehensively, probably a little worried he was going to faint again. Finally, Thomas seemed to find his footing and spoke, though every syllable sent pains into his heart. “So he made it through the night?”

Sonya nodded “yes. Still tubed, still in danger, but made it through the night yes. No more surgeries in the horizon, just yet”.

Thomas sighted in relief and then felt awful at the fact that Sonya had to go through the night alone. He stared apologizing but the blonde girl cut him short before he could even get two words out of his mouth. “Don’t. Don’t apologize. I understand how difficult all this is. You are new to it and it is a lot to process. And you love my brother; of course the thought of loosing him would devastate you. It’s normal. And no, I wasn’t alone. Your friends and Aris just left. But come, they are just giving us 5 minutes each and I don’t plan on wasting them”.

She stretched her hand to him and Thomas took it, grateful for both, the comfort it gave him and the stability that provided for him to stand up. He realized just then that Sonya was being the strong of them both here and he was acting hysterical. But he was hysterical; for it was his heart they had operated on. His heart that was battling between life and death. His heart... his heart was Newt.

Once standing up Thomas hugged Sonya tightly to his chest and told her “thank you Sonya. For letting me be here. For accepting me so quickly. For being strong when I can´t be. For it all.”

She hugged him back, tightly too, but then whispered “Don’t be so sappy, Thomas. This is not the first time my brother is almost dying. I am not strong, just used to this. As for you, I am glad you are here. I am not alone, for the first time. You know how much of a difference does it make? Even if you pass out like a damsel in distress. Now come on. We have to go”.

—————————

Thomas was terrified of entering the ICU.

He was sure he had never been more afraid of anything in his life. His heart was already broken into pieces, his soul tattered, by the simple fact that the person he loved was so hurt, so in danger. He couldn´t picture it could get any worse.

But he was wrong.

There was a pressure on his chest now at all times, which had taken a hold on him after Janson had finished speaking. His breath always seemed to be alluding him and his hands just ached, ached from having had the blonde in them just a few hours ago and now having to watch from the sidelines as other hands moved him, proved him and abused him, without him having any power over it. Without being able to protect him, to help me him, to do anything.

He watched from outside of the tiny ICU room where Newt was currently being held, as his nurses moved him back to the empty bed in the middle of it. He had just come back from a tomography, he had learned, and now they were preparing him so that Thomas could see him. The man was unconscious, of course, blacked out by the amount of medicine in his system to keep his body running, as well as from battling to remain alive.

Thomas couldn´t stomach it though, the way the nurses moved his blonde, with so little care, with so little love. He knew, in his mind, that they were doing their job and there was nothing tough about the way they were treating Newt, but still, the brunette wished with all his heart he would be the one doing it all. No. What he wished with all of his heart, and all of his might, was that he could trade places with him. So the blonde could stop suffering. He saw no other way to protect him completely, to make sure nothing else happened to him.

After the nurses where done, and he had put on scrubs and all the gear needed to enter a high-risk ICU room, he was stopped by a hand on his arm. He looked up to see the nice nurse that had helped him when he first saw Newt, in a room just a few meters from this. She looked at him with a sad smile on her features and said, “I´ll be waiting for you outside when you are done. In case you need anything”. Thomas didn´t understand her gesture but nodded and thanked her anyways.

And then he entered the room.

It was even scarier than the last one. He counted at least 15 machines connected to some part of his love, each beeping different things that Thomas knew but blocked out of his mind now because it was all just too much. There were 6 different substances being pumped into Newt´s bloodstream by the central line on his neck and the drip on his right arm. If that wasn´t enough, the blonde had a feeding tube and a respiratory tube down his throat.

As he approached Newt´s bedside he realized that his chest was bare. And there, in the middle of it, ran a thick, angry red line, from his collarbone all the way to his last rib. It was stitched together with staples and surgical threat. He was so pale that he was almost transparent, his veins sticking out from underneath his skin. And he had lost at least 5 kilograms since he had last since him, so he looked impossibly tiny and vulnerable and…well, on the edge of dying.

At first, Thomas´ mind didn´t want to process the scene in front of him. He simply refused. It was too much for one lonely soul to bear. But eventually his heart and his mind caught up with everything and the impact of it all hit him so hard we was sure he was going to pass out again. But he realized he couldn´t. He had to be the strong one here. Maybe Newt couldn’t hear him or see him, but he was going to be here for him, not matter what it took from him.

So Thomas grabbed his left hand, which was free from machines, and kissed it. It was cold and unmoving. His eyes stung from having cried so much lately but it didn´t matter, because he was crying again. With the hand that didn´t have Newt´s on it he moved a strand of blonde hair away from his love´s forehead and kissed it. It was clammy. What hit him the most of all of this horrific picture was not being able to see the open and big dark brown eyes that had first drawn him so much to this man. The sincere, vulnerable orbs that changed color with however they were feeling, that showed clearly the emotions of the man he had come to love so much so quickly.

He caressed Newt´s eyebrows and his eyelashes, noticing just how long and thick they were. He tried to learn their texture by heart, to etch every single detail of Newt´s face into his memory. His hand came to wander next to the skin on the blonde´s arm and there too, he savored it´s feel underneath his fingers. He figured, that some hope inside him had died when he had seen the man he loved just now and he was just trying to hold on to as much of his love as he could.

Because well, nothing, nothing, had ever broken Thomas more completely than this.

All through this ministrations Newt didn’t move a muscle. Thomas knew he couldn’t, that all the chemicals in his blood were keeping him down under, but it made it all seem too real. Like he was never going to wake up, like all was lost. His guilt at not fulfilling his last promise to his love filled him suddenly, rushing through him, like a hurricane that threatened to bring him down. He swallowed, tried to breathe, couldn´t and then turned away to grab the wall and get his bearings.

Finally, realizing his time was probably up and he had to leave, he leaned into Newt and whispered into his hear, so that the message could reach his brain, his heart, and his soul: “Please don´t go. You have sipped into my very soul. You have become my heart. If you are not here, I don´t have a heart my love. I love you. Please don´t go. Please don’t leave me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The storm always gets worse before the sun comes out.


	15. The cure.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind nurses, Dr. Paige calls Janson an idiot, Newt wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I´m sorry it took me this long to get a new chapter up but I swear I broke after writing "Please don´t go". I just couldn´t write for a few days. But well, now I´m back. 
> 
> Medical notes for the chapter (I´m going to end up a nurse after writing this fic): Healthy adults need to have at least a 95% level of oxygenation for it to be healthy. In extreme situations, like the one Newt is in, anything above a 90% will do for a while. Any number below that means you are not getting the oxygen your body needs to function.
> 
> This chapter is happier. Fluff is on the horizon.

When Thomas left Newt’s room the nurse was there to hold him as he sobbed once again on her shoulder. He was grateful for her presence and wondered mindlessly if he had indeed met her before, around in the hospital, and he just couldn’t remember now.  
  
She patted his back gently and let him sit in the nurse’s station for a minute, so he could calm down a little bit.  
  
After a moment of silence in which Thomas took deep breaths of air that didn’t seem to reach his lungs she spoke, her voice quiet.  
  
“You love him very much don’t you?”  
  
Thomas nodded. He was sure he couldn’t speak just now.  
  
“I’ve seen you around here with patients. You are kind.”  
  
The brunette stayed quiet. Of course he knew her. He remembered her vaguely from a couple of times he had ended up in the ICU with a dying patient. She was the kind one, Thomas thought, recalling how sweetly she had treated patient’s loved ones before. How she was treating him just now.  
  
She spoke even lower then, her voice barely above a whisper “I’ll tell you what, as long as Isaac is here, you can come to me when you want to see him. I’m not always here, of course, but when I am, I’ll help you in any way I can”.  
  
Thomas voice was quiet too, only getting over the strain it had endured just 5 minutes ago with his crying. “His name is Newt. He’ll kill you if you call him Isaac. When...when he wakes up...” he swallowed a big lump in his throat and finished “thank you”.  
  
—————————  
  
Three days went by and nothing seemed to be going forwards or backwards. Jansen had not shown his ugly face again and Dr. Paige only told Thomas and Sonya that Newt was under close observation but nothing could be said just then. For good or bad.  
  
At least there hadn’t been more surgeries or scares. This state of suspended tension had Thomas strained. He didn’t know what to feel, if he even wanted to feel. His emotions were exhausted, just as his body was. He was mostly numb, he realized, and kept eating and trying to sleep, and not achieving it, because Minho, Brenda and now Sonya were constantly at his back.  
  
The only moments of respite for the brunette where when, with the help of Mary (that was the name of the nurse that had helped them before, Thomas had learned, upon embarrassingly admitting to her that he didn’t remember her name), he slipped into Newt’s room in the ICU unseen and held his blonde’s cold hand.  
  
The man looked a little better each day, he had to admit. His skin seemed more and more solid, his color still pale but a little more like flesh and a little less like paper. The scar was still angry red but the staples where gone, the surgical thread removed. He didn´t look in the verge of dying anymore. Just very sick.  
  
The setting of the room where he was being held though still scared the shit out of Thomas. He tried to fight the fear that it made him feel by focusing all of his attention solely on Newt when he was in there. He whispered sweet promises into his ears, caressing him where possible, telling him that he loved him and was waiting for him to wake up. All fundamental truths of his life.  
  
Finally, on the fourth day, Dr. Paige invited them to her office (or was it her office again?). She looked pleased, almost happy and for a moment Thomas didn´t understand the feelings that registered in her face. Were they related to Newt? When she spoke though, all was clear “as you can see by now, Newt hasn´t had another surgery. And that is, because believe it or not, his valve is getting better, on it´s own. He is showing not only incredible resilience, but also progress, like we had never seen. His heart is adjusting and working around what was done it, so he is getting better every day. He might as well make a full recovery without another surgery. It seems Newt´s heart can heal itself, if it is not fighting three things at the same time. Now, please take this information conservatively, I am not saying that he is out of the woods just yet. Only that he is better.”  
  
Since Thomas couldn´t speak Sonya took to voicing the question both of them had in their mind “But what about what Dr. Janson said?”  
  
Dr. Paige looked smug for a moment before saying “He is just an idiot”.  
  
Thomas didn´t know if he felt happiness or relief, or if the slight hope that had died in him when he had seen Newt in the ICU the second time had just been reawaken and ignited to its fullest potential, but he felt like bursting at the seems. He realized he could breathe a little better, and that the pressure in his chest seemed a little lighter. He also wanted to hit Janson square in the face, but he figured that would have to wait.  
  
“Now” Dr. Paige continued, “it all depends on three things. How Newt reacts when we wake him, how the rest of his bodily functions adjust and how well the wound heals”, she turned to look at Thomas now, straight at his eyes “Since you weren´t here last time, I´m guessing you are really the cure he needed. And only because of that am I allowing you to be there after we wake him up, tomorrow morning. No funny business though. A nurse told me last time you kissed him while at the ICU. I’m sure Mr. Eddisson, as a paramedic yourself, you know this to be unwise”.  
  
Sonya laughed in surprise and Thomas went a heady shade of red. He nodded, while the blonde girl clapped him on the back, a wide grin of relief on her face “if mom were here, she would kill you”.  
  
—————————  
  
The wait to see Newt wake up was just slightly easier than waiting for the surgery to finish had been. Dr. Paige’s words rang in Thomas´ head, for he knew far too well that upon waking everything the blonde had gained so far could go down the drain. He had seen it before, with other patients, that when faced with what had happened to them went into anxiety or depression, and lost their will to fight, making every effort to make them better much more complicated and difficult. He supposed that was also the reason behind the cardiologist letting him see Newt straight after he woke up. His state of mind and his cooperation where just as paramount to his recovery at this stage as the medical care they gave him and she knew it. She was a practical woman after all.  
  
If Newt didn´t want to get better, both in his actions and in his mind, the fight was going to be ten times more difficult than it had to be. Thomas had heard the blonde say several times that he wanted to get better for him, and he believed him, he did, but he was still afraid the past 13 years were too heavy an influence on him. You just couldn´t shake so many years of abuse, from other people and from himself, in a few weeks could you? What about the depression and anxiety that had clearly plagued him before this ordeal started in full force? The brunette prayed to whatever deity was up there that you could. He prayed that his love for the blonde would be big enough, strong enough, to help him through this, to prove to him he was worth it, that he could heal. He planned to be there every step of the way anyways, through his recovery, making sure he took care of himself and knew he was loved. Because if this experience had taught Thomas anything, was just how much he absolutely loved Newt. Maybe what Dr. Paige had said had been true. Maybe he was the cure the blonde really needed. He was sure as hell going to try to be it though, if anything.  
  
So, knowing this, and after Sonya had promised him about 20 times that she would call if anything happened, and being reassured by Brenda that the probability of something going wrong in the few hours he was going to be away were close to zero, Thomas had gone to his house to try to sleep and change and have a shower. To look his best, you know? For his love. After so many days in the hospital he knew he stank, could rival a panda when it came to under eye bags and was sure he was going to simply throw away the clothes on his back. He didn’t want to own them anymore. They smelled too much like Newt dying.  
  
After about 50 minutes of trying to sleep on the empty apartment that had once been at the center of his life and that now seemed alien to him, he had realized that he couldn´t sleep now without Newt being curled up on his chest. Because what he had been doing on the hospital, well, that wasn´t really sleeping. He actually felt the physical loss of not having the blonde there, with his head nuzzled on his neck, his chest heaving up and down. They hadn´t sleep like that many days together but the rate at which his body seemed to had grown used to it surprised him. He tossed and turned, but just couldn´t sleep. The bed felt weird and… empty. It dawned on him that he was sleeping better on coaches now, if at all possible.  
  
Finally he had gone up and started to pack his things. He wasn´t going to be staying here while Newt was on the hospital anyways, or once he got out of it… probably never again. That knowledge was one of the best feelings he had ever had, he grasped at that moment, and not only because it meant he had a home now with the blonde, a true home and not just a shared life, like with Teresa, but because it meant his love was going to be there with him, and that was everything he now knew he needed. Well, if everything went according to plan.  
  
He didn´t let the fear that Newt was going to wake up in a bad mental state dampen his spirits, though. He was going to see him awake, and from there, he would make things happen. Whatever needed to happen. Somehow. With a last look at his empty house, which now looked as barren as it felt to him, he left for the hospital, a bag in hand, a smile on his face.  
  
—————————  
  
Thomas put on the scrubs and mask he needed to enter the ICU to see Newt with shacking fingers. He hadn´t slept much after returning to the hospital and everything that was fueling him was excitement and coffee. He was nervous. He was scared. He was happy and he was hopeful. He was guilty. He was about to explode from all the feelings he felt. Dr. Paige seemed to notice for she smiled widely at him and said, “don’t be nervous. If what I last saw of him conscious is any indication, you are all he wants to see. Relax. He´ll be okay” and with that she went into the room, ordering the nurses around to program the machines needed so that they could take off Newt´s respiratory tube. The feeding one had been removed, the brunette noticed, sometime during the night.  
  
When that horrid, horrid process was done, and everything pointed to the blonde being able to breath for himself, the oxygenation monitor beeping a happy 91%, it was finally time to wake him. The nurses programmed a couple more machines and then exited the room, only to stand outside of it, as the brunette came in. Mary was with them, Thomas saw with relief. He knew he could count on her if what happened now wasn´t…wasn´t that good. His heart pounded in his chest, his ears buzzing with the sound of his blood going crazy in his veins.  
  
Suddenly, quite out of the blue really, Newt´s forefinger finger, which Thomas had now memorized on his skin, twitched. Then the one on his other hand. And suddenly his legs were stretching slightly and then… then Newt opened his eyes.  
  
His eyes were just as Thomas remembered them. Big and deep and vulnerable and so brown. A rich color of brown he didn´t remember seeing anywhere else. It wasn´t honey, but it wasn´t chestnut either. It was its own color, and it changed, just as the brunette had recalled, every day since he hadn´t seen them. Immediately, all his worries where taken away. And he felt peace. For the first time since coming to this god forsaken place.  
  
Those eyes he loved so much took a few moments to adjust and then reflected confusion, fear, understanding. Thomas tried to go to Newt´s side but he was stopped by Dr. Paige´s hand and a gentle shake of her head. The blonde blinked a few times and then turned to look directly to where the cardiologist and his lover were standing, at the front of the room.  
  
His voice, weak and raspy from lack of use, and from the tube that had just been taken off his throat, echoed through the quiet room as he said “Tommy?”  
  
Thomas stepped up, not caring anymore about what Dr. Paige had to say about it. He was in Newt´s bedside in a second, holding his hand, which he now felt was a little warmer. He smiled at Newt and didn´t even try to hide the tears that were streaming down his face. They were happy tears. They deserved to see the light of day. He then whispered, in the gentlest voice he could muster for he didn´t want to startle the blonde “I´m here my love. You are here. We are okay”.  
  
Newt smiled at him then, an honest, open smile and Thomas thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. It warmed him to the core, sending a tingling sensation to his heart. His chest felt lighter and lighter, he noticed, and the air he breathed seemed to nurture him again, his lungs thankful for the return of oxygen to them.  
  
His man spoke again then, getting him out of his daze, his voice a little stronger, the grin disappearing from his features “I missed you. What… happened?”  
  
At that, Dr. Paige let her presence be noted, walking to the end of Newt´s bed with authority. She then spoke, her voice soft, not matching the strong demeanor she had about herself “Welcome back Newt. I´m glad to see you can speak so easily. You were down under after the surgery for about 5 days. You are in the ICU.”  
  
Newt´s face registered fear and Thomas felt he would do anything, anything, not to see that emotion on his blonde´s face ever again. His voice was a little shaky now, when he spoke “5 days… it was that bad huh? How did the surgery go?”  
  
Thomas was about to protest, to say that Newt didn’t need that information just now, but before he could say anything Dr. Paige was already telling him the details that had made the brunette throw up. “The surgery was difficult, Newt. Janson could only fix your mitral valve and get the epicardic pacemaker on. We couldn´t place the prosthesis on the tricuspid valve because you were dying and….” But the woman couldn´t finish her sentence for the blonde was speaking again, now his voice fully shaking “so, what now, do I have to have another surgery? I mean how come you couldn´t do this? Fixing the valves was the whole reason for this to be an open-hearted surgery. I mean…” and then he trailed off for several machines where beeping alarms at the same time. The nurses tried to get in but Paige stopped them.  
  
Yeah, this was why Thomas was here.  
  
He took the blonde’s face in his gloved hands and looked straight into his eyes, mouthing clearly “you don´t need another surgery. Dr. Paige says you are making an incredible comeback and you might as well get through this without ever seeing that asshole Janson again. Your valve is getting better every day on its own. You are strong Newt. Incredibly so. And you are healing better than what we all expected. Now breathe my love, breathe”.  
  
Newt softened in Thomas gaze in seconds, the panic in his eyes receding. He took a couple of deep breaths and the oxygen monitor, which had gone down to 85%, now beeped a 90%. Thomas caressed the blonde´s cheek where he could, their stare continuing to hold, and told him, his tone tender this time “I love you. You are alright”.  
  
“Okay. Okay” said the blonde after a couple of minutes, his voice now steady, but weak again. Then, he continued, turning to look at Dr. Paige “Janson is truly a bloody idiot if he couldn’t do this.... then, no more operations Doc?”  
  
“I can’t give you any guarantees and you know that Newt. We have been down this road before and...”  
  
Newt interrupted the woman again, his voice strained “just give me your best guess”.  
  
Dr. Paige seemed to consider this for a little while, as if trying to figure out what would be best to say. In the meantime, Thomas started to stroke the blonde’s hand, painting little circles in his palm, trying to calm him down as best he could. It seemed to be working because the blonde sagged a little against the cushions on which he was leaning, his breath slowly evening out.  
  
“No more operations Newt. But you know how this works. Either you cooperate with us and behave, or there will be consequences. I promise to let this young man here in as often as possible so you won’t go doing irresponsable things to get to see him. And you” she turned to look at Thomas now, her voice serious but her eyes dancing with mirth “you will behave like paramedics should in an ICU, do you understand me?”  
  
Thomas nodded, his face getting flustered again, understanding fully well what Dr. Paige meant. After 5 seconds though, Newt made a little snorting sound and then he was laughing, softly, but laughing. Thomas could listen to that laughter for the rest of his days, he realized. It was music, better than any he had ever heard.  
  
The monitors were beeping again but this time no one made a move to try to change it. They were beeping because of a good reason.  
  
Thomas fear that Newt wouldn’t be in the best mental state after everything he had gone through wasn’t fully gone, for there were trials ahead and he knew it, but now it was eased a bit, hiding underneath the hope he felt taking hold on his being.  
  
When Newt spoke, his voice a little breathy but otherwise almost normal “I wouldn’t count on that Dr. Not if it is in my hands”.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas kissing Newt in the ICU is going to become a thing. Be warned.


	16. Proper decorum.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress, happiness in unexpected places and freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, the next few chapters are heavy on exposition. But things need to move to get to where we want to go (smut), right? Otherwise this fic would be around 30 chapters long. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

For the four more days that Newt remained on the ICU Thomas was given three 20 minutes slots a day to be with him, in the morning, mid day and afternoon. After him usually came Sonya, who complained loudly to anyone that would listen that Newt didn’t want to see her and only ever talked about “Tommy”.

Thomas felt guilty though, since even though he knew the blonde girl was always teasing him, he realized he had taken over Newt completely. She was the one that had been with him through so many things, for so many years, and here he was, taking her aside, claiming a possessive hold over everything related to her brother.

When he mentioned this to her, she only rolled her eyes and said “Don’t be ridiculous Thomas. The only reason my brother has made such a comeback is because you are now with him. I’m grateful that you are here. Heck, I’m about to make you his emergency contact”.

Thomas liked that idea. He liked it a lot. He wanted to be the first one called if anything happened to Newt, though of course he hoped with all his soul that wouldn´t be much after everything they had just gone through. Still, the fact that he could ride in the ambulance with him and receive information without having to punch people in the face in case of another eventuality made him feel safer. A little more in control. And that also meant Sonya would be relieved of some (not all of course, since she was his only living relative still) of the responsibility of Newt’s health and that would make the blonde happy. He knew it.

As expected, Newt had some problems with being in the ICU from the moment he woke up. Thomas wasn´t stupid, he knew that Dr. Paige had given him those three precious opportunities to see the blonde through out the day so that he could help the staff manage him when it came to sleeping and food. The cardiologist interpersonal savvy astounded the brunette, since she had clearly everything planned out so that Newt could make a full recovery, down to the emotional aspects of it all. He felt incredibly grateful to her, not only for making sure his love healed but also because she was making life easier for Thomas, who now felt that he couldn´t be away from the blonde, needed to take personal care of him. His protective streak over the man had transformed itself into a protective instinct that sometimes threatened to swallow him. He would do anything to keep Newt safe.

Having the man almost die gave the brunette an acute sense of the fragility of life. Of how little control we all have about our destinies. How much we don´t know. And he wanted to spend all his available time with Newt, if at all, so, helping the nurses when his love was giving them a hard time only made the brunette happy.

Besides not being very good with the eating and having trouble with the diverse amount of daily tests performed on him (he had returned sobbing from more than one of them, at times screaming at the people who performed them to leave him alone), Newt had severe problems sleeping. At night, he simply refused to close his eyes, too afraid that he might not open them again. Dr. Paige and all the nurses insisted the blonde needed to sleep as much as possible so that he would heal but he argued he just couldn´t. So usually it was up to Thomas, both at night and after eating, to get the man down. He had the technique almost perfected. All it took was stroking the blonde´s hair, and whispering loving things into his ears. It was always a quick process, the exhaustion taking down Newt´s over strained body in minutes.

Thomas didn’t mention to anyone though that putting the blonde to sleep not only helped him but also gave the brunette some resemblance of peace, helping him to doze off at night himself, the ghost of Newt´s hair on his fingers. He was sleeping close to 6 hours now everyday, which made him feel much better than he had in the past few days. His emotions were healing too, since he saw his love everyday, and not only that, but saw him getting better. His heart was beating a healthy 70 per minute, his oxygenation soared at 95%, and slowly but steadily he was unhooked from the several machines that had kept him alive.

Every time Thomas came to see him, he had one less substance pumped into him and Newt seemed more alert and stronger, smiling at him, teasing him, telling him he loved him. The brunette knew the blonde was almost back to normal when he asked for his book on plants to be delivered to the ICU room. Yeah, Thomas thought with relief, Newt was back.

It wasn´t a surprise when the doctors moved him to his long-term room, giving Thomas now the chance to be with him almost 24/7.

There had been some discussion about who would stay with the blonde in the next weeks and how it was all going to work out. Thomas didn´t want to leave his side, and the very idea sent panic waving through him, but reality was, he had already taken close to two weeks off work and he had to go back. Gally and Alby couldn´t cover his ass forever. So it was settled that although Thomas was to sleep with Newt and spend all the morning with him, he was then going to go and cover his shifts, while Sonya spent the afternoon with her brother after going to class.

Newt didn´t like that, arguing that he was perfectly fine on his own, thank you very much, and he didn´t need his sister looking after him. “I´m not a bloody child” he had said, more than a couple of times. Thomas realized that Newt´s attitude towards help hadn´t changed at all. He still wanted as little of it as possible, wanted to do as much himself as he could and did his very best not to bother his sister, or anyone for that matter, in anyway.

He stood up by himself all the time, when he knew he had to have someone help him not to put too much pressure on his chest. He went to get things by himself when he needed them, instead of just asking for them from Sonya or the nurses. More than one time, Thomas had returned to the floor where his room was to find him walking around it, like he was taking a stroll in the park, his bottom adorably poking out of his hospital robe.

Thomas wanted to kick him at points for his recklessness, but despite voicing his concerns and helping the blonde in any way he could, deep inside of him he felt so much fucking satisfaction at seeing the blonde feeling so much better. At getting his boyfriend back, on full force.

The dynamic between them had changed though. Thomas was the only one allowed to help. He was welcomed, even needed. Even though Newt said several times a day that he was a burden on his life and that he certainly would have done better if he had never burned him with his coffee, he never did anything real to push Tommy away. On the contrary, he took every measure possible to be as close to him as he could. When he arrived from his shifts at night, to see that the blonde had spent yet another day with his head buried into his plant encyclopedia, he was always received with a smile and tender kiss. A grab on his fingers, an invitation to join him on the bed. They almost always slept together now, Newt only having the central line and the drip attached to him to keep him from snuggling properly.

On mornings, and after the doctor’s rounds were done, Thomas found himself talking for hours on end about a different array of things with the blonde, going into topics like politics, which really never called his attention before, not even in his home country. He had always known Newt was smart and sensible, but talking with him about everything and anything really gave him a sense of just how grounded, how intelligent he was. The brunette was sure he was going to go places, now that he was getting better.

On weekends, they sometimes took to exploring the big hospital in which they were currently being housed and Thomas worked, Newt in a wheelchair, the brunette pushing it, going into weird corridors and empty offices, seeing where the day took them. One time they had found a beautiful clearing, behind the labs, which Thomas had never seen before, that was lined with soft grass and dandelions. They had camped there for a few hours, enjoying the sun that filtered through the buildings on their faces and just talking, which seemed to come so natural to them.

Newt was lying in between Thomas’ legs, his head using his chest as a pillow. Thomas was holding them both up on his forearms, his left hand playing absentmindedly with the blonde tresses that had become his fascination.

“You know Tommy?” said Newt, his accent heavy, his voice sending waves through Thomas’ chest.

“Yes Newt?” The brunette’s voice was a lazy whisper. He was so content right this moment, right this position, that it was like what they had just experienced never happened.

“I know I’m still in the hospital and all, but I’m just so bloody happy” the smile on his voice was evident.

Thomas looked down to see the blonde gazing up at him, his eyes sparkling. He answered truthfully then, not wasting a second to speak “me too Newt. Me too”.

And then he stole a slow, tender peck on the lips. They had been kissing a lot lately, which sometimes wasn’t a good idea, since the nurses kept sneaking on them and scolding them for it. Dr. Paige also gave them a hard time about it, as well as for Thomas sleeping on Newt´s hospital bed, though she seemed less than sincere with her comments, a playful smirk on her lips.

Sometimes though, the kisses would go from gentle and sweet to fiery and intense in just a few flicks of the tongue, and Thomas would have to pull away, knowing Newt still needed recovery to play at this game without any danger. He was happy though, that every time that happened, the blonde didn´t start hyperventilating like that time back at the beginning of this all, in his house. It was another evidence that the surgery had indeed worked. That the intense pain and suffering had been worth it.

One sunny morning, on what counted as the fourth week of Newt staying in the hospital, Dr. Paige entered the room they shared quite unexpected. She usually came to see Newt in the afternoons, when the brunette wasn´t around (which annoyed him tremendously, because that meant he had to get a full report from Sonya and she wasn´t the most reliable of resources. The only time she had been to see them both before supper was when she had reprimanded them for not having “proper decorum at the hospital”) so having her here at this time of the day meant something. The brunette just hoped that what she brought with her were good news.

“It´s great to see that you are not snogging so early in the morning” she said, her tone light. Newt looked up from his book, which he was about to finish now thank God, and smirked “well, our decorum has improved, since we last saw you”. At that, the woman openly laughed, walking inside the room and standing in front of the blonde. “Can I check on you?” she asked, only for courtesy really, because both her and Newt knew she had to, whether the blonde liked it or not.

With a grimace, Newt straightened up from the loveseat for which he had changed the coach on his house as a nesting spot, and gave his right hand to the cardiologist. He was used to this, so he knew the works. Dr. Paige would now check his pulse, hear his heart and lungs, see his chest to check on the scar and then give them the information they wanted. Thomas always felt anxious at this whole process, not only because he wasn´t really a part of it and had to watch it from the sidelines, but because the expression in the faces of the participants never reveled anything. Newt always looked bored, while the doctor in charge of the check up was always really concentrated. So he just went back to putting his laundry in the closet, at the present time, like he had been doing before the woman arrived.

After doing everything she had to do to Newt, Dr. Paige went to take a sit in the sofa, which was straight across the blonde´s loveseat. She called for Thomas to join them, and he was there in a second, his hand grasping Newt´s. She smiled at the gesture and then said, “You are doing great Newt. The echocardiograms show that your tricuspid valve is much improved, and the damage in it is now deemed as light, which we need to keep a close eye on, but you can live with. The pacemaker is working wonderfully, as you can see by your renewed strength in kissing the lovely boy next to you (both Newt and Thomas blushed at the statement) and the rest of your body seems to be working just fine, as all the blood work and tests have shown. The scar well…you know that will never go away but it is as good as it can be and has mended pretty well. If all continues like this, we can let you go in a couple of days”.

Newt´s face illuminated like the sun was shinning directly on it. Thomas heart leaped and he didn´t know if it was because of the expression on his boyfriend´s face or the news that they had just received. His voice was a little breathy when he asked “and what kind of care do we have to have once we are home?”

Dr. Paige looked at Newt intently now, her voice a little intense when she spoke “you have been very sick Newt, for a really long time. But you are not sick anymore. The circumstances under which we operated you weren´t great but at least it allowed us to tackle several things at the same time quickly and now, you are healthy. I mean, you can´t go do lifts tomorrow but maybe eventually? The idea is for you to regain a normal life. Slowly, step by step. For next two weeks just take it easy. Don’t carry anything heavy, go easy on the cardio and rest as much as you can and try to sleep and eat well, which you should always do, by the way. After that, be my guest. Climb stairs, go walking, make love to him, whatever you want”.

Newt was too dumbstruck to realize the last words that had came out of Dr. Paige´s mouth but Thomas registered them way too well. He was embarrassed by the whole ordeal, but he also found himself thanking the Gods again for the woman in front of them. She was frank and open, and a really good doctor. Anyone else would have been elusive on the topic of sex but here she was, practically giving them her blessing. Thomas felt he loved her and obviously not only because of that. She had saved his heart, after all.

Newt, on his part, remained speechless. He was clearly flustered, the information that had reached his ears getting processed in his mind. After a moment that stretched out too long, he said, his voice raspy “so…so I get to do what I want?”

“Yes” confirmed the cardiologist.

“Without having to take my pulse or run out of breath?”

“Yes” again, the same gentle response from Dr. Paige.

“Like I can go jumping, randomly?

“Be careful with the pressure on your chest, but otherwise, if that´s what you want, go for it”

“Really…?” and the blonde chocked on the word, swallowed, tried to speak, but couldn´t. And Thomas understood. He was used to being sick, to having everything he did limited, all his options closed. And now Dr. Paige was just giving him permission to do anything, like it was that easy, like it wasn´t a big deal at all. The shock he must be experiencing was probably mayor, his paradigms and ideas shifting, the world changing around him. This was monumental.

Newt didn’t seem to know what to do with himself so Thomas turned around to hug him warmly. The hug he received back was the strongest he had ever felt from Newt, his arms still a little weak but holding to him intently. After a while like this, the brunette leaned back a bit to see his boyfriend’s face, which still registered shock but also a healthy dose of doubt.

Thomas was sure it would take Newt a while to get used to the very notion that he was now able to do things and be a regular person, but he also realized that it was important that he got the message now, clearly etched into his head.

So he took his face with his hands gently, cupping his cheek and looking straight into his brown eyes “You are healthy now my love. You see? I know you can feel it in your bones. I have seen you get better and better since the ICU. Heck, you are better now than when we first met. I’ve never seen you this strong, this alive. Accept it, embrace it.”

Newt shook his head only slightly for his face was still in Thomas’ hand, and then whispered, his voice shaky “is it real?”

Dr. Paige interrupted into their little bubble, but her tone was sweet when she spoke “it is Newt.” Then she turned to look at Thomas, who smiled widely at her “now, get ready to be leaving the day after tomorrow. I’m sure you are more than eager to get out of here”.

She winked at them, and left, leaving them to hold on to each other for a little while more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before anyone says anything about the patch of grass behind the hospital, let´s say the one I go to has a clearing exactly like the one I described. 
> 
> Of course I have a little experience with hospitals, otherwise why would I be writing about the topic?


	17. Laid back, quiet demeanor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart to hearts, renovations, and leather jackets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter is about transitions and things that need to happen so the boys get their time together, but I did my best to include some sweet, fluffy moments in it, to make it worth your time.

“Newt?”  
  
“Yes Tommy?”  
  
“What we talked about before the hospital...of living arrangements and so... does it still stand?”  
  
It was a question that had been bugging the brunette since Dr.Paige had left them. Now that Newt was being released, he wondered if he was still allowed to go back and live with the blonde. He had assumed all this time that he was, even packed down his whole apartment with a lovely feeling of never having to go back, but now that it was so real and right around the corner, he wondered if he had overdone it a little bit. Or maybe very much. Were his feelings in the wrong place? The doubt had been churning at his insides, making him think things he didn’t want to think. Like, for example, that maybe now that Newt was well and on the road to complete health, he wouldn’t want him anymore.  
  
Newt furrowed his brown, in the adorable gesture that he did more often than not, and turned to look at Thomas, from where he had been absentmindedly chewing on a grape. He took a little time to answer, thinking his response, which only made the brunette’s anxiety swell.  
  
Then he answered “well, I’m not sure” Thomas heart fell for a second before the blonde continued “I don’t want to live in my parents house anymore but moving into your ex-girlfriends apartment doesn’t seem like the best idea to me.  And you moving between houses, like we had agreed to, will only make life harder on you so...” he shrugged a little “I don’t know. We might need to think it through again.”  
  
Thomas was immediately flooded with relief for it seemed the blonde hadn’t question for one moment the fact that they both wanted to live together. Maybe it wasn’t just him who felt he needed to be attached to the hip to him. Maybe.  
  
He pondered Newt’s response and answered “yeah going back to my place doesn’t seem right to me either.” A blush crept up on his face as the next statement left his lips “and I kind of already packed it away”.  
  
Newt looked up from his breakfast again, which he was eating contently thank God, a grin on his face. When he swallowed, his tone was playful “someone was eager”.  
  
Thomas’ fear of having gone overboard with the moving thing flared again in his chest for a second before he chocked out “well, you know, we had an agreement... and I just thought... it would be practical...”  
  
Newt chuckled “look at you so adorably flustered”. Thomas went even redder, and threw one of his own grapes at the blonde, who evaded it with ease. * _Yeah*_ , he thought with relief, * _Newt was so much better*_.  
  
“It’s okay Tommy” continued Newt, once he was done laughing at his boyfriend´s gesture. “I would have done the same if I were you”. His mood was dampened in a second though and suddenly his tone wasn´t filled with glee but with sourness “Only that I think packing down my house would be a little more difficult”. The frown returned to his face but the expression wasn’t the endearing one that Thomas loved. It was the real kind of frown. The brunette often forgot that Newt’s house wasn’t an easy topic for him.  
  
He stood up to sit by his love’s side, grabbing his hand gently “Hey, no sadness. As much as I think your frowns are adorable, I will rather not have them if it means you are sad”.  
  
Newt’s hand squeezed Thomas’. “I’m not sad. Just... I have been so miserable in that house. I’ve been so lonely and sick and unhappy. But then it has all this memories, of my parents and Sonya and...well, of you, lately. I have a bittersweet relationship with it, I guess. I don’t want to live there but the idea of leaving it, doesn’t sit that well with me either.” He ran a hand through his hair, making it even messier than it already was, “I guess I’m not making any bloody sense am I?”  
  
“You do make sense my love” Thomas said, trying to crack his brain for a solution and failing at it. The only way it could work was if they got a new place but that wasn´t a option now since his lease still had a few months left and he had to pay rent, and really doubted that with his salary and Newt´s money (which he had inherited from his parents’ insurance and savings, he had told him at some point, and was what had kept him going while unable to work because of his heart. It was also what was paying for Sonya´s way through college, only that since most of her money went into tuition, she had to work to feed herself and generally, live) they could afford another apartment.  
  
Newt seemed to be having the same thought process as he was, since they both had fell silent. At a point the blonde sighted and said, “Well, I´ll tell you what, let´s clean my parents´ house, once I am allowed to go jumping (a light came into Newt´s eyes every time he referred to being able to do things he previously couldn´t), and we´ll make it our home. I can´t sell or rent the house anyways, since it is Sonya´s too. So let´s make the most we can from it. Although I don´t guarantee we won´t eventually have my sister moving in with us but well…”  
  
Thomas considered this for a minute. It was reasonably, the most viable option. But he didn´t like the fact that living there was probably going to trigger Newt´s anxiety, even though he had been improving steadily in that front too. Thomas´ initial wariness at the blonde´s possible mental state had lessened considerably since he had left the ICU. He hadn´t seen the man take his pulse since he had been put in his long term room and when he was taken to a test, or had blood drawn from him, he mostly remained calm.  No more screaming at poor people doing their jobs. Sleeping came easy for now, since they slept together and on the same bed. Heck, he was even eating better, as evidenced by this morning´s breakfast, which was being consumed without problems. The only thing that gave him away was that before or after facing the doctors, whomever they were, whatever they were doing, he always sought out his boyfriend´s arms and he didn´t leave them for a while.

Still, Thomas knew anxiety and depression. These things never really disappeared, and could creep on him at any time, especially when having triggers around. He unconsciously shook his head, the memory of the night he had brought Newt to the hospital flowing to the surface of his thoughts. That had been a PTSD nightmare, if he ever saw one.  
  
The brunette was brought back to the moment by Newt, whose warm hands were curling around his chin “You okay love?”  
  
He turned to look at him and decided to be honest “Yes. Yes. I was just thinking that while renovating your parent´s house seems like the most practical idea, I am not sure it will be good for you. I mean…the night I brought you here Newt… do you remember what happened?”  
  
The blonde´s eyes went down to his lap, along with his hand, and he sighted, his tone sad “I was having a nightmare… and then I remember your big, scared eyes, and then…the ICU”.  
  
Thomas cupped his cheek to bring it up “Exactly. And that is why I am not sure moving back is a great idea. It will bring you back too many memories, as you already said, and things… things like that could happen again.”  
  
Newt´s eyes remained down, even if his face was leveled up with Thomas´ “Yeah…those things will happen again at a point, I´m sure, especially after all of this. I´ve never had a nightmare at the hospital. The monsters seem to be too close for my brain to process them correctly. But once I leave…I´m sure it doesn´t matter where I live, I will still get them”. Then he raised his gaze and looked lovingly at his boyfriend, his eyes vulnerable “But now that I am healthy and they won´t send me to the ER… what does matter is if you are with me, since… I think I can handle them…if…if you are with me?”  
  
Thomas previous feeling of Newt not wanting him seemed silly now, seeing how the blonde was looking at him. He figured that was probably the way he looked at the blonde himself. Like he was his whole world. Like he would do anything and everything to be at his side.  
  
The brunette´s smile reached his ears, he was sure, as he said, his heart in his hand “All I want is to be with you Newt. Just name the place. I´ll be there. And I´ll help you fight whatever demons you face, don’t you worry about that.”  
  
The blonde smiled widely too, genuinely happy, and said, after a moment´s consideration, “so my parent´s place it is…” he considered it for a moment and then said, the adorable frown back on his face “what will we do if Sonya does move in though?”  
  
Thomas could only laugh.  
  
—————————  
  
Thomas took the afternoon off.  
  
He knew he had taken too many days off already but after blackmailing Gally with a burger, the ginger had taken his shift somewhat agreeably. After all the help he had received from him with all of Newt´s ordeal, Thomas had rethought his initial feelings toward the man, who he found rude and annoying since he first met him. Now he saw him as a friend he was very grateful to have. A friend that covered his ass when he needed it the most, he was embarrassed to admit.  
  
Now his actual best friend, Minho, stood outside of Newt´s house, his hands full with paint and rollers and tools.  
  
Since talking to Newt about moving back to his parents´, an idea had sprung into Thomas. The blonde had said they could renovate the house together, when he was “fit for jumping”, but that didn´t mean the brunette couldn´t do just a couple adjustments to make the place a little better for living, a little different to eliminate possible triggers, while they had the time to actually make it their own, right?  
  
He had consulted Sonya before, of course, because it was her house too, as Newt had pointed out previously. The blonde woman, with her characteristic sense of humor, had said, “Are you kidding me? Anything you can do to make that shithole better is fine by me future brother-in-law. Be my guest” And then she had given him the keys.  
  
Future brother-in-law... ohh how he liked the sound of that.  
  
“After everything that has been going on man, you owe me about a thousand dumplings, you know that?” Said Minho, having trouble entering through the small corridor that was Newt’s house entrance, recently unlocked by Thomas, because he had so much stuff on his hands.  
  
When he was in, the brunette stepped after him, taking a few things from his best friends’ arms so he could move easier.  
  
“Let me remind you that you interrupted my first date with Newt, and that is not something I am willing to forget that easily” he said amusedly.  
  
“Are you kidding? You stood me up! I am the one offended!” Retorted Minho, placing the things on the floor and looking around, clearly not able to suppress his next words “Damn, it sure is messy”.  
  
“Shut up Minotaur, he couldn’t do much cleaning all right? With his heart and all?”  
  
“Hmm” answered Minho, thinking quietly for a minute before voicing his concerns “and are you sure Newt will like this? I mean it’s his house right? He said you could do this together and now you are jumping ahead on your own? Aren’t you overreaching a little?”  
  
Thomas laughed. “Overreaching” because he wanted to be with Newt, seemed like his theme of late. But after the conversation he had with the blonde just this morning, he was feeling much better about it. He was as wanted as he wanted. Still, he did have considered that the blonde might not like him changing the house on his own. After giving it some thought though, he had decided that it truly didn´t matter. What he was going to do was for the benefit of the blonde. To make the place nicer, more livable and clean it out of every remain of the last night they had been here, which was sure to give Newt some nightmares. The man was getting discharged from the hospital two days from now so, actions had to be taken.  
  
“Newt will be alright, once he sees just how much of an incredible job we made” he turned and smirked at his best friend, who only shook his head and sighted “where do we start then?”  
  
So they worked the whole afternoon. They cleaned, painted and fixed the kitchen, and then got rid of the infamous coach, which the brunette had hated so much since the beginning, cleaned the living room, painted it and set up a futon that they ended up bringing from Thomas’ place, which would have to do as their bed for the time being. They also brought some chairs and tables and set them around.  
  
Hours and hours later, once they were done, the house looked like an actual nice place to live in. Thomas could see them starting again here. Together. Afresh. The thought brought a big smile onto his face.  
  
He turned to look at Minho, hair disheveled, white paint all over his clothes, sweaty and panting, but grinning. Affection bloomed in his chest for this man, who had been his rock through out one of the most difficult times of his life.  
  
He clapped his hand to his back and said honestly “Man, I’m not sure what I would have done without you and Brenda through all this. You kept me going. You kept me sane. Thank you, from my heart. You are truly my family” he chocked out a little at the last words, emotion filling him.  
  
Minho noticed this for he moved to give him a big, proper hug, saying “you are my brother man. What am I here for?” Then he reconsidered and finished “You still owe me dumplings though”.  
  
Thomas rolled his eyes.  
  
————————————  
  
So the fateful day arrived when Newt was to leave the hospital. The process to discharge him had been a mess, since all the doctors that had seen him at a point had to sign his release forms. Thomas had to find them one by one (lucky for him he knew where most of them were, both from being a paramedic and his last month on the hospital with the blonde) while Sonya finished cleaning up their things from the long term room they had been in, which ended up housing so many of the trio’s things that it almost seemed like they were moving.  
  
When Thomas had found Dr. Janson for his signature, he had had to suppress his urge to hit the man, who he about hated by this point.  
  
His remarks about Newt didn’t help though “So Isaac made a miraculous recovery huh? Well, let’s see how long his tricuspid valve holds up this well”.  
  
Thomas could have screamed at him, but ultimately decided against it, clutching his fists tightly to prevent it. They were leaving, and that was all that mattered.  
  
When he returned to Newt’s room, however, the sight that received him was enough to make his patience with Janson worth it  
  
Newt stood in the middle of the room, beaming, giddy with excitement, a pair of skinny black jeans on his legs, a red shirt on his torso, and a leather jacket Thomas swore he had never seen, on his shoulders. His hair was the disheveled messy he loved and he looked healthy, actually healthy, his skin milky white and smooth, his lips the same tone of blushing pink he had on his lips.  
  
“Hey Love! Ready to leave?” He said, his voice cheerful, when he had turned to look at him.  
  
Thomas almost swayed. He knew Newt was attractive, but throughout the time they had been together, he had been so sick he was always too pale or too skinny or the brunette had just been too damn worried to look at him in a appreciative way. But now, he looked like a new person... a very, very appealing person.  
  
The brunette also realized he had never seen the blonde´s stance quite like it was now. He had a laid back, quiet demeanor about him, which made his heart flutter and his inside twist like he was a teenager in love. Which he was, when he thought about it.

He realized that this was Newt. The real him, without troubles burdening him down or loneliness tugging on his heartstrings. This was the person he actually was, when he was allowed to just be. The happiness that this sight gave him, knowing that his blonde was reborn, renewed and he was actually there to see it, had helped make it happen, filled him to the brim.  
  
This joy invaded him and pushed him into action, and before he could think it through he had stepped through the room and in one quick movement pulled his boyfriend into his arms, kissing him passionately. Newt was surprised but let himself be pulled into the gesture, partying his lips lightly so that Thomas could take a possessive hold over his mouth.  
  
They had a little practice now at this, Thomas realized with smug satisfaction, noticing how his boyfriend kissed him back after his initial assault, no longer sweetly and explorative, but with real zest.  
  
Just as the kiss was getting deeper, Sonya’s voice broke the bubble of silence that surrounded them, startling them both out of the embrace, as she came back into the room from where she had been in the bathroom “Can’t you two just keep your hands off each other? Bloody hell”.  
  
When Thomas turned to look at her he saw she was smiling a toothy grin at them. He couldn’t help but blush. And worry. They still had two weeks to go for Newt to be able to do anything... well, romantic, and as he put his hand on the small of the back of his boyfriend he realized he had quite a challenge in front of him, holding off from more than kissing with Newt looking like... that.  
  
He gulped.  
  
Newt was blushing too but snapped back at his sister “no, we can’t. Now can we please get moving? I don’t want to be in this awful place anymore”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is smut, so wish me luck. Only two more chapters to go. Damn.


	18. Tangled limbs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Newt had real problems... keeping their hands off each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, guys. I am super nervous of posting this chapter. Because it is my first smut. This is my first time writing and all, but smut is a whole different animal, let me tell you. But I promised you smut from the beginning and so I was going to do it, bloody hell. 
> 
> I was specially nervous because I didn´t want to make it too graphic for the younger people who might have read my fic from the beginning and can´t read this chapter specifically because of it´s nature. But no matter how many times I wrote the damn thing it always came out too explicit, even if I tried to tone it down.
> 
> So, I left it explicit, because I figured it was the way it wanted to live.
> 
> I also tried to make it sweet (maybe too much? you be the judge) and tender, because these boys deserve it, after all they have gone through with their relationship. It just seemed like the right tone for it, making sense with the dynamic the characters have had so far.
> 
> Of course the tags changed and the rating went up, and again, this is a graphic depiction of sex between two men so if you are in any way offended by it, skip to the next chapter.
> 
> Finally, this is a rather long chapter, almost twice as long as the rest of the things I have posted, but once you read it, you will understand why. 
> 
> Now on with the show. 
> 
> Help me baby jesus.

Newt and Thomas had real problems....  
  
...keeping their hands off each other.

When Thomas thought about it, it had started that one time he had grabbed Newt´s hand, when they came back from the hospital the first time the blonde had ended on the ER, what seemed like a life time ago. Before that particular moment their touches had been hesitant, the type you give to someone you like but don´t know very much. But from then on, from that moment in which the brunette had enclosed Newt´s hand with purpose, asking him if it felt good, the way they held each other had changed and morphed into something that was central to their relationship.

One would think the haring experience of the hospital, seeing his boyfriend attached to so many scary machines, all the problems they had faced, would dampen Thomas´ physical need for the blonde, but reality was, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Since he now cherished each of the man´s breaths, having seen him almost die, he could feel the actual pull on his skin to be near Newt, to hold him, kiss him and do other… things to him.

It felt natural, like an extension of the love he had for him.

The physical had been important to Thomas in the past, because he was a guy in the peak of his sexual health after all, but it had never hold the same fascination that it did now, when it came to Newt. Because like with all things, the blonde had something, something that made the brunette react like he had never done before. And he was hungry, he had to admit, for more than cuddles and kisses. He wanted him. With his flesh as much as with his heart and soul.

The blonde seemed to share his need, for now each time they touched one another he seemed to lean further into the brunette´s arms, to hold him tighter, desperation in his hands when they tried to search his body, their kisses getting too deep, too quickly.

There had been a clear tipping point, when things had gone from said intense kisses and touches to the removing of garments and agitated breaths. And it had been the very first day that Newt had been released from the hospital, and arrived to see Thomas’ renovation of the place they now shared as a home.  
  
He had been so grateful and touched and just so damn happy he had ended up in Thomas’ lap somehow, and then they had stumbled over the futon, one thing leading to another in such a quick succession that when the brunette had had the presence of mind to pull away his pants were halfway down.  
  
Newt looked down right sad and disappointed when he had parted them but had said nothing against it. He knew it wasn’t for lack of want Thomas was separating them, but because he still had to wait for two more weeks so that they could do something about their hormones, according to doctor´s instructions.  
  
They still ended in compromising positions constantly, and their touches kept getting needier and needier, filled with the accumulated tension from having fallen in love without being able to express it physically, like they both wanted so desperately.  
  
It was specially hard in the mornings (pun intended) since without the drip or the central line to keep them from truly cuddling, the boys now always woke up fully flushed against the other, Newt’s head in Thomas’ chest, the brunette’s arm protectively wrapped around the blonde, their erections poking into the other’s tight.  
  
Getting off those situations took every single ounce of will Thomas had ever had, what with Newt’s pretty eyes laced with sleep begging him to do something about “this bloody thing between my legs”. But the brunette refused. If only because he wanted to make sure that when they did do something, it wasn´t interrupted by them having to visit the A&E. When they did it, he was going to make sure it was good for the blonde, no matter what.  
  
And so, time had passed, slow and steady, each day making Newt stronger, both physically and mentally.  
  
When Thomas left their home (oh how he loved to think about that house as their own) everyday to go working, he returned to Newt having yet another idea about what he could do now that he was healthy, the most notable being learn to speak Spanish, play the violin and start a non profit to help sick kids who where in foster homes. He began looking into college almost as soon as he was out of the hospital, and was starting to pull together his applications to go and become a biologist.  
  
So, no surprises there.  
  
He had also gone up the stairs to his and Sonya’s childhood rooms, starting to clean them and throw things away. Thomas had given him a hard time about it, for he still had to take it easy, but deep into his heart he was just plain thankful because it was another proof that the blonde wasn’t just getting over his health problems but also from the ghosts of trauma and sadness that had hunt him for years.  
  
Still, he did have nightmares, almost every day, waking up trembling in the brunette´s arms and mumbling about the ICU, but it didn’t take more than a few sweet words and some hugging for him to go back to sleep. In the morning, he didn´t seem to remember them. If he did, he never mentioned it.  
  
Once the two weeks where done, Newt had had to visit Dr. Paige to get his all clear. To get his freedom, in a way.  
  
As expected, he had had problems sleeping through the night, getting more than the regular nightmare, and almost hadn’t eaten at all the day before going to see the kind cardiologist. Thomas decided not to bug him about it. He supposed it was always going to be like this, before seeing any of his doctors. So rather, he tried to be as loving and patient as he could, to make it easier on his man to face his biggest fear.  
  
Dr. Paige looked pleased to see them, however, had declared the blonde perfectly healthy and had given him her blessing to “go live as full a life as he wanted” (he still had to go every three months to get an echocardiogram done to his valve to make sure the damage on it was holding down as light, as well as to check on his pacemaker, but it was all routine, she assure them).  
  
They had called Sonya to give her the good news as soon as they had left the hospital and she had ended up voicing what was on both their minds “well, lovebirds, what are you waiting for, go feast on each other as celebration!”  
  
Newt had hang up on her giggling voice after she had said that, but neither of them had said a word on their way home, their hands linked, the blonde girl’s words heavy on their minds.  
  
As soon as they had entered their doorway though, it was like they had snapped from a daze they didn’t know they were in. It had been Thomas who had moved first, he realized, when looking back on it.  
  
Newt had bumped into him in the tiny corridor, so that they had ended up with his leg between the brunette’s own. Thomas had looked down to stare at the way their legs were tangled on each other, and just a second later he had Newt pressed against the white wall gently, his hands under his shirt.  
  
The blonde’s head went back as he suppressed a moan, but after a moment he recovered and reached with his hands too to poke underneath’s Thomas t-shirt, caressing and proving and feeling his skin, making shivers run down his boyfriend’s spine.  
  
The brunette had then claimed Newt’s mouth hungrily, his tongue exploring every inch of it he had access too. The blonde’s tongue pressed against his too, dancing and battling and making him whimper against his own will.  
  
After a little while like this, Thomas had been in dire need of oxygen and had to pull back, only to have his breath taken away from him again by the sight he behold. Newt was gasping for breath too, his lips parted and red, his eyes dark with lust.  
  
“So we are doing this?” He had then said, his accent heavy, sending ripples all the way down Thomas’ body, landing and coaling at the pit of his stomach.  
  
“If you want to?” Thomas doubted he could control himself for much longer, but he still needed to give the blonde the choice, to make him feel both comfortable and safe.  
  
Newt nodded, swallowed and then said, his voice a whisper “you know I’ve never done anything like this... right?” He had gone so red he could rival a tomato.  
  
“Yes” the brunette whispered back. The thought hadn’t left him all through their needy touching since Newt had left the hospital and it had stayed on the front of his mind through the little episode they were now sharing.  
  
He felt privileged, because he couldn’t find a better word for it, to be the one with whom the blonde was about to experience this part of his life. This part of love. The feeling made his heart swell. It was almost as powerful as Newt’s lips on his own.  
  
“I won’t know what to do” mumbled the blonde, sharing breath with the brunette while they both panted.  
  
“I haven’t see you hesitate a moment so far” said Thomas, his voice a little stronger now, pushing a wayward strand of Newt’s hair back into his messy mop.  
  
The blonde looked like he was about to say another thing, but hesitated and instead leaned in to catch the brunette’s lips into another kiss, but this time it was tender and sensual, lips and tongues caressing each other.  
  
His legs then went around Thomas’ waist, so that their hips were grinding against each other. The brunette gasped out in pleasure, their erections brushing. He definitely knew what to do, thought Thomas, as he put his hands under the lighter’s man tights and hold him up, mumbling as best as he could as he moved them to the futon “let’s take this somewhere else”.  
  
Newt’s arms went around his neck, nuzzling his head into its crook, nibbling on the sensitive skin there. The sensation was so blissful Thomas almost dropped the blonde to the floor. Somehow though, they reached what was now their bed, and the brunette angled them so that the blonde was straddling him with his weight, his knees on the furniture, his thighs against Thomas’, keeping the pressure off his chest.  
  
He could be lust crazy, but Thomas wasn’t going to do anything to hurt Newt. Ever.  
  
In seconds, the blonde was tugging at the brunette’s t-shirt, setting it loose from the man’s frame in a couple of movements. He attacked his neck again instantaneously, making marks there that were going to show in the light of day. Not that either of them cared.  
  
Thomas had to pull back from the assault reluctantly, since his hands where tangled in Newt’s shirt as he tried and failed to remove it.  
  
When he looked up to see why he hadn’t been able to pry the piece of clothing away from his boyfriend’s body, what he saw broke his heart.  
  
The blonde was keeping it on, one of his hands holding onto its side, while the other grabbed onto the brunette’s shoulder for stability.  
  
Knowing he was caught, Newt leaned further back, his gaze down. Thomas understood the scene perfectly. Newt was worried about his scar.  
  
So without saying a word, the brunette set himself to undoing each button from the offensive garment, so he could open it properly instead of just pulling on it until it came off, kissing the blonde’s worries away as he did so. When he was done, he grabbed Newt’s hand, which remained fisted on the fabric, tugged it loose and kissed it gently.  
  
The blonde let go without argument, but his eyes remained on his lap. Thomas voice was rough when he whispered, “I want to see what’s in there”.  
  
Newt’s eyes found his boyfriend’s and he stared into them for what seemed like hours, hesitation clear on his features. A long moment passed and then he took his shirt off, discarding it into the floor.  
  
Yes. There, in the middle of the blonde’s chest was the still angry red scar that Thomas had seen just weeks ago, in such a different context. It had healed and was a little thinner, a little less bumpy, but it was still the most noticeable thing in the man’s torso.  
  
Before he could help himself, the brunette was kissing the line soiling his man’s chest with devotion, knowing full well that the only reason he was here with him was because of said mark.  
  
Newt’s hands found Thomas’ hair and he caressed it lightly, tenderly. When the brunette’s eyes finally went up to find the blonde’s, the dark brown gaze he found was filled with love. He whispered then, his voice shaky “I love you Tommy”.  
  
The brunette’s answer was automatic but not any less real “I love you too Newt. So much. So very, very much.”  
  
And then they had kissed again, but this time it was desperate, filled with emotion. They poured all their love and fear and hope and want into the kiss, all the things they had felt and gone through in the past months making themselves present in the moment they were sharing just now, intimate and beautiful and earth shattering.  
  
It had been Thomas who separated from the kiss, but only so he could go down onto his man’s chest, carefully but skillfully nibbling gently on a blonde nipple, in an effort to show Newt that even though the scar was important, it didn’t define him. Didn’t prevent him from feeling pleasure. It was just there as a reminder for them both to cherish what they had in front of them now.  
  
And cherish Thomas did as what he received from his loving teasing was a breathy moan, the likes of he had never heard. Newt had made noises before that made him weak in the knees yes, but never quite like this. The sound was guttural and low as it escaped the blonde’s throat, and it was a little loud. Newt wasn’t trying to suppress it, realized the brunette, he was feeling freely, letting himself enjoy what they were now doing.  
  
Another moan and Thomas felt the knot at the base of his stomach coil tighter. He knew he wasn’t going to last long when they had first started going at each other, having waited for so long for this, wanting it so much, but now he wondered how far they were actually going to get before it was all over. Hearing the blonde like this was such an exquisite experience for the brunette that he realized he wouldn’t be able to take it for long. It was just too damn hot.  
  
Newt squirmed in his boyfriend’s lap as he moved on to his other nipple, grinding their hard ons involuntarily, making them both inhale quickly. His voice was strangled when he said, between heavy breathing “pants... yours... mine... off... now”.  
  
That was all that Thomas needed to hear to stand up, lay the blonde down on the futon gently and start pulling on those skinny black jeans that had been driving him mad for the past few weeks. It was easier than he expected, since the pants looked so tight, and in a minute he had his love, only on his boxers, sprawled down under him.  
  
He kicked his own jeans haphazardly down his legs, staying in boxers too, and loomed over the blonde dangerously, noticing with pleasure that Newt had more meat on his bones than when they had first met.  
  
He had been doing his job correctly, the brunette thought smugly.  
  
The blonde’s arms went around his neck then and he lifted his hips to meet their erections yet again, clearly unable to hold himself from doing so, repeating the gesture over and over again until Thomas was sure both Newt and himself were going to be done if they didn’t stop. Right. Now.  
  
So with all the will power he could muster, he stood up, earning an annoyed growl from underneath him, Newt clearly against his change in position.  
  
The blonde murmured with irritation on his voice “what are you doing? I was so close...”  
  
Thomas couldn’t help but chuckle. Yeah, Newt was a virgin alright.  
  
“Exactly that is why I am pulling away. Because we were both about done. And believe me, that is not the best way to go.”  
  
Newt furrowed his eyebrows “But...but Tommy...”  
  
Thomas leaned down to kiss the frown away “do you trust me?”  
  
The blonde still looked very annoyed but nodded all the same.  
  
The brunette took off his underwear, moving slowly to take his boyfriend’s off too, caressing his thighs and legs while doing so, taking the sweet time he hadn´t been able to before, enjoying being able to touch and get reactions from the man he loved and had been waiting to properly touch for so long. Being able to do this was intoxicating, was driving him crazy. Fascination didn´t quite cover what he felt towards touching Newt. Devotion, maybe?

  
When they were both stark naked, Thomas had a moment of clear headedness where he fought himself over what they were actually going to do and how they were going to do it. Newt must had noticed the internal turmoil, for he pulled on the brunette’s arm, bringing him to the present.  
  
“You are wondering if we should go... the full way...I mean if you already didn’t let me have my moment back there” he said, the flush so intense on his cheeks that it reached down to his neck.  
  
Thomas had been caught. So he decided to be honest about it “This is your first time and I don’t want to hurt you. I want this to be perfect for you, and that is why I didn’t let you have your moment back there.” He pulled a little at his dark brown tresses and finished “I have waited so long to do this, to be with you like this, that I just want it to be the best it can… for… for you”  
  
The blonde lifted himself up a little, on his forearms, shaking his head gently “You couldn´t hurt me if you tried Tommy. Ever since we met everything you have been doing is bringing me back to life. Giving me a reason to live… All I want is to be with you, as close to you as possible, and well, I can´t think of a way to be closer to you than…And I know it will hurt, but I don´t care. I want you that way. I need you that way. You are not the only one that has waited very long for this”.  
  
His eyes were full of love yes, but also full of something dark and instinctual Thomas had never seen. Newt´s words resounded on his heart, on his head, and his gaze, well it landed straight in the middle of his legs, making his desire even larger, if possible. There was no doubt left in his mind, they were doing this.  
  
Suddenly impatient, the brunette turned around and went into the bathroom, to find something he had procured for them a couple of days back. He had hoped they would eventually get here, if not the first time, at least at some point. So he had made sure they had what they needed to make, whatever they wanted to happen, happen.  
  
Newt stood with his knees on the futon now, a look of surprise on his face as his lover came back with a clear plastic bottle on his hands. His eyebrows went so high into his hairline they disappeared when he saw the object, but then he released a low chuckle that ran directly into Thomas’ cock, when he realized what the thing actually was. “You were prepared for every possible scenario huh love?”  
  
“It wasn’t like you had been pulling my pants down every few hours, right?” Retorted the brunette.  
  
He went to hug the blonde then, nibbling hungrily on his neck, his nipples, his scar, his chest and then laying him down so he was over his lean stomach, his lips tracing the thin line of hair that led down into oblivion. He took everything in, tried to memorize every single inch of Newt´s skin, worshipped it when in contact with it, making sure the blonde felt loved and treasured, the way he deserved.  
  
Finally, Thomas raised his head from where he was, his hands tracing patterns inside the blonde’s tights again, just inches away from his hard on, and whispered, his voice full of involuntary husk “are you sure?”  
  
Newt’s voice came from between pants “Tommy... please... I... please... I need... you... “  
  
So the brunette grabbed the bottle he had placed on the floor, coated his fingers generously in the transparent gel and made his move, inserting a finger tentatively on the blonde ring of muscles.  
  
Newt whimpered in pain, but it wasn’t as if either of them expected anything different from happening. Thomas didn’t move his hand for a moment, allowing the blonde to adjust to the pressure inside him. After a moment, Newt himself said, his voice strained and low “go on”.

Trying to be as careful as he could the brunette introduced a second and third finger in, giving the blonde all the time he needed to get past the pain and into the pleasure he knew this could bring. After some time, he got his wish, for the sounds Newt was making weren´t from hurt but from lust, even letting out a low “fuck” that made him jerk his own hips involuntarily.

He climbed up his boyfriend’s body then, letting his fingers loose and moving to kiss Newt wherever he could, finally landing on his mouth and ravaging it thoroughly.  
  
It was the blonde who broke the kiss and practically begged “Please Tommy, please”.  
  
Taking a deep breath, the brunette lined up his cock with Newt’s pucker hole and slowly, ever so slowly, moved in. And it was like coming home. The warmth and closeness to the blonde felt like nothing Thomas had ever felt. It was like he had been lost all of his life and now, just now, he knew where he belonged. Like this was what he had been living for, without knowing.

Newt, however, outright cried out in pain and the sound pulled Thomas out of his daze, stopping him automatically, his instinct to protect the blonde from harm bigger than his lust. His worried gaze came up to find his boyfriend’s eyes.  
  
There was pain in them, yes, but also love and need that mirrored his own. The brunette’s voice was inexplicably soft when he murmured “I’m sorry my love. I´m sorry. We can...”  
  
But Newt’s head shaking stopped him, as the blonde said, his voice broken “stop...this is good... Just give me a minute”.  
  
Thomas took the opportunity to say the one thing that kept repeating itself in his head, over and over like a mantra “I love you Newt. Always will”.  
  
Newt’s face of discomfort was slowly getting relaxed and he gifted his boyfriend a real, open smile as he said “I love you too Tommy. Always will.” Inhaling deeply he continued, “now move”.  
  
So Thomas did. With as much care as he could, with tenderness and fervor, but also with all his longing and yearning and all that he had been restraining up to this moment.  
  
He cradled the blonde into his arms so that they were both sitting up, Newt´s legs around his waist, and there they held each other close, touching and caressing and whispering sweet nonsense into the other´s ears. They gripped tight onto the other, like if they were each other´s lifeline, because in reality, they were.  
  
It didn’t last long, as predicted.  
  
Thomas felt the blonde tense under his arms, start to shake, moan his name and find his release, as both their chests got wet. The brunette had done all he could to hold off so the moment his blonde had gone over the edge, he had let himself get there too, finding his release just breaths away from his lover, his seed spilling into him.  
  
Exhausted, but still careful, Thomas lowered them both down onto the futon, collapsing at the blonde’s side, pulling himself out gently. Newt whimpered at the loss, but quickly recovered as he nestled himself into Thomas’ chest, intertwining his legs with his love.  
  
“What are you smiling so widely about?” said the brunette, as he adjusted his position to properly cuddle the blonde, his arms around his naked waist, his lips giving a slow brush to Newt’s sweaty forehead.  
  
The blonde’s voice was croaky when he answered, his air clearly still returning back to him “because we finished just as we started”.  
  
“Hmm?” was all that Thomas could answer, as sleep started tugging him under his will.  
  
Newt’s voice came out sleepy this time too, but the brunette could clearly hear his answer before he closed his eyes “with tangled limbs”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go and maybe a little epilogue? Who knows.


	19. Then there was you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is possibly the fluffiest fluff ever. It is romantic, it is cheesy, it is tooth rootingly sweet. But hey, Thomas saved Newt´s life, Newt is just damn happy to be healthy and loved for the first time in his life and they just love each other so much, that this was going to happen. 
> 
> Please excuse me if it´s too much, but we do love some sappy endings, don´t we? 
> 
> This is the end for this part of the story, but like with all good long fics, there is an epilogue left, which I will probably post tomorrow.
> 
> I hope you like it.

Newt woke up warm and comfortable, a sweet ache on his bones. He had known pain for most of his life, but this kind of hurt was completely different. It was the kind that made you smile, that made you feel alive.  
  
He knew where he was from the beginning, which was a welcomed change, since in the hospital he never really knew what was happening until a nurse or a doctor came to bother him and the reality of his life sobered him up from the chemicals pumping in his veins.  
  
So laying here now, on what was his home, his real home, not the house where he had lived with his parents when he was a kid, not the barren wasteland where he had spent his young adult years, unbearably alone and sad, but a place where he felt loved and safe, Newt felt more blessed than he had ever been.  
  
And then the memories from the day before seeped into his consciousness and he felt overjoyed.  
  
He remembered with detail each of Thomas’ caresses, his sweet whispers, what he had made him feel. Both in terms of pleasure and love. He recalled letting himself feel his body like he had never done so before, trusting it to carry him through making out with the brunette, making love to him. A huge glowing feeling took hold of his chest and his heart felt full.  
  
A sight escaped his throat, for he never thought, in a million years, that these things would ever happen to him. He was so used to misery that when Thomas came around, the little miracle that he was, he had actually tried to push him out. Luckily the brunette hadn’t let him, and now the blonde wondered how he had ever lived without him.  
  
From the first time they had meet all through his recovery and to this day, Thomas remained the constant that had given him strength, that had made him fight to be well, to see another day, just because he wanted to be with him. His love was what had made him heal. Even the doctors, who were usually not into giving emotional explanations to anything whatsoever had said that the incredible recovery he had made rested on the brunette’s shoulders.  
  
And he knew they were right. Thomas had saved him. In every way a person could be saved.  
  
He was suddenly pulled out of his musings by the feeling of the warm body to his right moving. He realized that Thomas was being careful not to wake him, and he let him, keeping his eyes shut. He wanted to see what the man was going to do.  
  
And what he did made his heart melt. The brunette raised himself in his arms, and placed his head gingerly on top of Newt’s chest, clearly listening to his heartbeat.  
  
Love spread through his veins and into his toes, and he couldn’t keep the charade any longer. He curled his arm around the other man’s naked (God, they had slept naked hadn’t they?) waist and brought him down, planting a kiss to his forehead, where his dark brown tresses stuck to each other. They desperately needed a shower, he realized, feeling his body sticky with sweat and other... well things.  
  
“Good morning love” he whispered, earning a chuckle from Thomas.

“Good morning to you sir. How are you feeling?” The brunette’s tone was playful but the blonde noticed a trace of worry in it. 

He opened his eyes and there, in his boyfriend´s beautiful brown eyes, he found apprehension. He took a conscious toll on his body, counting what hurt, if anything at all, and stretching to make sure it all still felt right. Which it did, apart from certain soreness in his body that he, well, understood easily.

So smiling honestly and sure of what he was saying, he told Tommy “Like a new man. Like a thoroughly loved man”. 

Thomas´ gaze flashed relief and then he lowered his head a little. Newt was confused now, what was he missing in this picture? Weren´t they happy? So he grabbed the brunette´s chin on his fingers and pulled his head up, so that they were looking straight at each other´s eyes. “Hey” his voice was low “what´s wrong?”

Thomas didn´t speak for a moment but when he did, his tone still had a streak of concern in it “I was just worried, that yesterday in my haste I might have hurt you…”

Newt shook his head slightly, still holding the brunette´s gaze “I told you yesterday, you couldn´t hurt me if you tried Tommy. It´s not in you. Just like hurting you will never be in me either. I won´t lie to you, I am a little sore, but I expect it will get easier, with practice?”

Thomas went red for a second but then laughed, his face relaxing. Newt felt himself ease too, at the sight he had expected to see when he had woken up. His boyfriend, happy. That was all that he wanted. 

The brunette´s voice was still full of humor when he said, truthfully “God Newt, you will be the death of me”.

“Why? Because I want to shag you again?  You can´t expect to give whiskey to an alcoholic and then take it away from him, can you?” he cooked his head to one side to catch his man´s smile.

“And in this metaphor am I the whiskey or the alcoholic? Because after yesterday, let me tell you, I feel a 100% like an alcoholic.”

To illustrate his point, Newt decided to lean in and catch Thomas´ lips on his own. The brunette yielded easily, allowing him access into his mouth. They kissed each other for a long while, and the blonde noticed that the desperation and urgency of last night weren´t there anymore, replaced now only with tenderness and love. He was sure the thirst would return, sooner rather than not, because he was serious about the addictive aspect of Thomas. He had been given a taste of what loving this man truly meant, in it´s entirety, and he couldn´t wait to explore it further, put it to the test, make it his own. He was indeed a devotee. And he doubted that would change in a really, really long time. 

The brunette was the one that broke the kiss, gasping for air. When he spoke, his tone had grown serious again “so you are happy?”

“How can I make this clear to you?” the blonde mused, his hand coming to play with the hair on Thomas´ nape, which made the brunette shudder, to his delight.

“Not only two months ago I was alone, sick, and the only thing I could feel was anxiety. I had nightmares all the time, I´ve never been hugged or kissed, let alone ravished like yesterday (the brunette went red at this remark). I had no hope, had abandoned all my plans for the future. Didn´t care enough to take care of myself. And then, then there was you.” Newt had to swallow, for a lump had formed itself in his throat out of nowhere and emotion threatened to overwhelm him. 

Thomas said nothing, allowing him space to regain his composure and continue talking. The blonde was grateful for this gesture, for he felt like he needed to get this out of his chest right now. To make the brunette understand, just how over the moon he actually was. How much he loved him. 

So he continued “This wonderful boy, this kind soul who burned me with his coffee. Who wanted me and loved me despite the fact I am the most stubborn person on the planet and have this horrid past and weird heart condition. Who thought I wasn´t a burden. Who saw me as a person. And he changed my whole world for you see? He gave my weary heart something to hold on, to fight for. He stayed with me through the most difficult moment of my life, hold my hand in the ICU, chased my demons away and healed my anxiety. Heck I don’t even know how. And after all of this, he was kind enough to show me, just yesterday, what it feels like to be thoroughly loved. He made me feel more love than I thought I had in me just from staring into his pretty face. And now, he is asking me if I am happy…well, let me tell my kind sir, that I am very happy, but mostly, I am very in love”.  He hadn´t made it to the end of his speech without crying of course, and now tears were freely slipping from his eyelashes. 

Thomas cleaned them with his fingers and looked at a loss of what to say, his own eyes shinning with unspilled tears. His voice was raspy when he said, “I love you”.

Newt beamed at him, hugging him close. They stayed like that for a little while, the brunette snuggling on the blonde’s side, his hands tracing slow patterns into his neck, simply basking on their mutual joy... until a growl from Thomas’ stomach broke their spell.

They both giggled and the brunette voiced what had previously been in the blonde´s mind “we need to shower”. 

“And eat” continued Newt, surprised to find he was hungry too. 

“Being thoroughly ravished makes you hungry huh? That is some… useful information” said Thomas, arching one eyebrow up. 

“Ohh shut up” retorted the blonde while standing up, Thomas helping him to his feet. They embraced warmly, but then the brunette was out of the blonde’s arms and went sprinting into the bathroom, shouting “last to the shower is a black toad”.

Newt shook his head, moving his sore legs to catch up with this boyfriend “I´m in love with a teenager” he mumbled.

\---------------------------------------- 

The shower had been… eventful to say the least. Apparently the boys couldn’t be fully upright and naked together for long before Newt was pressed against a wall and from then…well, things happened. Now, as the blonde was sitting on his newly refurbished kitchen (they had really done a great job, Thomas and Minho), toast and tea in front of him, he couldn’t stop grinning. 

He realized faintly that his house no longer smelled like tea and honey. It now smelled of coffee and tea, of honey and clean linens. It was like his and Thomas´ scents had mingled together, becoming something of their own accord. Their scent. For their home. 

“Did I ever thank you for doing this to the kitchen? To the house?” said the blonde as his boyfriend came back from said kitchen, his own breakfast on his hands. There was huge grin on his face too as he maneuvered and came to sit at his side, sipping on his coffee. 

“Not enough” he said, after swallowing. He looked thoughtful for a moment and then continued, “we still need to make changes though. And since now you can jump, and cling to my legs for support when needed, I am thinking we should do it sooner rather than later.”

“Will you ever stop making references to sex?” questioned Newt, going red, this part of his boyfriend new to him. 

“No” said Thomas, pecking him in the cheek and smearing it with toast, “you are in love with a teenager, don’t you remember?” he repeated Newt´s remark from earlier, one that the blonde thought he had not heard. 

Newt chuckled and looked around, at the beginning of their new life, his heart swelling at the possibilities before them, and he knew, just right then and there, that they were going to be all right. Whatever the future may bring, whatever his heart might do, whatever his health would be, they would manage it, like they had managed all so far. 

When they were together all was good. All was fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about going into a soulmate AU next or maybe something else? Do you guys have any suggestions? Prompts? Ideas? Something? 
> 
> You know I love your comments, they keep me writing. 
> 
> And talking about that I would like to publicly thank foxandreil and Beryl for sticking with me all through this crazy roller coster with their comments. Everything you said to me always made me want to write more, so thank you guys.


	20. Epilogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burgers on a Sunday afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it you guys. This is the last chapter. 
> 
> It is set one year after the events of the main fic and it gives us a little glimpse into what happened to everyone mentioned in the story. 
> 
> I really hope you like it.

“Bren, can you please stop your boyfriend from flirting with mine?” Thomas said, his voice jokingly annoyed, looking at the brunette woman in front of him, who was putting ketchup on her fries.  
  
She shrugged before answering, “maybe you could make your boyfriend stop flirting with mine”.  
  
Both brunettes turned to look at the corner of the table where Minho and Newt were laughing at some random thing.  
  
It was incredible how easily they had warmed up to each other and now Thomas didn’t know if he was truly jealous of Minho for getting so close to his blonde or he was jealous of Newt for practically stealing his best friend.  
  
He knew both feelings where completely silly, because he had a clear, defined place on each of the men’s lives but still, he couldn’t help but feel annoyed. And pathetic, because he was annoyed.  
  
Brenda though, with her usual nonchalant attitude, seemed to be coping just fine with the fact that her recently appointed new partner was whispering things into Newt’s ear.  
  
On the other side of the table Sonya practically yelled, making Thomas go beetroot red “Are you jealous now lover boy? I didn’t take you for someone so unsure of himself”.  
  
She was practically sitting in the lap of her girlfriend, Harriet, who had a tongue just as sharp as she did and had blended in quite well with their little group after Aris had unceremoniously disappeared months ago.    
  
“Ohh shut up Sonya, or I’ll start talking about your last boyfriend to Harriet” retorted Newt, leaning now into Thomas, who automatically put his arms around the blonde’s waist in a possessive gesture that had Minho’s eyebrows lost into his hairline.  
  
Sonya went uncharacteristically red and mumbled something underneath her breath that sounded like “bloody shank” before taking a bite out of her burger.  
  
Harriet just laughed.  
  
It had been a year since Newt's open hearted surgery and the six of them had made it their little tradition to go eat an all American burger every Sunday to honor the nationality of Minho, Brenda, Thomas and as it came to be, Harriet. It seemed both Newton brothers had a thing for people from the United States.  
  
The strange hunch that Thomas had had outside of the ICU about them becoming a little family had been right. Ever since Newt’s health had brought them together, they had become “thick as thieves”, so to speak, all of them forming relationships with the other and mixing so that now, they were each other’s support system, truly friends.  
  
And Thomas couldn’t be happier. Because he had earned his little family yes, but also because he had an even more important, tiny nucleus inside of it: Him and Newt.  
  
They were their own unit in a way. Each other’s home, best friend (and yes, that was also part of the reason he was so jealous of Minho) and lover.  
  
The blonde was now going into his second semester in college and was healthier than ever. He had been following doctor’s instructions (Dr. Paige and Thomas were practically friends by this point), caring for himself and though nightmares still poked their ugly face at them every now and again, he was genuinely better.  
  
There were no surgeries on the horizon and though Newt would always be a heart patient, still needing his pacemaker changed once it´s battery got depleted and his heart valve being under constant supervision, he lived a completely full, normal life now. 

Though he hadn’t gone lifting weights, as Dr. Paige had once suggested, he and the brunette had picked up the habit of running, which they did often. He also played the violin quite well for having learnt it so recently and his non-profit was starting to come together, slowly.  
  
The boys also had quite a lot of practice in running out of breath (if you know what I mean), practically going at each other all the time. After having spent so much time not being able to properly touch each other when they had been able to, it was like they could never get enough.  
  
Thomas thought once some time passed and they got used to it their sex drive would dampen a bit, but boy, had he been wrong.  
  
His love for the blonde hadn’t diminished in the sightless also, only growing with each passing day, with each new experience he got to have with him, with knowing him better and better. His heart swelled with pride every time Newt achieved something he couldn’t have done previously and though his protective streak still kicked in more often than not, he seldom needed to go full caretaker on the blonde now. 

Their connection was strong, like it had been from the beginning, but now it was also deep, increased with time and experience. Nowadays Thomas almost got spooked at how well they could read the other, know what the other was thinking, what they needed. 

Living together had proven to be a joy too, coming to them as natural as breathing, and their house, which was now completely redone, was the place were the gang spent most of their time, hanging around playing X-box (Minho and Thomas), snogging (Sonya and Harriet, Thomas and Newt and even sometimes Minho and Brenda, who were always more low key with their relationship than the rest of their friends) or talking about boring biology topics (Newt and Brenda, who always seemed to find something to discuss which seemed incredibly important to them but put the rest right to sleep). 

So many bad things had happened to them at first that their current reality always astounded the brunette. Because they were happy. Truly happy. And though it hadn´t been the easiest time of their lives, Thomas would always be grateful for what they had gone through with Newt´s health, because it had taught them to appreciate life, and the good things that come with it, when you have them. 

“Earth to Thomas. Are you there Thomas?” Teased Brenda, waving her hand in front of his face, bringing the brunette back to the present moment with a startle, which made everyone chuckle. 

After a moment of composing himself, the eyes of all his friends on him, Thomas mused “I was just thinking, that if I hadn´t burned Newt with my coffee, non of us would be here". His arms got tighter around the blonde´s waist. 

“Damn right you shuck face. Your clumsiness got us here.” Newt threw Minho a menacing glare because of his comment, and Thomas felt his insides melt at his boyfriend’s protectiveness. 

"Hey, I’ll drink to that” said Sonya, grinning and raising her pit of ale. “To Thomas’ clumsiness, who got us a new family and healed my brother in the process!”

Newt looked annoyed at his sister for a minute but after Tommy poked his ribs and gave him a kiss in the temple, he raised his beer too, like all of his friends had already done. 

“To Thomas’ clumsiness!” toasted the six of them, emptying their drinks with glee.

 

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the real reason I wrote this was because I wanted to introduce the notion of Minho and Newt becoming fast friends, since I have always loved their dynamic. I also wanted to see Thomas being jealous because of it. Heck, I could write another story just from that. I managed to fix Sonya´s love life too by kicking Aris out and getting my best friend Harriet in the picture. Phew.
> 
> Finally and again, I just want to thank everyone, from the bottom of my fluffy heart, who read and kuddoed and commented on this fic. I´ve never written anything before and it was a process which nurtured my soul, but that became so much better with all your input and kind words. 
> 
> It wasn´t the easiest thing all the time, like all authors know, but it taught me so many things. About plot and characterization and about the writer I want to become. There are many things I have to improve but I will work on them and make no mistake, I´ll be back!
> 
> I am already working on something completely different from this, so if you want to see how it comes out, please subscribe. 
> 
> Love you all!


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